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Liking someone is the most horrible feeling
There's this guy I hung out with a few times and we got a little intimate and I've been starting to have feelings for him, even though I don't know him very well. We haven't really talked in a few days and it doesn't seem like he's necessarily coming after me so I'm not sure if he feels the same way I do. This is just such an awful feeling--not knowing how he feels and having doubts about whether he wants me or not, missing him when I'm not around him, just wondering when the next time we'll hang out is. By normal standards it doesn't seem like he's dying to see me, but I can't just expect someone to feel exactly the same way I do right? I am just so emotional and sad and anxious all at once and it feels horrible!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I'll start with this question: I can't just expect someone to feel exactly the same way I do right? And my answer is right, you can't expect a guy to feel the same as you do. Its way different how guys feel about sex, dating and love than what girls feel and that's why you can't expect it to be the same. Let me explain.
This is an excerpt from a book I just finished reading by Linda Papadopoulos "What Men Say, What Women Hear"
"SEX: Women want to experience a certain emotional closeness before sex, while men view sex as a route to this closeness. Woman regard sex as both an accompaniment to a strong relationship and a method of securing that relationship in the first place. For men, its a physical act that can lead to an emotional bond but they often seek sex just for the sake of sex. For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them.
One Night Stands: involves maximum excitement and minimum commitment. Men are more interested in them than women because they are better at separating sex and emotion than women are. Therefore after a one-nighter with a guy the female is left wondering what their encounter meant or where it will go from here, believing there must be more to it than just sex at the spur of the moment. Men are more prone when seeing a good looking women, to feel lust. On other hand women spotting a model type guy generally think, he's hot but aren't necessarily thinking sex."
If a guy is very interested beyond the sex level, for an actual relationship, then he will go after the girl and not leave her hanging. She'll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is interested, especially if she knows what to look for. This is why I am going to recommend that you check your local library for this book, its where I found mine, or ask for it at your local bookstore. If not on the shelf, a store can order it for you and you don't have to pay for shipping.
After a divorce in my late forties, I was single and wanting to at least find a dating partner and sex partner if not a new long term relationship like a marriage partner. I was wiser and more self confident by now. So I put up a very descriptive dating site. Made it clear to the guys right up front, at the first time meeting face to face, what it was I was looking for, what my boundaries were and asked what his was. If I wasn't even attracted enough to potentially have sex if he didnt meet some minimum requirements I had on a list that they also were told up front and was in the profile, then they knew if I was someone they were still interested in or if they didn't like to fall in line with what I was asking of a dating partner, then they could just walk away. Yes, I let some really good lookers just walk away cus other than appearance, who they were on the inside wasn't what I was looking for. You would think that with more females birthed than males, that each male could have 3 wives or girlfriends if all involved wanted and it was okay law wise. But the fact is, there are so many males who are single. They are just as clueless as a female as to what it takes to dance the compromise to be in a relationship, how to understand the differences and despite that, find a way that both can still get what they want out of a relationship, and also be willing to give in a relationship. I did not act desperate for a guy just because he took me out once. So if you do otherwise, you come across as desperate and that puts you in a precarious position, where the men who like to get away with things will seek out a female like you and its not for a loving relationship like you are wanting. You can't expect a guy to really miss you until he's fallen in love with you. Theres a difference between loving some things about you like your laugh, your body, your thirst for adventure, a nurturing spirit, that sort of thing. And a guy could say he 'loves you' but when push comes to shove, he's still thinking of himself first and your needs last as he is not 'in-love' with you. I found that out with my ex. He finally admitted to a counselor that he had never been in love with me, just loved me for being the mother of his children??? Well that explained alot about his behavior. I hope you dont have to get to your late forties to learn what I did dear. Most people won't listen to advice and rather go the school of hard knocks and still not have gotten anywhere. Stop focusing on the guy. WOrk on yourself right now. It doesnt take long to change who you are and have more success at finding and keeping the right man for you. But you have to be able to understand men better as I do and already did before reading Linda's book. Read it and any others that teach about relationships from a Drs or psychologists view where there are some really helpful info, not just some author trying to sell a book. Work on your self confidence, books or videos on that too. You may believe you are confident and may be in many areas of life but at one point, I realized I wasn't confident enough in myself, with just how I looked and my personality that it would be enough to attract the right guy. If thats an issue as well, let me know and i can share a few things more on that specifically. Good luck dear.
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