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Love triangles are only romantic in movies.
Hello I'm a 23 year old woman from America and I think I'm in love with a man I met online.
This isn't what the hard part is for me, the toughest part is that I have two male friends who both claim to be in love with me. I've never been very strong worded but I've shot down all their advances on me and they won't seem to take the hint. Both of these men were with me when my fiance and I split, they were very good to me during this time and I found myself leaning on them. One of the men, let's call him Sean, also put his divorce into action practically the same time I was leaving my fiance. I spent a week with him and did every but 'the deed'. When it came time to go home I asked him his intentions with me and he said he didn't know, that topped with his chameleon personality and knowing that we weren't compatible sexually lead me to telling him that I wasn't interested. The problem with this is that whenever Sean touches me, my heart races and it makes everything so confusing. Whenever he gets me alone he tries to put moves on me until he can try and sweep me away to the bedroom.
Now while all this happens I currently live with the other man (Jacob) as I have since I was kicked out of my home I shared with my fiance. Jacob and I tried dating but I went through a pretty hard depression, which caused him to ignore me for 3 months while I got myself together. Sean has never cared about interfering with this relationship and put a lot of stress on me while I figured out that relationship. I've since ended it with Jacob, but he seems to think there's a chance he can win me back. I can't find it in my heart to forgive someone who just left me at my lowest. Both of them are very sweet and have helped me to an incredible degree, but now I find myself wanting them to back off and simultaneously not being able to pay for an apartment on my own. This is especially hard as I have no other friends in this area.
The wonderful cherry on top here is that while I was down in that slump I met someone online in an MMO I play. We've been 'together' since September and now I feel like I might love him. We've even planned on him coming to visit me before he goes home for the summer. He's from Saudi Arabia and he spends his summers there while he's in college over here. I'm worried about what forming a relationship is going to be like with him but I"m willing to try. I know that I will have to move into my own place but I don't know how to tell these men in a way that will make them realize I'm not interested, even though they're sweet and I have sustained some sort of relationship with each of them, that I'm getting my own place in hopes of having more room to date someone else. I don't want to lose my best friends, but I don't want to ruin their lives or they mine.
How can I tell Sean and Jacob I'm not interested?
Should I give up on maintaining their friendships after all this is said and done?
Thank you for your time..
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You are not so much in a love triangle, as you are being bullied by Sean, and in a bad living situation with Jacob.
Sean is trying to bully you into the bedroom, even though at this point, he must realize perfectly clearly that you don't want to do that. He is willing to cause you pain and stress and try to ruin your relationships with other people in order to have sex with you. This is not a man who cares for your feelings or respects your choices. This is a man who is only thinking about the sex he wants to have. This is not friendly behavior. Honestly, you may not be able to salvage any sort of friendship with Sean, if the only reason he has been a good friend to you, was that he thought he could 'earn' sex. You can't have a real friendship with someone who is only pretending to be a friend so someday they can convince you to have sex with them.
You've said much less about Jacob, so maybe his mistakes, as hurtful as they were to you, are things you can move past.
You are right however, it is now very, very important that you get out of Jacob's home. It will be very difficult to date someone else while you are still living with an ex. That's not Jacobs 'fault' that is just being human. At this point, you may be better off searching for a roommate among strangers than staying with Jacob and you both feeling uncomfortable and miserable.
Sean knows you are not interested. That is why he is bullying you in shady ways. You've told him and you haven't had sex with him. He knows damn well. The message you need to give him now is to demand physical space and never allow yourself to be alone with him. If he flirts or touches, tell him clearly to back off and respect your boundaries. You can't be friends until he starts acting like one. If he can't act like one, stay away from him.
Jacob you still need to speak too. He needs to know that you want to work on your friendship with him, but nothing more. You also need to commit to him to finding another living situation as soon as possible, so that you have a healthy distance from one another and friednship can heal.
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Well first of all I wouldn't exactly say their your friends more like guys who you've been somewhat dating and when that's all said and done you don't remain friends with "exes" So you shouldn't have to spare their feelings obviously if you wanted to be with either one of them you would make it happen, as for this other man, Online is a tricky place if you haven't met him yet maybe you should start there before you declare your love for him, you've been engaged so you know how love feels and what it takes, which is a lot of work, your 23 so I don't have to tell you but I think it's more of a crush then love since you don't really know him know him, my main point is this, you went from being engaged to this Sean guy then to Jacob and now all that's over, you've met this guy, ever think that maybe you don't like being alone?? I'm not saying it in a mean way I'm just trying to say maybe you should try being alone to get to know yourself first before jumping into another relationship, that way you'd know exactly what you want and can devolope a relationship that can last so you'd be happy....
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