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I am really shy..
Hi.. 17 F..
I am really shy. I don't have a good selfesteem at all. I am overweight (198 lbs) but I exircise and play hockey. I am also on al diet but I am struggeling to loose any weight. I am not popular and people tend to tell me I'm fat. I am shy because of "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ selfesteem and I don't get out much. I just want someone to like me. Pleade help me?
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I'm going to launch off what Tats said, "If you want somebody to like you, you need to like yourself first." To a great extent, I've found that to be true but there are situations in which there are less tendency for that saying to work. A big one is when the group of people you want to be liked by are all your peers/being of the teen or preteen years in age. this age group (i've been there) comes with lots of self esteem issues, (its just some are better at hiding they have issues) and wanting to be liked and accepted and loved by someone and popular. We try to copy each other in what areas we can, believing that what outside changes we make will somehow get us our results.
Thru a womens article on how to gain self image good confidence, I read about borrowing the self confidence of a celebrity. The article did not go into the psychology behind it but simply the how tos of what to do.
I'd rather start with telling you that what you foucs your thoughts on and your self image is wrapped up in your thoughts, is going to manifest.
You've probaby heard plenty of people who quote or write books a out thinking positive to have success in wealth. Actually, your thoughts form a sort of energy, either positive or negative. People are like radio's able to pick up these energy patterns as clearly as a radio picks up radio waves, the signal strong enough to play a stations songs.
I was shocked at how people responded to my experiment, It felt like I had almost brainwashed everyone in my world by the reactions I got.
SO heres my story. I was divorced and going into dating scene again and wanted more self confidence. I thought I'd start small and focus on just one small part of my appearance. I at least had the strongest positive feelings about my eyes and felt they were expressive and attractive. The article mentioned borrowing the confidence of a celebrity who has same, similar or equally impressive attention to whatever asset. So I chose an actress who eyes I felt were equally impressive to mine, just not beleiving the rest of me was..yet. I would do a mental exercise of imagining my self superimposed with her image and the kind of confidence that celebrity have in front of camera. Also I pictured entering rooms and people noticing me and reacting much the way they would if a celebrity walked in. I did this repeatedly, each day upon leaving home, each time before entering another building or room, yes even school, the store, etc. Then I would stop focusing on it. Well, I got both women and men of all ages come up to me and tell me I had the prettiest eyes, comment on the color or theyare the prettiest eyes they'd ever seen. These weren't people who kinda knew me, but were total strangers and half the time I wasn't even wearing makeup.
So why all of a sudden was I getting my eyes noticed when people hadn't noticed them before?
The answer is, they picked up on the positive energy my mind was putting out there, since mine was focused only on my eyes, they commented strictly on my eyes, not my hair or my outfit. So the majority of what people perceive about a person has nothihg to do with their looks but that invisible instruction they are picking up from the energy you set out. If its a negative low esteem one, thats how they will see you no matter if they are an older adult and no longer a teen.
LEts be honest, if you were not shy, would you be attracted to seek out a new friend with someone who either seems boring or mopes around, can't look you in the eye, is too shy to hardly talk to you? There would be very little satisfying interaction.
So try this trick, borrowing the confidence of someone famous and pucture yourself in your minds eye, looking like them before going out. Once you have enough success of positive comments, look at all ages, not just your peers, then you won't no longer need to borrow self confidence. Something ab out the positive experiences will create a self confidence in you and it can grown from there.
As to the weight, Id can't say if theres medical reasons behind it or its what you eat but lots more people in the U> are becoming overweight to obese and it isn't entirely our fault. The same foods we've always e eaten or our parents did growing up, are not the same foods we are eating today. We are eating foods approved for consumption that haven't been tested properly or negative results ignored. I won't go further into the politics of it. But those who change their diet to less processed foods, go for a natural foods/health store brands/ and organic are more likely to lose weight but also become more healthy and it can affect ones mental outlook as well. Those who've had even greater successes are those who've switched to and stayed on a vegan diet, not to be confused with vegetarian. Vegan is probably the healthier of the diets out there. If you are playing sports, keep that up, drink lots of fluids though and between all that, you should be able to come down to a normal weight unless there are health issues for it like thyroid problems or such.
YOu know as I do that who you really are isn't as much what you look like on the outside but what you are on the inside, your personality and character. Its just that lots of people have trouble getting past what they see on the outside, making judgements that way. It lessons as we get older cus as we age we get wrinkles, gray hair and at one point can no longer rely on our good looks to attract friends or attract or keep a partner. It depends much more on who we are on the inside. From here on out, you will find the older the person the more likely they will be accepting of you but it sure helps to be at optimum health on the inside, and have a healthy self esteem and self confidence. A self confidence can be more about your abilities and talents than looks which fade with age. I can see things that have changed for me, I am a smaller person but I now have a muffin top for my middle, I have half and half silver and my usual haircolor, wrinkles, saggy skin, crepy skin and the start of the first liver spots on my hands. I could either go into hiding and tell myself I am no longer pretty and then watch others treat me the same, or I can move about my day happy to be alive, accept these changes as a normal part of aging and still feel good about myself, eat healthy and exercise, stay healthy emotionally and mentally and it makes a big difference in how others look at you. We are led to think that fat or older age are things that make a female not attractive to a male. Well, I've not battled with fat but i can't escape the aging and yet no matter what I am looking like now, men still keep eyeing me and smiling and flirting. Not just the older men but theres even the handfull of younger ones as well. Heres something else I can tell you. I read about studies done using men and women of all types who if I remember right weren't told exactly what they were testing for. Men would initially seek out those who were the prettiest or fair on the eyes to them but the ones they ended up spending most the time with was women with self confidence. Insecure wonen who were model quality lost their interest to the more plain but s elf confident woomen consistantly. They could only conclude that males are more attracted to self confidence than anything else.
If i can drive in the subject of self confidence any more, I will relate my experiences visiting a nudist camp with friends. I was introduced around to lots of people, two of whom were extremely huge females, you'd look small compared to them. Now I am an adult at this point and don't judge people by their looks. However, I found myself more drawn to wanting to be around and chat with the one woman over the other and asked my self why. I thought long and hard and had to admit that I had picked up on self confidence in one gal but not in the other. One was there more to challenge people to not like her with her clothes off, to perhaps prove that she wasn't likeable. I can't say what was in her mind, just that I found her to even seem unlovely in looks. Now i am female, but in the positive gal, its like I never noticed her fat, I mean, I saw it was there but my focus wasn't on it. I was watching her animated face, sparkling eyes, laughter, listening to her story telling, she had quite a few people hanging around her, even had a boyfriend with her and I was overwhelmed to find this thought enter my mind, that she was actually beautiful. There was something about the vitality and loveliness of who she was inside that couldn't be hidden on the outside. That is one of the most impressive events in my life. Not that I would accept someone just because of my mind set to be positive towards them despite whatever... but the fact that I could see her as another pretty female.
I did like the advice about deciding what activities besides hocky you're interestest in and joining groups or clubs with others you have the same area of interest. It is always an easier place to start to make friends. Take my daughter as an example: she joined a hiking club at your age. Didn't have driver license or car but people of all ages who wanted safety of having another person along in case they rain into trouble were glad to pick her up and take her, anything from singles in their 30s to older married couples in their 50s and 60s. She learned how to converse and become friend with people of all ages and in that there was a better way to gauge if she was having a positive effect with her energy rather than the more negative biased one she'dd seen all her HS. life. She did have a small group of friends, mostly all girls who were rejected by others for being different somehow, too skinny, too big, a siccan instead of regular CHristian faith, goths, emo before it became popular, and so on. Let me know if you have more to talk about on the self esteem level but try this trick and see.
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Hi beautiful,
You are putting in an effort to actually bring about a change in your physique and that's more than enough. The results are not in your hand, so that should be the least of your worries. It's your life, so don't let people bring you down. List down the things you like doing and figure out that one thing/hobby you would like to devote your time to. Join a booking reading club or go out there and help people. Write down your aspirations and work towards them. Bottom line is, spend time doing what makes you happy and see the difference in your confidence. Just block all the negativity and stay strong, as you already are. Revert for further conversation :)
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If you want somebody to like you, you should first like yourself. You must be having some good qualities. Try to embrace them. Try to mix up with people for it might bring out hidden talent in you.
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