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i think i like my step-brother but i'm not sure if he likes me back that wa
i'm 13 and my step-brother's 15 (Jay). so we've lived together for 2 years but we've known each other for 3 and half years. so at first, he hated me and my mom because his dad replaced his mom. he didn't hate me as much tho. he never used to really talk to me but now we're like really brother and sister. he always insults me by saying i stink and that im fat. sometimes he always sings a song, always a different one. for example, i wore something different compared to what i always wear. so then he said i look like a really bad looking cowgirl (something like that) and then th next minute he started singing "she looked so fine, i just had to speak". he does this all the time. when we came on holiday, he started paying way more attention to me than he did before. like sometimes when i daydream, i always open my eyes very wide, and when someone looks at me while im doing that, my eyes start to burn/get watery. and when i looked into his eyes, he was staring at me. when i went int the pool (only bikini) the next days he kept tickling me. but only my stomach. so my mom and stepdad had an event that me and Jay went to. after few hours we went back to hotel cuz it got too boring. when we got there,(we had 2 rooms-1for me and mom,other for shush(stepdad) and jay). so since me and jay went back to hotel alone, he came into my room. we kinda always fight but for fun, so we did that and he basically threw me in the bed and just sat there on my back (nothing happened) and then next day, when me and mom where in room, he came in cuz he was too bored.then he went under the blanket where me and mom where sleeping on and at one point he was biting my arm through the blanket and hen he next minute he was holding my arm (mom didn't see) and when i kinda moved my hand, he took his hand away and it felt like he was rejecting me if you know what i mean. and when we were going for dinner i was trying on dresses to know which to wear. so i put this one on, and it was a bit stretched out. so i said i look fat in it but he said i don't look fat in it. so now im just really confused. we used to fight like that all the time and he always seemed to get me on the bed and then he would kinda sleep/stand on me and give me this look that he's about to kiss me but then he doesn't. he used to always look at girls but now he only looks at me. i don't know if he loves me. but i love him.
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Wow, this is one of those situations like dynamite waiting to blow...
You're going thru puberty and starting to have strong wonderful feelings around the opposite sex as far as your sexuality goes, he's had a couple years of this feeling already, and male teens feel so compelled to want to find a girl to have sex with rather than teens just masturbating to take care of their needs. I will agree your age is kinda young to ever contemplate having sex, but I do know that teens do. At your age, even if all the two of you did was mostly innocent, hanging out together in school like boyfriend girlfriend, holding hands and kissing, it would be very hard to stand up to the teasing and harrassing and maybe even bullying from your peers. they would react as most people would and consider a relationship between you both as taboo and wrong. If I were in your shoes, I know I would be seeing the guy both as a brother and friend, AND as a possible romantic interest if we both had the right chemistry for each other. It would be much easier if the two of you weren't both attracted to each other physically, just being friends only.
From what you say, his demeaning comments are most likely his way of trying to change his feelings and attraction to you, knowing it would be a very awkward situation if you were both to act on it and explore it.
technically or rather, scientifically, there would be nothing wrong with the two of you meeting under other circumstances, your parents not remarried to each other. Neither of you are blood related.
Although I know the reality of life as a teen. Its hard enough for two teens attracted in this way to keep their distance from each other and not experiment with a kiss or more. this is way most parents won't let their daughters date until much older or go out on dates alone with a guy. Not that they don't necessarily not trust the daughter but they don't trust the guy. So the solution is to keep the girl and guy apart as much as possible or chaperoned at all times. In your case, living together in the same house makes this extremely impossible to accomplish and thats why I said its like dynamite waiting to blow up. I know you'll both feel so tempted at one point to explore.
So, whats the solution? I think you and he should have a good private talk. He's definitely doing things that show he likes you as a guy would like a girl if not for your family relationship. So I would say something like, "Hey, we really have to talk, a serious talk. You and I are both teens who are not blood related. We both seem to be giving off signs of being attracted to each other. If our parents weren't married, we could actually date each other. Since they are, it makes things awkward for us unless you absolutely are not attracted to me at all, in which case I need to ask you to stop treating me like a girl you are interested in, in ways other than a sister. I am attracted to you and am starting to have feelings there but I don't want to cause trouble in the family. So we need to first be honest, do we both agree we are attracted to each other? Then we need to decide what we're gonna do about it."
Here's some suggestions. When the parents are not around, you both need to agree to never be in the same room together, find a way to always have a parent around or one of you takes off to visit a friend or do something outside. This means you both need to talk and agree, and above all, use your wills to resist each other.
If you try this and find it too hard to do, then you both might want to approach an adult to talk to, probably not the parents yet as I understand how uncomfortable it might be. But both of you talk to a school counselor and see what they suggest. In the end, you both may need to approach mom and dad if by resisting, the mutual attractions don't die down, and let them know how you are feeling towards each other, that if not for them being married, the two of you could have met in school and wanted to date each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. Tell them being under the same roof is making it impossible and that you both have tried by sheer will to resist and that you find you can not change that, so you are now asking them what should be done. Have them decide. I know its awkward. But if those two adults just figured two kids who weren't blood brother and sister were going to make it thru teenhood without falling for each other, then they are blind and short sighted and need to be woken up. They actually may not have ever given this a thought. So either you talk to another adult and have them approach and talk to the parents, or the two of you have a talk and together go talk to the parents. Its the only way I know of to handle this.
If you decide to try to have a relationship in secret, who knows what could happen? It could strain the parents relationship when they find out. Its not something you can hide for long being under the same roof. I'd rather try for their okay and approval to date and likely they'd work out a way for one of them to always be at home or one of you off to a friends house so you both aren't home alone. This is something they have to face and it would be terribly unfair to expect the both of you to somehow resist each other for the next handful of years. Some adult needs to know so they can help you both out.
good luck dear! Let me know how things go
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Ok, your both still young and new to roles relationships and maybe even how family dynamics work when it comes to step brother/step sister relations.
Your parents got married and that makes "jay" legally a step sibling, not a potential suitor.
If your still feeling this way when you are adults and have experienced other relationships then OKAY but until such time this is inappropriate. Even after your old enough to really be able to be together is thats what you both wanted (just so you know) it will probably still be looked down upon. i just have to put that out there, i believe in educating people and having all the facts so that you can make an informed choice.
I DO understand though that this can be a bit of a grey area and confusing for growing teens who are expected to just consider each other siblings because your parents got married.
Its not uncommon for non-siblings to develop feelings for each other but based on age, and your experience with having had other relations, what your feeling might simply be lust or confusion because your of the opposite gender do you see what im saying??
good luck. and try not to encourage him by doing anything where he can continue to see you in such a light.
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