|
Should I consider getting back with my ex now that he's well? (Long)
My ex-boyfriend and I dated for around 3 months. In the beginning of our relationship everything was going beautifully. Everybody looked at us like the perfect couple as we both lived on campus of our college over the semester and lots of people saw us constantly together.
Things were going like a dream and we had the most perfect dates. It was more than I could have ever asked for. In the past I had two somewhat serious relationships, but I never desired anybody like I did him and we spent weeks together at a time before going a day without seeing one another. Our emotions for one another were at a high and I thought he was the one.
Then out of the blue things started going really down hill. He started having really bad fits of what seemed like a mix between anxiety and paranoia and in the beginning I was able to pull him out of it, but they just kept getting worse. He would say really terrible (sometimes threatening) things during them that always left me shaken.
I started working a full-time job while attending class and that's when things got really out of hand. He started showing up to my work unannounced, showing up outside my classes, showing up in my dorm in the middle of the night while I was asleep, and one night when I was out with coworkers he called campus safety on me for not being in my room, effectively terrifying all of my roommates as officers searched our apartment. I also found out that night he had driven by my workplace to see if I was there even though he knew I was out with my coworkers.
I was so shaken by the whole thing that I didn't pick up my phone so he called me from another phone number so I would pick up which scared me further and I wound up filing a no-contact order against him, but the police never processed it. A few days later we wound up talking and he said he did all of it out fear that I had been kidnapped or hurt while out with my coworkers and that none of it was with ill intention. I wasn't sure whether to believe him, but I did give him another chance and we wound up back together, our passion for one another even higher than before.
Of course that didn't last long as he fell back into his fits and his friends and parents started looking at me like I was the one doing this to him. He even went so far as to act as if he was going to kill himself while I was away which was horrible and all of his friends blamed me. I started becoming really scared of him and what he would do and was going to great lengths to stay away from him, but he would still show up wherever I was, even waiting in the parking lot for me to come to my car to leave for work. During this period we weren't officially together or broken up and he said he wanted to still be with me which is why he kept trying to pull me back in while I was clearly distancing myself.
At the end of the semester I broke up with him again, without the intention of getting back together with him after, telling him I needed a break over summer as he went back home to another state.
We went two weeks without talking at all and I'm not going to lie, I thought about him every day. I was a cocktail of emotions about it because our highs were so amazing, but our lows were nothing short of horrifying and I didn't understand why he acted the way he did or why people blamed me.
I got a call from him today and in short he told me that he went to see a doctor and has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 2 and put on medication. We talked about everything that happened and he really wants me to give things another chance after summer when classes resume. I'm of course very relieved that he wasn't to blame for his fits, and that he's on medication.
I don't know what to do though. I do care a lot about him because our chemistry was so strong and when things were right they were amazing. I want to believe that now that he's received help and is on medication that things will be better, but I don't know what affects his medication will have or that it really helps at all. Unfortunately, I feel as though I won't know that without finding out in person and by then it might be too late.
I'm so lost and confused about it. I know my parents and friends won't approve because of everything he put me through and lord knows his parents and friends felt as though I was to blame and I don't want to get caught up in that drama, but at the same time I figure maybe they'll come around with time if things go smoothly.
I really just need any kind of advice or thoughtful words.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
thankyou because your whole story was needed to understand what is going on. He can say he's better and than he has seen a Dr. and diagnosed and is on medication, but until you know that for certain, it could be just a tactic to get you back. So check things out first before agreeing to get back together. I know plenty of people who say they are bipolar but are on meds. And some I never knew before medication so I'd never have guessed they are bipolar as they act very normal. In some cases, people have trouble with their medication, or aren't regular taking it/forgetful and that causes problems, or they have side effects they dont like, a big complaint of those on mental health meds. and the side effects make them so miserable they just stop taking the med instead of seeking the Drs help to try and find another med to use. Everyones different in how their body responds so as long as he is proactive in dealing with his bipolar, then it should be okay, as long as bipolar was the only reason for his behavior. If there is something else, you'll see it soon enough. There are plenty of women with boyfriends and husbands who don't have a mental illness who are still assholes and don't deserve to have a female in their life.
]
More Questions: |