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Love but not "in love"
My girlfriend and I recently went through a tough breakup, it would've actually been our three months today. Along the way, something with her depression kicked in and she didn't feel the same way about me. She still says she loves me, she's just not "in love" with me. Is there anything I can do to change this and get my girlfriend back? I still fucking love her and I can't lose the one girl who saved me.
Thanks
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First you need to be dealing with a girl whose actions and choices are not being made while under depression. Only then can you know if there is a chance to get a relationship with her back on track.
So the first thing to do is to encourage her to try something she may not have done yet to get over depression. Its worth a chance, even if she's tried medication or seen psychologists before. Theres another way to heal people of depression and anxieties that is proven more effective than medications which only help a small percent of those afflicted. I came to learn about this when my ex was diagnosed with other mental illness, many of which can be improved by the same method although he resisted the help. I am talking about CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) and suggest you look into it and pass the info on to her. Theres a book availabe at some libraries or easily ordered from a book store called "Feeling Good, the new mood therapy" by David D. Burns. He has a website too you may want to show her.
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Once she is free of depression, then is the time to figure out whether she just loves some things about being with you or whether she is in love with you. Yes there is a great difference. My ex said to the counselor that he loved me as a friend and as mother of his kids but had never been in love with me. After a divorce, I looked for a new partner, and found my 2nd husband and for the first time in my life at 50 had a man who was in love with me. Its something you just know and feel in your heart if you are in love. So I can share what makes it different than just loving a person. My husband feels like another part of me, like an arm or leg which if I lost it, would be quite hard to adjust to, a loss of a limb/partner and hard to have the desire to want to go on in some cases. I find more joy in simply being in his presence doing just everyday stuff together, running errands, doing choices because life is automatically more rewarding and joyful if that special person is by your side. Also, I tend to think of his needs and feelings first before mine while at the same time he's doing the same for me. This means doing thoughtful gestures, knowing its okay to ask for what I need and it shall be done, no matter how tired or what mood he is in. If he's ill or hurting, my heart hurts for him and vice versa. We are proud to be each others mate and love others to see us together, glad to show off our mate. We make each other one of our top 3 priorities, the others being family and job.
We understand we're both human and may get frustrated but never angry with each other because we know we're both human, prone to makings mistakes and so we're quick to forgive and move on. Our most perfect gift for each other, besides store bought for birthdays, holidays, anniversary, is the time we give each other in the bedroom. This all to me is being in love. If this is how you feel, you are in love.
Many people who end up together aren't always the best match love wise, and sometimes are not a good match at all, but are fooled into thinking they are by the heightened feelings of a new experience or partner (known as NRE, new relationship energy) and it mimics the real thing of being in love. However after a while it begins to fade away until its totally gone for either both or just one of the couple. And that leaves an individual not feeling anything close to what they felt before. You said it was almost 3 months together and thats about how long ( weeks for some and a few months for others) before NRE wears off and a person doesnt feel right in the relationship anymore. So even if she was healed of depression, she may still not feel the same for you. This is part of life and I know it sucks cus I've been there before meeting my 2nd husband. I wish you the best dear. Good luck and blessings in your life.
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