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Dying for help on my mental health issue.
So, I have this overly stressful, impossible to cure issue. No form of therapy will ever help, as I've tried. I'd appreciate if you don't bring up therapy, because (even though I will take it in, respectfully) I will not try therapy again.
My issue is an unhealthy obsession with improving myself - my appearance, my personality, my mental health, my physical health, etcetera.
In appearance, I am buying facial cleansers, toners, moisturizers, exfoliate brushes, conditioning lip treatments nonstop and it's the reason why I never have any cash on me. I'm always broke because I can not stop buying creams and cleansers and such for my skin.
I am working myself to death at the gym, going there every day. And I keep exercising to the point where I'm so close to a heart attack. But I desperately want my dream body.
In personality, I'm always asking all my friends what I can do to better my personality. I'm so afraid they'll end up leaving because of my constant asking. But I always feel I could be sweeter, could be more understanding, could be more calm, could be more caring, could be more giving, so I continue to improve my personality without ever stopping.
In mental health, I'm always making sure I'm eating the right foods to make me happy, exercising more, doing yoga and meditation and praying constantly, etcetera.
Improving myself is the ONLY thing I ever think about. I don't ever think about anything else.
It's really stressful and my hair's falling out because of this. I'm so fucking obsessed with improving myself and I don't know how to stop.
I feel like it stems from never once in my life feeling good enough. I always think everyone looks better than me and can do anything better than me. I don't know what to do, because I can't stop. It's an addiction, it's like the most powerful drug to ever be taken.
I feel happy, but deep down, I'm so depressed.
...help.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Therapists though they mean clients well and try to change lives with their ideas cannot help anyone manage a psychiatric illness and that's a fact. They do not have the training, skill-set or knowledge on how to heal those illnesses and give people their lives back.
The problem is that you have irrational thinking and views about yourself not being whole or perfect and rituals and undying obsessions ruling your life and if we're being honest ruining it and driving all you do. You may not see it but normal existence at least for now is completely overshadowed.
Advice Man below is correct that this does in fact sound like OCD and an illness that can only be tackled with a psychiatrist and proper medication and treatment. You need a referral to one to get assessed. It will turn your world around having had family with this. You also have to make sure all physicians you deal with know about constant depression because it's a huge undercurrent to OCD and other illness you may have. It cannot be overlooked and non-addressed either.
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I'm not a doctor but from what you have written it sounds like you have a problem with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder(s). This type of disorder sometimes require medication. Have you ever been examined by a psychiatrist.
A Board Certified psychiatrist is the best doctor to examine and treat you for this disorder as the disorder is more of a medical issue dealing with hormone levels in the brain than a mental issue. Because of a fellowship done in psychiatry a Board Certified psychiatrist is better able to medicate you then a family doctor.
If you have not talked to and been examined by a psychiatrist then I suggest you do. Medication has been very effective in treating this disorder and no you will not feel like or walk around feeling like a zombie.
As for therapy. I went through therapy myself for depression. There are different types of therapists out there who follow different types of theories on psychology. Some are Freudians many follow other theories. Biggest problem for you and me is they don't advertise which theory they follow in treating patients.
For the patient it is trial and error finding a therapist whose style of treatment you are comfortable with. I went through 3 different therapists before I found one I was comfortable with. She took her time with me and didn't push me but kept after me to reveal what I had hidden away that was causing my depression. Once she got that out of me I was able to move forward and I am now cured.
While hormones were part of my problem insufficient amount to ward off depression. Hormones are a part of your problem as well but there's also a trigger just as I had that is causing this obsessive compulsion you have. You really need to find a therapist you are comfortable talking with. One who you will share your deepest darkest secrets with. Remember what you say in therapy stays in therapy.
If you have to change therapist 2, 3or as many times as needed until you find someone your comfortable working with do so. Life on the other side of this disorder you have will be worth it.
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