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Getting Along With School Organization Peers
Last year, I joined the biggest school organization (for magazines, tabloids, portfolios) as a member of the Literary Department. I love writing poems and I am interested. This year, they promoted me to be the Literary Editor, a role that I could never take. I am not that skilled in writing compared to other members and I compare our works sometimes and I feel very inferior. I do know that there are no other members who could be chosen as the Lit Ed because they're not responsible enough to handle the tasks or they quit the club. I was a student of the honors class so they chose me. I pleaded to the moderator to choose another one because I can't handle the role. That is why the moderator chose the one up for it, the one who quit at first. I was so relieved but then he assigned me as the Assoc Lit Ed and so I have to join Editor Meetings with the EIC, Managing Ed, News Ed, etc. They all serve their own purposes well and they all give amazing ideas. I had my own ideas in mind but I myself knew that they were mediocre. Don't try to console me. I know myself and I didn't feel like giving out ideas. I couldn't contribute except write poems as a member of the Lit. I had to join Ed Meetings and the EIC and Creative Ed always give me looks that made me doubt myself and sometimes, I thought about transferring to schools. Two of my classmates were also Eds. One was promoted to being an editor even with just one year of experience, like me. The Creative Ed was not very nice to me. One time, we were desperate for ideas and she asked us all to give our contributions. She turned to me for the first time and I shook my head with a nervous laugh, as a sign that I didn't have any. She gave me a look of disappointment. I knew that she despised me because I was acting like a "freerider." Then again, I am not good in giving ideas. In fact, I'm the type who can't give any. Every time my friends and I pass by the EIC and Creative Ed (as well as their friends), they would only greet my two friends, which I find rude and obvious. I didn't want this type of life in high school. I am always quiet during Ed meetings but at least, I attend to them to be informed and aware. The Creative Ed probably hated me for the mistake I've done last time (which was not really a significant one and I was doing things right and things just turned like that). She told the Eds about my mistake indirectly. I'm not being too sensitive here. It's obvious. I want to change clubs but it's not allowed and it's the official club I am graded on. The school system is strict and I know that I can't do anything about it but wait until the seniors graduate. Only then can I join a new club.
Please help me by giving real and useful advice. Not to mention that just thinking about this makes me cry and hate myself. I'm useless and I myself know I can't do anything. What should I do? This is the reason as to why I'm stressed and depressed.
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If you believe you can't do something you never will achieve anything. It's a fact. What you are doing is akin to sitting in a car with the key in the ignition fuming that it won't go and aren't turning the key.
You have all you need to succeed here no different from your peers but don't believe you do. The teacher who picked you for the role knows something you do not.
You are capable of performing well in this role and doing even more than anyone thought and they want to push you and convince you that you can if you just forget the "I can't" and contribute and try your hardest.
Your ideas are as important as anyone else's and valuable but you are afraid to share what you think. Do it. If someone doesn't like it maybe they wish they had thought of it and or that's just on them. Your problem is confidence, anxiety that has paralyzed you from reaching your potential and taking the risks your teachers know you can handle.
It would be in your best interest to see a therapist or counselor about these feelings and anxiety always holding you back and fears of falling on your behind and not attempting stuff as a result or inferiority to others. You have to do deal with this as it will continue to plague you even outside of this situation. You need the empowerment. I would also ask the teacher why he/she chose you over others and your feelings because you may find out from that what they see about you and in you.
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