|
How to Let Her Down Easy?
So, throughout my high school I, a 17 year old boy, have been pretty tight in my friend groups and I don't really consider a relationship that much, more or less talk to someone because I want to try and be in a relationship with them. But recently, there has a been a girl that is going after me, which I find hard to understand but yeah it is actually happening. So, she has been pretty much doing everything, like texting me first and starting conversations. You might be thinking I am asking how to make the next move, but no, I want to let this girl down easy so she can stop wasting her time going after me. The problem is I have no idea how to without coming off as a douchebag. The simple solution would just be able to tell her straightforward, but I would feel like such an ass I don't want to do it like that. There has to be a way where I can let her down without direct confrontation? That's what I'd like to know and just an FYI she isn't like overly clingy or anything, nice really, but I'm not interested. Thanks in advance.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
This is what happens when one feels attraction to a person and that person doesnt feel the same in return and that happens more often in life than one would think. The tragedy is when the person who has someone coming after them decides instead of telling them they aren't interested, for fear of hurting a nice persons feelings, actually goes along with it, thus giving a false impression to the other. In this case, it would be the girl. She needs to know you dont feel the same way but for some reason, most teen girls are very hurt and don't understand, thinking if they feel something that naturally the other will too. There will be hurt on her part for the reason that she may have built up in her imagination, in her mind, a whole scenerio of how she wants things to happen between you both, which is unfair to her and unfair to you. She may not have done that, but I don't know many girls who don't let their minds imagine whole relationships, just crushing on someone.
While its okay in this age for girls to approach guys first, they are in no way any more prepared for rejection. So whatever you say, no matter how kind, she will be as disappointed as you would be if you did find a gal you were attracted to who didn't feel the same back.
All you can do is mention the obvious things, maybe in an email or text so if she feels like crying, she won't end up doing so in front of you and can do so in private. Heres some things you might say: I like you as a person, you are very nice so it's not that there is anything wrong about you or missing other than than invisible thing called attraction. But to clarify, attraction for me isn't just skin deep, you are pretty enough, but its I just don't feel any attraction to you as a person. A pheremone attraction is something that people have no control over, their body either is attracted to someone as more than friends or you are not. So scientifically speaking, the pheremones are missing for sure on my part.
The reason you are telling her, even if its really disappointing to her is that you don't want her to have false hope and think that with just a little more effort, something can happen between you both. You want her to know right away so that she doesnt cut herself off from being available to any other guy who comes along and is interested in her.
If she keeps pursuing you, ask her one more time how she'd feel if she were in your shoes and some guy feels he's in love with her and tho nice, she has no feelings for him. Is she going to date him exclusively, even though she doesnt feel anything more than friendship, just to avoid turning him down and then being unhappy herself? If she keeps up contact, don't answer calls or texts if she does it constant. If you're close friends, the amount you see each other at school and one call a week should be enough to keep in touch. Anymore, and she is s tarting to become clingy.
Sorry, I know no other way than being direct. Being understanding of how she'd feel can for some be felt and so the words aren't as harsh but most people will hurt some when their 'dreams' are dashed.
In the future when she meets someone a better match for her in that way, she'll even wonder why she ever felt that attraction for you.
]
More Questions: |