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What should I do?
I met this guy at few months ago and the next morning he texted me, saying that he wanted to get dinner. So the next friday I invited him to my house which was empty because the rest of my family was out of town. After that we kept talking and hung out at my house one night and we did homework. However, he began being very unresponsive in texts so I assumed he was't interested in me, but he'll occasionally message me saying he wants to hang out soon, but never really making any plans. Like he'll text me late at night saying he's free then and I don't know what to do because I do kind of like him but I don't want to be lead off if he isn't actually interested. From your point of view does it seem like he actually likes me or is he just messing around. Because I think if he was completely uninterested then he wouldn't message me at all.
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If he's unresponsive in texts, trying phone calls and see what happens. People can get too distracted by whats happening around them and tasks to be done to respond to texts readily or even remember later to check and respond. If you really want to ask him to spend some time with you, just call and ask. If he texts you inviting you somewhere, you might try responding with a call. Let him know you have another choice of what to do that night, a girl friend asked but you'd prefer to spend time with him. Ask him if thats a for sure date with him or a maybe because if he might change his mind or something comes up, you want the courtesy of knowing so you can get together with the friend. He doesnt have to know its a fake option for you. But You do give the hint this way that you prefer to spend time with him and it sets an example of how he should respond in return.
You are correct in thinking if he was completely uninterrested he wouldn't contact you at all. While he might be shy, he is making the first effort, something shy people don't tend to do, I know cus I used to be shy or call it extreme social anxiety and I know I would never have made the first move in any kind of friendship, others had to make the first invite.
However....his interest may not equal the kind of interest you are thinking of or hoping for. If you want a commited bf/gf relationship, that may not be what he is after. A guy who is interested at that level with romantic interest included is going to have better contact with a girl. It is often more enjoyable for social reasons if you prefer friends of the opposite sex to find someone you like as a friend to go out with. He may prefer women friends over males and just wants someone he enjoys at friendship level to spend time hanging out doing stuff with as you would with a girlfriend. So this does not mean he is messing around with you and leading you on or trying to be confusing. It may be his only intent and he probably doesnt feel he needs to clarify that is what is going on for him thinking wise. If you have questions about him or his actions, you and he need to have better communication between yourselves so no one is left guessing. What helps is placing yourself in the other persons shoes and asking, if I were them, would I assume things or understand perfectly based on what I did or didn't say and do. He needs to do the same and I would ask that of him. Its not a bad thing to ask of someone who is a friend or something more. LEt him know how his actions come across to you. It may not be like that with his family or close buddies so he assumes you're the same. Teach him what you need to hear and how much info you need before you can be on the same page as him in k nowing where you both stand. When dating after a divorce, I had a list of what I must have, criteria a guy had to meet to be in relationship with me. So if he asked me on a 2d or 3rd date, thats when I went over what I was looking for in a romantic partner. If just a friendship, no benefits, then if I liked him enough for that I let him know but they all knew up front what I was looking for at that time so if they couldnt give it or were willing to, then that was as far as we went and parted ways. You might try deciding what qualities you are looking for and keep refining your list as you experience things you don't like.
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From what I've read it could be one of 2 things, and I dont want you to feel disheartened.
1. He is interested and he is really shy, if he wants to hang around with you then clearly there's something there.
Or
2.He doesn't know how he feels, I mean we've all been there right? We've all had feelings for someone and tomorrow it might feel different because we're unsure.
Just because he's unresponsive, doesn't mean hes not interested, he might just be shy or doesn't want to say the wrong thing, just don't feel like you're doing something wrong.
I hope in someway this helped, im a first timer and really want to help people.
I hope it works out!
- DanSkittles13, 23, AU.
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