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How can I stop fear from robbing me out of self confidence to do things?
How can I stop fear from robbing me out of self confidence to do things? I'm not lazy, I'm a hard worker, I've always been the person to outwork someone in most creative projects (out of passion and also having no life, and rarely seeing "friends") but I often step on my own foot and squash opportunities for myself out of random anxiety. It's a problem that has plagued me since my adolescence, and really dampers my quality of life when I even have difficulty applying to a college, despite having good qualities, like being an enthusiastic student and good writer, because i don't organize my time to properly do everything I want in an application and feel very afraid of failure even when you lose 100% of the shots you don't take. I want a Ph.D. someday, the cost of college isn't an issue to me, it's like a fight against myself to do things in my own favor, to plan for something from months ahead. I got into the habit since my childhood of doing things at around the last minute which you just can't do with a proper college application for a decent school, with all the supplements, teacher recs and everything. How do I make progress in my life instead of letting anxiety keep me fixed in one place? I'm 20 and I'm still about to apply as an undergrad. I didn't tell anyone I didn't actually apply the past 2 years cause of my anxiety holding me back. I used to blame my school for not helping with the admissions process (it was extremely overwhelming to me, and still is, but kind of less, the older I've gotten) but it's really on me. I know I'm smart enough and I have good test results for where I want to go, but yeah, I don't know if it's just low self esteem or what. I was pretty depressed from ages 17 to 19, saw a number of psychologists, went through life and learned to accept and enjoy doing things on my own (than being sad about having no friends all the time) and now feel better, but now the main thing upsetting me is not being in school, I miss studying, taking notes, taking tests, I crave it. I've spent a lot of my time out of school self studying. I pretty much have no social life, apart from when I drag myself to a concert every couple of months. Music was pretty much the only thing that made me happy as a teenager, throughout my hellish high school experience. Apart from self studying, like learning about random topics in depth (health and environmental related, lately. I've literally been obsessed for the past couple of months) I'm a really diligent worker at my part time job, tutoring kids. I applied to the job instead of a restaurant or something so I could keep my mind sharp and also help kids in a program that helped me get better in math as a child. Hopefully it looks good for colleges, too, than helping peopl advance their heart disease. But then again, it's a job im privileged to do, cause if I was poor enough and my boss didn't know my parents perhaps I would have to work at a place I disagree with, like McDonald's, just to live. Anyways, so at work I just go 110% even though it's just a part time job, as its the main thing I have going on. It's kind of sad. Most of the workers tend to slack cause it's just about money to them, but I kind of go overboard, it's kind of therapeutic to work, honestly. I want to do math and Econ but I'm afraid it might look bad to do math, if I'm not straight out of high school. See, my dumb insecurities. Sorry this is such a mess, this is just me talking, unedited. I'll appreciate any advice, I'm kind of sensitive right now, so please be constructive.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
What you are experiencing is anxieties and self defeating behavior and many many humans have experienced this at times. Just that some experience a more severe type and more often or on going. I tend to think humans have a weakness for turning to this.
But the good news is, there is a kind of therapy for this. I used to have anxieties myself and the anxieties naturally lead to self defeat in your goals. They are both tied closely together. The help has been made available through a book written by a psychologist who used to rely on medication to treat anxieties among other things. When he finally learned of this newer therapy and tried it with his hardest to help clients with their ok, they achieved great results. I am talking about a book called "When Panic Attacks
Dr. David D.Burns shows you how to overcome every conceivable form of anxiety using CBT cognitive behavioral therapy, including
Chronic worrying
Phobias, including Agoraphobia
Panic Attacks
Shyness
Public Speaking Anxiety
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)
He has many different therapys to work at exposing and getting rid of anxieties, no matter what level of fear or panic if any you experience.
You may find the book at your library as I did or if a book seller doesnt have, it can be ordered. Trying to diagnos which particular treatment will work for yourself can be very hard. I've read through the book and the questions he asks the reader to answer first, I found it hard to do. Its much better to find a psychologist who uses the CBT method with clients to get the help you need. It wont be years or many months of treatments according to his track record with patients. Usually a few appts and the person is improved or cured. I have nothing to gain, I just know a good thing when i come across it and want you to see freedom in these areas too. Heres his website. I'd ask there for recommendation of Drs. in your area who use CBT. Good luck.
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