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clingy
Me and my ex bf hav been hanging out for a year and 6 months now bt then recently he just stoppd speaking to me things arent the same like they use to be ths week iv been texting him almost everyday i even phoned him once but he dont reply to my text and he didnt pick up his phone..a few weeks ago when i saw him he told me he likes being around me he just dont like how clingy iv gotten im not clingy and i dnt mean to be im just worried about him cz its been a week and i havent heard from him,hs never been so quiet before..he is online sometimes bu he dont chat to me nli when its important..did i push him away cause iv been bombarding him with texts almst everyday asking whys he so quiet if his alive and ok bt he just dont respond...am i clingy thats why he dont reply..what do i do..iv decided to back off and just give him space and see if he will show up agan or not..do you think he will show and talk to me again..im really concerned bt i dont want to annoy him and seem clingy..did i push him away...sometimes he would just randomly text me out of the blue but now i dont know,i feel like something is wrong and here i am sendn him text msgs constantly..he told me a few weeks ago his not keen on people anymore and he dont like people needing him in his me time and hs not keen on clingy..i tld hm it felt like it was the last time im ever gna see him and he told me no he dont think so unles its what i want so i said no i dnt want our friendship and stuf to end so he said it wont happen hes just been full of shit lately..but know it feels like all i ever do is be annoying and clingy and overthinking things it feels like im pushing hm away and that il never hear from him again or even see him..what do i do please..iv decided to stop textn him and just bck off and giv him space..mayb or mayb not he will show up.do u thnk he will??
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I think you already have figured out that its something you are doing that is pushing him away. If he's a really good guy, not a player or user, then even good guys have their limit of what they can take from their sweetheart. Not critisizing you hon, there really is no way for people to instintively know what works in a relationship, and what will hurt it. It must be learned. The learning is either by the 'school of hard knocks' or experience, as you've been going through, or the learning is from studying successful couples and reading books, watching videos on how tos, and do's and don't of relationships. Some of the very basics like how one communicates with another person are going to affect any and all kinds of relationships your whole life long: ie friends, family, co workers, etc. not just ones dating partner or mate. So it is critical for you to learn the basics ASAP if you want a smoother, happier life and more productive relationships.
While each person is different in how they need their chill time/alone time, it is a basic need in most people, some need more than others and in different ways. I can be in a room with my hunny but buried in a book and left alone to read and thats my down time.
You mentioned several things you do that are known problems when it comes to how you operate in life. I'll tell you right now that your mind is behind all of your problems. Overthinking and second guessing, jumping to conclusions, fortune telling, blowing things out of proportion and many other distorted thoughts are yanking on your emotions, getting them involving and your emotions cause you to then take actions that create discord between you and others and in your case, its obvious for you with your boyfriend. So constant barrage of texts and calls is a sure fire way for someone to back off and need some time to themselves or want to get away forever. Constant calling gives the impression that a person is needy or clingy. It is important for you to understand that males feel and interpret and understand and act differently than females do. If you are a male and gay, same thing, as you're acting the female part. I would suggest you start with reading books on relationships and also on ones that deal with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT which concentrates on changing the distorted and self defeating thoughts that all humans battle at some time. Most catch themselves doing this and stop it as it happens. But some do it all the time and are so buried in it they cant imagine a life free of it. Start checking out self help books at your library or in bookstores. I know of a couple I really liked, When Anxieties Attack by David D. Burns on the CBT I mentioned, and a relationship book using again CBT, but written by a female, Linda Papadopoulos called What Men Say, What Women Hear. Both found at my library, might not be at yours but any bookstore can order it for you to pick up when it arrives. You save on shipping that way. Telling a person what not to do isn't enough, I know. So I really feel doing some studying will be a great help to you. Here are some things I got off a you tube video on men/women relationship problems.
1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wants and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women tranlate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.
In just that little bit right there is much truth for you. That part about women expecting that him obsesssively being in contact is proof of his love for her is true. Women do that. It just might be what you are doing, maybe not, There may be another reason why you need to hear from him constantly and fear when you hear nothing back. Some women have no life of their own...by choice I might add. They choose to pour all of themself into a relationship, a spouse, or their kids. Therefore once kids grow up and leave home or a spouse leaves/divorces, or dies, the female feel totally lost with no direction nor idea what to do with herself since what she designated as the
'source' of her life is now gone. It is important to be a whole person, without a mate, kids, or friends or family, Just yourself, an individual who is a whole person. A half person or one lacking a life of their own or having too many insecurities or weaknesses, will tend to lean too much on their partner, wearing them out and the relationship will be unbalanced and not the best it could be. It takes two whole persons to make the best relationship, not one and a half or two half people. Good luck dear.
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If you guys have had sex already then chances of him coming back are grim (less likely) however if you haven't then give him space and he might come back looking for you additionally if he does come back, do not cling on to him give him his free space and let him be the one clinging on you.
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