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Friends Fighting over a Project to be with me
We had a huge group of friends which broke down due to fights on trivial issues. It so happened that the group got divided into 2 parts and i was a person who talked to both parties very well. One group is really studious and other is somewhat fun loving but they do study well & get decent grades. I am in my last year of Engineering and we have been assigned a project of 4 people.i have a friend already with me leaving a place for 2 people.Now onestudious friends have somewhat threatened to not talk to me if i do not take them. I have already made a choice of taking 2 people from fun loving group because they are really hardworking. Plus taking someone from the nerds will nt let me lead the project which i want to. I happen to be the guy who has lots of fun and manages studies as well. But this seems childish on the nerds' part of threatening to destroy friendship. I have a great bonding with everone and do not wish to spoil it for just 1 year. Advice needed please
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Friendship is important but you can only have a friend who is willing to be a friend in return. If a person chooses childish tactics with you, then if you cave in to their demands, you are now not living your life and making decisions for what you believe is your 'personal best' but settling for less to keep a childish friend.
If this person or persons are basically good people but just making a bad decision in this one area, then its likely that at some point in the future when they mature as individuals, they will be open to reforging the friendship with you, picking up where they left off as if nothing ever happened. This happened to me with one friend and twice with family members...adults too at the time of the event. What most people go thru is regret and embarrassmet and don't want to have to apologize and so they avoid trying to repair the relationship later. If you value them as friends, make the decision you feel best for you and the project and grades. Then of course, they will be pissed off. Give them time, sometime after the project, even a year later, make casual steps at contact with them if you desire, don't bring up the past, or forgiveness, let them if they wish, and just be like you talke to them yesterday and share something funny that made you laugh. Humor first off the bat when theres been no contact is a very good pressure release valve and relaxes everyone. I did this in a call to my sis who'd stopped talking to me. Months went by. One day my kids did something so funny I had to tell somebody so they could laugh too. I thought of her. Instead of "Hey we haven't talked in some time, " my opening to her hello was, You've got to hear the funniest thing the kids did and proceeded to tell the story. She laughed and updated me on her life, no mention on her part of I'm sorry or the past. I was okay with that. We all make silly mistakes and sometimes when it is something immature, its harder to apologize than when it was an unintentional mistake....hey thats just being human. I hope this helps.
If any person doesnt come back to you as a friend after a year, then no matter how much you liked them, its probably for the best as over time, it would have been more of the same if they hadn't grown up and matured and its not worth wasting your time trying to please one person who is expecting the whole world served to them on a platter. If a person can get to their adult years and like a child still expect their every whim and wish served to them on a platter, then thats not the kind of person able to really BE a friend. Any relationship, friends, life mates, are a two way street with input and care on both sides. It can't be all about them only forever.
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