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More issues with my boyfriends ex
Hi, I asked a question a few months ago:
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But to sum it up, I am 21 years old, in a sorority, and dating the ex-boyfriend of one of my "pledge sisters", the name for him I used in the last question was "Henry". We'll call her "Rachel". I never met Henry when they dated, and they were only together a month. The first time I met and kissed Henry, I didn't even know he was her ex-boyfriend. I started to really develop feelings for him despite trying to ignore them, blow off his texts, etc. and when I finally felt that I couldn't any longer I talked to my pledge sister and she said it sucked but that it was okay with her. Two months later she changed her mind, and basically called me every name/insult in the book. We have not been on good terms since and this was October of last year.
The issue now... So Henry and I will have been dating officially for 8 months, and exclusively seeing each other for almost a year. I love him dearly, and I think we are going to have a really great future. I recently shared some very personal issues of mine with him, he has met my entire family and they all very much adore him, and I trust him more than I trust myself. We will all be returning to school in the fall, and this whole past semester Rachel has been studying abroad. As horrible as it is to say, I was secretly glad she was gone. This is because a week before she left to study abroad, she went up to him in a campus bar while he was with his friends, told him that he had "given up the perfect girl" to be with me, that she has no idea what he sees in me because I am so ugly and that she planned to "f*** every last one" of his pledge brothers. Henry was livid and asked her to leave. She didn't. Luckily his friends shuffled Rachel off so he could go home and it ended up being pretty anti climatic.
However, this whole incident really shed some light on the situation for me. This entire time, I maintained that I was in the wrong and that I had hurt Rachel. When girls in the house asked me about it I would say "it sucks and its not an ideal situation" and if they tried to take my side by saying bad things about Rachel I shut it down immediately. She ended up unfollowing both me and Henry on every form of social media. Shortly after that incident in the bar however, she followed him again on everything, and kept me blocked. She started sending him snapchats recently, just random selfies and things like "whats up" "hows your summer" etc. He has shown me all of her messages and stopped opening the photos she's sent. He asked if I wanted him to block her but I said I didn't want to be immature and give her something else to talk about.
Point is, it just unnerves me for this school year. I have to see a lot of her because the sorority and I really thought after being abroad this would have all blown over already. And after the incident in the bar and the messages and the social media, I feel like this issue is more than just her being mad at a friend. It makes me think that she was never mad that I liked him, she was mad that he liked someone else. Which to me, is worse. And keep in mind I didn't even meet him until a year and a half after they broke up. I just don't know how I'm supposed to handle her. As you can tell, she's pretty confrontational and she has been texting all of my friends recently about how she can't wait to hang out with them etc. etc. despite the fact that several of my friends really have issues with her too. She even sent this big group text to our pledge class and specifically didn't put me in it. I feel like she is just creeping in on me and I don't want to look jealous, dramatic, and petty but honestly it's getting to me. I want to be the bigger person, I just don't know how.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
For now, take a deep breath and a step back. You are dwelling on problems that are not yet happening.
Your boyfriend has the texts properly under control. Her texts to your friends are petty, but so far, they have no actual impact on you. There is nothing you need to do to handle her at this point.
You don't know what she is going to do when she actually returns. You don't know how others will react to her returning, including your friends who are already frustrated with her.
Take a deep breath, maintain your own friendships and wait to see how it shakes down. Just ignore the text games she is playing from a distance. They mean nothing. Tell you nothing about the future. It's okay to be anxious right now, but try to relax. We'll be here when she shows up and actually makes a move, but right now, she's a just a bad idea floating far away. Let it be for now.
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