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Still haven't talked to my friend
So you answered my first question I posted when I hadent talked to my friend in over a month I don't know if you remember or not but I was curious about one other thing that came to mind. There's this girl that I used the friends with until she started bullying me in high school and then I ended the friendship. Anyway one of the things she would do when she started bullying me was if I would make a new friend she would say something to them I never knew or found out what but whatever she said would make them just stop talking to me and I would never talk to them again. There was only one girl, I'm still friends with her to this day, that either just didn't listen to her or she didn't get to her and she stayed my friend. Anyway she knows this guy that I haven't talked to in about two months now and she tried to ruin things with him back then too. So about probably a month ago she sent me a message on Facebook basically trying to like talk to me again and maybe be friends again idk (I didn't respond) but anyway that made me realize that there's a possibility that she could have messaged him on there too and said something to him and he got scared off or something. I have no idea if that's the case obviously but like I said it's a possibility. I'm thinking him and his wife may just have new phones and don't have my number since obviously he hasn't responded and before I got your first answer I decided to text his wife but she never responded either. The only weird thing about that theory is that they still have the same phone number on Facebook. So I don't know should I just still wait like you said before or do I like sent a note in the mail just to check?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Sorry that I missed something in what you previously wrote, hey we're all human and prone to overlook or make errors.
It is a good thing you intend to avoid getting back together with or even answering this girl who says things to others behind your back that get them to cut off any friendship with you.
I will say though that even in 5th grade as I had to start at a new school, I experienced this sort of stuff. All the girls who approached to befriend me bad mouthed a chubby gal named Twila and told me to not befriend her as she was....and here told all sorts or terrible and unflattering stories about her as to why I wouldn't want to waste my time with her.
You would think when the majority of people told the same story, one would think there must be some truth to it. However, something in my character did not want to take someone elses word for it, no matter how convincing. I rather wanted to discover it for myself or hear the facts from the actual person of concern. I do the same with celebs, not heeding what magazines have to say, digging up dirt that might not be true. I prefer to hear it from the horses mouth instead, which means, directly from the celeb themselves such as in a personal interview with someone really good at it like Barbara Walters.
What I am saying is, that no matter for what reason a person paints you bad, that's only one small issue, your bigger problem is that all your 'so-called' friends would choose to believe her, both those who know you well and should know better to know its not in your character to say or do such things...
or those who don't know you well enough yet and are so weak in character themselves that they would believe anything told to them, meaning they are too gullible or total idiots, don't know how to use their own brains and yes, perhaps this guy was told something too. These are the types of people would believe as fact some headline on the National Enquirer, popular magazines or on the nightly news that shares something outrageous. All those venues are into making money and they know that dirt and lies and outrageous stories sells more issues and TV prime time than good, heroic, loving, caring stories about people. It's human nature.
However, we're talking about young adults here I assume with the one friend being married and as adults, this simpleton behavior of believing whatever bad gossip you are told about a friend or yours is middle school and HS behavior.
It usually not until our mid twenties or sometimes later that the frontal lobe of the human brain completes growing to its mature adult reasoning capacity. Before this, people are apt to make errors in judgement too often, make bad decisions, etc.... so this may come into play here but I can't say.
What I think could be a reason for this one girl going around turning everyone against you is that for some reason she is very jealous of your life and wishes she was more like you, for some reason hates her own life so far and envies yours. She may or may not have tried to duplicate your life in her own and not been able to feel satisfied, so if she can't have the same, the only way she can feel better is to lower you to her standards. This means, if she is bound to be miserable in life, she wants you to be too as thats the only way she won't feel she has to compete with you as you are now just as miserable as her. She may not show any signs of being unhappy but it could be there, just saying its a possibility.
This could mean at the very least she has low self confidence deep at core which she may not let others see, have issues with negative thought patterns, all which are best treated with professional counseling or...
this could be the signs or beginnings of a mental illness she has. So many people today do have various issues like that or depression or anxiety, all which involve the brain.
You can't help her. But if this is the case, you can at least be proactive, with the people you know and the new people you meet. She may have a skill of being very believeable like a con artist but you can...
Plant a seed of doubt in them where she is concerned.
SO here's what I would try in case any of these friendships are retrieveable. I would find a way to communicate with them either face to face as top choice so you know for sure they heard you, or a web based message, or write a postal letter.
I had the same problem with trying to get in contact with son in law and his new wife to arrange seeing my granddaughter for 6 mos. All my calls went unanswered. I had other relatives contact them on my behalf and was told that their phones were the same and they just hadn't heard from me. I dont know what their issues were but for some reason, other relatives knowing they weren't answering me, make them decide to pick up communication with me again and answer my calls. People can have grievances and cut off communication for the smallest of imagined things on their part. Why, I don't know but it sure as heck isn't mature adult behavior. We have a bunch of adult children raising children these days.
As to what you say in contact, you can go to the heart of it, saying you do not understand why as your friend, they are avoiding you. you are asking for their honesty, no matter how bad it is, you want to at least set things straight. If someone else has shared anything bad about you, you want to know too. YOu can now mention that you know of a gal from HS who would approach every friend you personally made, say something to them, (you don't know what) and after that, no one wanted to continue being friends with you. You are finding this is still continueing to happen today after HS and want to know from him if anyone has approached him to share something bad about you that could have caused him to begin avoiding contact with you? You don't have to name her. Its better you don't, let him name her. You could try the same with others.
As for new friends, every new person you meet, I would tell your story soon after meeting them if it seems they are enjoying the friendship. Again without sharing a name, let them know of a female bully in HS who approaches every new friend you make to turn them against you. You are letting them know she most likely is very jealous of your life, wanted to be like you, can't and therefore has made it her mission to make you as miserable as her. And this is how she attempts to do it. You ask only for them to evaluate you as a friend by their own experience rather than believe the words of an outside person. And you would like to know from them if they are approached by a person about you and who that person is as you suspect it is this particular girl.
It may sound cheesy and and odd or terrible thing to do, but so many people today ARE very gullible and preparing them ahead for something like this just may make them think twice before believing them. I am sure its possible she follows your life still and watches to see who you interact with to attempt to poison things for you with others. For this to go on for years in this manner speaks to me of mental illness and she can't be forced to seek help so you can only do your best to be prepared for the worst in this way.
Also, I don't know why you never asked, but the one person who remained a friend and never turned against you, I would ask her if anyone ever told her bad things about you in an attempt to turn her against you as it seems to happen often in your life since a bully in HS starting pestering you, again, no mention of names as you don't have the kind of proof that would be acceptable in a court of law as damning evidence, not until other people, many all provide her name to you as the one who started this all.
So send your letter in the mail, also talk to your one friend , see what you can find out, and warn other new friends without sharing the name of the person who seems to have something against you whom you suspect is going around sharing some convincing bad false stuff about you.
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