|
How can I stop being a slut?
So I lost my virginity at a young age. I will be 15 soon and I lost my virginity to another 14 year old about 6 months ago. I'm not ashamed of this at all, he was my boyfriend, we'd talked about it before and I felt ready. However, as much as I'm okay with what I did, he was kind of an idiot and it ended quickly and that was it. I was upset about it, and his best friend who was angry at his friend partly for the reason he treated me, comforted me about it. We then ended up getting close and we did most things but sex. He was really lovely and I liked him a lot, and we weren't actually in a relationship but we were more than just sexual stuff. But he ended up wanting to get back with his ex girlfriend. That wasn't his fault and it just ended and that was it. I still didn't feel like a slut but I still kept it from my friends, worrying they wouldn't want to know me if they found out, they didn't know I was like that. I'm quite a high achiever and I dance and sing and have plans with my life and no-one expected me to do anything like that. But after my exes best friend ended things I just went off the rails. What happened wasn't his fault or hers or mine but I couldn't help feeling so rejected and unloved and I just seemed to lose all respect for myself. Since then I've sent naked pictures to multiple guys who just asked. Not people that I love, which 5 months ago would have been totally against everything I stood for. I've also relapsed with a past history of eating disorders and I just don't seem to be able to look after myself anymore. I have tried to take steps in improving though, I've opened up to my friends about what's happened, but even since telling them I've sent pictures to a past crush again and upset them. This boy was even someone that my best friend was 'talking too' although I wasn't aware fully of what was going on between them, I still shouldn't have done it. I'm just struggling to feel loved and wanted and I'm not sure how to stop messing up like this, because although my friends say they'll stick by me whatever, they're angry, and worried, and well I want to be strong for them and stop doing these things... Help?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I think adviceman49 has said pretty much everything I was going to say.
One thing I would like to add though is not to punish yourself for what happened. We all do thinks for reasons we sometimes don't understand or for reasons which at the time seem so certain. When I met my first girlfriend and we ended up doing things (we were both virgins at the time) I thought I made the right choice but after some months when we broke up it felt like it was the worst decision I could have made.
All you can really do is just learn from these things that have happen. As for the sending pictures to people - all I can say on that is not to do it again for your own safety, even if it's someone you are close to and such. With how old you are it would only cause problems in the long run.
Get some help though, especially with the eating disorder and with how you have been feeling rejected and unloved.
]
First off your not a slut. I personally dislike the word for in its original form , dating back to the 12 Century B.C.,it was a very flattering word not the derogatory meaning it has today.
As to your problem please understand we are not doctors we can only offer advice. From what I am reading I would feel that much of what you have written your parents are not aware of specifically your feeling of being unloved.
Lets start then with your parents. You need to let them in on most of what you have written. You do not have to tell them about your loosing your virginity. You do and should tell them about feeling unloved and the return of your eating disorder as the two are linked and it is important for them to know this so they can help you.
How you are feeling is not all that unusual for a teenager and specifically a female. The teenage years come with a huge amount of Tension, stress and yes drama. Much of this is because of puberty and the changes brought on by the news hormones released by puberty. Females suffer more than males because of all the changes their bodies go through. The tension, the stress cause what doctors now call "Teenage Depression." Some of what you have written are classic symptoms of Teenage Depression. It is the hormones and nothing you did or didn't do caused this. The good part is doctors can help you. This is why you need to tell you parents.
Most likely in simple terms what is wrong is a medical problem. A hormone imbalance caused by puberty. There is medication a doctor can give you to balance the hormones and equalize the stress which will help you with the depression caused by the hormonal imbalance.
Because of the stress that teenagers suffer, with what is now expected of them, the new social order in their lives. No longer being a child yet not being an adult it might help to talk to a psychologist. A psychologist is someone you can talk to about every thing you have written here in total confidentiality. Meaning it never gets back to your parents. You can tell the therapist you deepest darkest secrets and everything you need to talk about and get answers to that you won't talk to your parents about.
Ask you mom to make an appointment with your doctor. As the doctor first if he or she will ask mom to wait in the waiting room. Then ask your doctor to test you for teenage depression. Its painless and is a matter of the doctor asking you a bunch of questions. Then ask the doctor if he or she will suggest to mom that you see a psychologist.
Most importantly if you believe nothing else of what I have written believe this: YOU ARE NOT A SLUT.
]
More Questions: |