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Regretting big family move
At the end of last school year my family moved 8 hours away from our old home into a bigger city. Me and my husband have 5 kids 15 13 12 10 and 4. We needed better jobs and a bigger house. Now I'm having some regrets though. My middle/high schoolers hate their school (the middle and high school are combined) and my 10 year old is being bullied. The jobs that looked so much better are demanding and we are never home all together anymore. We cannot afford daycare so I work nights and my husband works days. My older kids also babysit. Everyone is miserable and we can't afford to move back what do I do.my
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Wow, that is tough. You and hubby being two ships passing in the night and not having time together can put stress on the marriage. People can drift apart and that would be bad for the kids. I don't know what type of jobs you have and if theres a possibility for changing work shifts so you both have at least the late night together. My husband works during day and I work part time evenings so I am done by 11pm so we can at least be able to feel that closeness of sleeping next to each other and the talk we do before we drift off.
As for the kids, without either of you really available to keep tabs on them, its too easy for them to go off on a wrong path or problems like the one being bullied.
I don't know if the big brother/big sister program is in your area but it sure sounds like something that is needed right now for the kids. Or at least the ones most open to it.
I don't know the finance issues, but if there is a way you can work part of the time from home for a company and part of the time in the office, you'd be around more for the family.
Best would be to find work that can be done from home. YOu'd have to keep working your job while looking for something to replace it that could come close and you'd be there with your 4 yr old, a day job. You'd have to train the kids to leave you alone to work once they get home from school. It can be done. my ex had a fledgling business just started and the addition which would be his office not started yet. Some the desk in the living room was his office and the kids even at younger than 4 and a year or so older, never answered the phone or touched anything on or in the desk.
Teens could start prep work on dinner for later to make it faster for hubby or you and then you'd be available for family check in talk with a little time cut out for this. I always checked in with each child separately on a daily basis to see what issues they had. When the kids realize you are open minded, no topic off discussion and you are available to talk to about issues, then they won't clam up forever but start sharing. I get kids the ages of yours except for the youngest, all writing in here with their issues which may seem minor to us and we know it will all work out but its a big deal to them and was for us at that age as the bullying is.
The kids may not want to talk to you daily but they will feel better knowing that there is a time when they can. Also family bonding time in a game night is something families do. It doesnt have to be nights at first, just a time on the weekend.
Money being tight will be the big issue besides time for each other. You'd have to get creative to find other smaller sources of income.
For example, hubby and I are currently living out of our van and we have enough room to pick up grocery carts to return to a store we shop at where their carts are always missing. The homeless take them sometimes but its mostly people without cars who will wheel their bags to the bus stop or the apartments they live at and leave them all over. The cars are way to costly to keep replacing and cut into store profits so they offered to pay us a fraction of what it would cost to replace them if we would collect and deliver them. It only takes a little time daily and the gas is covered by what we make with profit besdies and the stores doesnt have to pay for brand new ones every month or every other month. So look for a need and give a sales pitch. Its not an advertised job but its extra money.
Thats all I can come up with right now.
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