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Male on Male sex (with my wife's approval.)
I am a married male and also have a male lover (with my wife's approval.) We currently have sex about four times a month. My wife would like use to increase that to about 15 to 20 times a month so she can have sex with her girlfriend (my lover's wife). Is this a good idea?
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Geez, I should have seen this one first rather than going into detail on my last answer.
I met many a man who accompanied his wife to the swing club so she could have fun with other female lovers who also attended. these women were not gay, not wanting sex only with a female. They may not have been sexually attracted to any man but their husband and mostly to women. I found that to be the truth for most of the women attending who went for women. I was told it was something about the vibes one gave off that let another bi female know who to approach even if for just a dance.
So if this is all the wifes idea, you need to have some heart to heart talks. Has she ever felt that maybe she isn't bi sexual but gay. There are many people, even elderly citizens who finally decide they were ready to come out of the closet as gay rather than continue living the lie just to appear to be the 'normal' their friends and family expect. Because if she is more gay than bi, there is a chance that if half her life is spent with the female, she could come to fall in love with her. While a person can be in love with two people at the same time, theres always that chance of falling out of love with the first partner which would be you. I don't know anything about you, your ages, how long married. If you've been married 15, 20 years and are still crazy in love but she wants to add this, there may not be any problems at all, especially if you don't mind. If its a younger marriage, I have seen more issues arise that are jealousy, neglect or resentment based, although it can happen with any marriage of any length of time, if just occurs faster with younger married people. You and the wife may have differing libidos. There is no set libido that is normal and ones that aren't, they are just different. But lets say the wife likes sex daily to several times a day or even 5 times a week. But lets say you feel completely happy and satisfied with 3 times a week which is twice with her and once with your male lover, and no more than that or maybe less, it would be normal too but not match her libido. This was an issue with me and ex. I am remarried now to someone who has the same libido as me. And this is a happy marriage whereas the other was very unhappy. And differing libidos was only one of our issues.
Most likely, this will hurt not your relationship together. However, you both need to decide on what sounds like a reasonable amount of time to devote to a lover, if its okay with you, then go for it. But I would have a clause in that agreement that if it seems like the amount of time spent with a lover is distracting from ones daily responsibilties, that is when there is a problem, if it interferes with your daily lives. That is by the way the one way I know that it is determined whether someone may be a sex addict. Not that what you are doing qualifies unless each of you or one of you finds it overtaking life, not wanting to work, preferring time with lover to paying the bills or going grocery shopping or whatever chores you each have. It doesn't have to mean she or you are a sex addict, just that it is a good way to measure if it is healthy for your relationship and marriage or not. Again, true in depth talking without holding anything back is the best for both of you right now to decide for yourselves.
You may do better actually trying to find other husbands of wives who are bi-sexual to talk to because it could clear up any questions you have better than chances of running into such a male here in Advicenators. There seem to be support groups for any and all sorts of people for themselves depending on sexual orientation, sexual preferences and also support groups for the family of people who fit in either or both groups. I have not yet looked to see if there is a support group for husbands of bi women but I'll bet there has got to be something, even just articles to read on the subject. You may want to go looking for something like that to actually talk with another male in your position.
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