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My friends are all in relationships, but I can't find a guy who's worth it?


Question Posted Tuesday December 27 2016, 12:42 pm

I'm 22 and I've been in 3 relationships and have slept with 5 men (one was a fwb situation and the other just didn't work out long enough to be considered a real boyfriend.

I'm starting to get really upset because I feel like I've slept with a lot of men already to only be 22 compared to my friends.

It's just every guy I get into a relationship with seems to totally change after several months of dating. The longest one of those relationships lasted was 2 years and the rest were under 5 months. It just seems like every relationship I've been in became poisonous. The first guy turned into a drunk after hanging out with a new crowd and started spending all our money, and overall just a bad person. The second guy I wound up taking legal action against after he started stalking me everywhere I went, broke into my home, and threatened me. The last guy couldn't seem to get his parents to stop dictating our relationship (his mom called several times a day) and wound up lying to me about where he worked and what he did for 4 months before I found out.

I don't get it because I don't choose men who would seem that way. Every one of them were in college or graduated, had a good job, were religious, had friends and came from a good family, and seemed like great guys.

I've been single now since April and I'm starting to feel really sad and alone. I've tried online dating, but all the guys online are sadly gross. I've gone on a few dates with them and they all turned out to be really weird...and not in a good way.

I'm feeling super depressed now because one of my best friends is married with a baby, the other has been in a committed relationship and will likely be engaged soon, and all of my other friends have boyfriends or fiance's. Then there's me and people are starting to wonder what's wrong with me that I can't find a guy.

It doesn't help that I mainly work at home and every guy I meet on my college campus is either too young for me or in a relationship. I know most people will say join some clubs and stuff, but I've already done that and every single guy I take an interest in is taken.

Please help! I'm tired of being so alone.





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adviceman49 answered Wednesday December 28 2016, 9:27 am:
You sound a bit like my son. He is a really nice guy, has a great job with a steady employment future. His one problem is he is or was looking for a perfect fit in an off the rack world. He met and dated some really nice girls. As the relationships grew he found out that the girls had tons of baggage that was not apparent at the beginning.

One girl, and her family were alcoholics, nice girl but he could not put up with her drinking. Another had served in the army in Iraq and suffered PTSD. He liked her was willing to stay with her and help her but she refused all help. Then there was the girl he wanted to marry, problem was she was a mama's girl and mama forbid the marriage because they were of different religions.

He met the girl he is now engaged to on a dating site. The funny part about this is as she tells us she almost didn't answer because he is a cop and she could not see herself married to a cop. She say she fell in love with my son a=on the first date. They are to be married in June.

What I told my son is what my advice to you is. Try a reputable dating site again. This time when you sit down to fill out the profile and what you are looking for on a date and future husband. Have your best friend sitting next to you. Let him or her help you complete the questionnaire.

Why, simple because we all have the same fault? We are far to hard on ourselves when describing who we are and what we like and dislike. We are also afraid to let our hair down and tell a stranger what we want from life which is much of what these questionnaires are designed for so as to match you with someone who is a possible match for you.

By following my advice you have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Trying to find someone in a bar or other booty call locations is a lose/lose situation.

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Yourbreathlessxo answered Tuesday December 27 2016, 4:29 pm:
Hey love, im 24 and ive been single for almost a year and a half I dated my ex for 5 years and it wasn't the greatest...I totally get it about being lonely and that gets frustrating sometimes...but you need to fill the void by doing things you like....5 men!!!? that's like incredible people our age probably count more then 10 people they have slept with and honestly who cares? its just a number...This is your time to go out have fun do your job and make friends. Honestly your friends are settling down young and they probably will regret not enjoying their early 20's going out and doing whatever. I kinda get down on myself too because ive had 1 boyfriend for 5 years and ive slept with 6 people all together. Sometimes it just doesn't work out and its probably for the best right now. Please don't be so down on yourself...you have your whole life ahead of you to be dedicated to someone why don't you just continue to focus on yourself and be selfish. It sucks when all of your friends are in relationships just because they are doesn't mean you have to. Everyone just seems to be on a different page and that is perfectly okay...don't think anything is wrong with you and don't depend on anyone but yourself! xox

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IMPRETTYCOOLIO answered Tuesday December 27 2016, 2:47 pm:
Hi! I get it, dating is hard. But at 22, there is no reason for you to be worked up about marriage or dating. You have plenty of time! Also, having slept with 5 men is OKAY. At your age, things are still left to be figured out, and that is totally fine. If you are looking for someone serious, ask a friend to set you up! Friends end up giving the best dating suggestions if they know this person. If they know them, and you are good friends with the person giving the suggestion, the guy will be great! No-one knows you better than your friends and family, (family is weird to talk about dating with though) so asking them is the best way to go. Tell your friend what kind of guy you are looking for and they will talk to their friends, boyfriends, fiancée and husbands, and they can probably find a decent guy for you.

[ IMPRETTYCOOLIO's advice column | Ask IMPRETTYCOOLIO A Question
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