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recent problems involving masturbation
Hi...I am 16yrs and i have recently ended a relationship with my bf who is more than 6years older than me. I am a virgin but since we hardly saw each other for several months we used to do sexting... send videos etc. I never liked doing it... i mean i was fun because he.was always.happy and playful but he would masturbate a lot while i would just rarely touch myself but fantasize a lot. Now his.aunt found out and ordered us to end our rrelationship. He did but now i desire him a lot. Although i deleted all his pictures and videos i remember them and touch myself until i am tired and fall asleep. I feel guilty in the end because my mum and family would be really annoyed if they knew. My religion doesnt approve. I had been touching myself hoping to have.an orgasm but nothing works. I dont want to penetrate myself at all but touching my clitoris makes me tired and i dont have an orgasm. Should i try to have an orgasm or try not to masturbate? If i should have one what can i do to have one which does not involve penetration? Ps.i dont watch porn.i have never really wanted sex until i met my ex. And i have only dated older guys and i am afraid to date anyone since i am always so horny. I dont want to lose my viginity before marriage and younger guys are always so horny. My ex was horny but we didnt do anything that both of us wanted and didnt force me to to anything.
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Hi dear. I chose to attend church on my own as a teen, married at 20 and heard all the sermons that were against anything sexual. Not just against masturbation but against many okay sexual things between a married couple or two unmarried consenting adults.
Although, I heard the sermons and didn't understand why the church is against any of a sexual nature including masturbation, I could not stop from pleasuring myself. Then I was married to someone not my sexual equal, a real mismatch so I wasn't sexually fullfilled unless I gave myself orgasms. Sitting in church, my feelings warred with how good and natural it felt and didn't feel sinful or bad but yet I was told it was.
You are also at an age when a young person begins to think for themself and start to shape their own beliefs and moral nature and no longer go by what has been taught to them as children. The people teaching such things are well meaning and do not do so out of hate or to make people miserable or in the end, f#%k them up, but that is exactly what happens. Your parents are believing what they think is best and expecting you to adopt their way of belief simply because its been drilled into you and they expect you to do so out of habit or belief.
I want you to understand that the best thing a person can do, at any age when facing such diverse difference of beliefs, is to not 'blindly' believe any longer and spout what you are told to say, but to actually check out all the facts for yourself, read books, talk to other people as you are doing here and then make your own decision based on the facts you gather. If you truly in your heart come to the belief that musturbation is not a sin, then your subconscious will be freed and that goes a long way towards helping you be able to achieve orgasm clitorally.
It helps to use a personal lube, KY jelly or other used liberally on your clit. You can have good feelings just when rubbing it dry but to achieve an orgasm, its much easier using lube which increases the friction. Try also rubbing different spots, if not directly on the clit, towards one side or the other. I find this works better for me often.
However I still feel that the belief you've been taught that masturbation is wrong needs to be dealt with. I will share some of my own observations in case that helps. Can you imagine if God expected all winged creature to never fly even though He created them with wings and a natural instinct and urge to fly? It doesn't make sense, does it, kind of a crazy thought, right?
Well the belief that God created us with genitals and the urges that come along with and to expect humans to not use and enjoy those with the exception to procreate is a very faulty thinking. Thats like telling birds, "Under no circumstance are you to ever fly, it is evil unless you need to fly to protect/preserve your life (briefly) in an emergency. Thats no different than telling humans, "You can only have sex to procreate."
God didn't create our bodies with a switch where we could turn on or turn off our sexuality. We were meant to be sexual creatures, sexual based and to have these urges. Some people have higher libidos than others, and younger people often have the need more often but that is also normal, nothing to be ashamed of.
I suppose the churches freaking out over anything sexual is the fact that males are visually stimulated. Woman can be too but its more the thoughts and fantasizing that get them going. However, they expect young Christian males to avoid looking at anything that might make their normal male bodily function kick into gear and them get a hard on whether masturbating or not.
Christians attempt to do the impossible here. I've seen the teen girls at a church outing have to wear a tee shirt over a 2 pc bathing suit so that they were covered and couldn't "Provoke" the sexual appetite in males. This is totally crazy. CHurch families work soo hard to shelter any male members of the house from seeing anything that might arouse them while at church or within the family home but then the male is exposed to regular society. He has to work with or go to school with other females who arouse him whether wearing a dress or tees and jeans. Then theres advertising and so on. If a male were to not be sexually aroused visually, then he would have to have his eyes poked out. And then, that still doesnt solve it as young teen males can have several hard ons a day even without a female anywhere near by. It is a physiological thing Drs and Scientists can tell you there is no escaping unless a person were born without any sexuality. There are a few like that. This is a normal body function and starts at puberty which can vary these days starting as early as around 10 to 14.
Another thing Drs and Scientists have found is that orgasms are a wonderful stress reliever and so, are very healthy for a person to have regularly. Every body is different tho, so some are happy with one a day, others with way more, some require a lot less and are happy with once a week. How often doesnt mean something is wrong with a person.
If expected to remain a virgin until marriage, the only way to satisfy these very natural needs in a person is by masturbation, so I am a supporter of it, no matter what a persons religion.
Also, there is a popular belief spread around, "Use it or lose it." While perhaps no danger yet while in teens or so, by time of late 20s on, if a person isn't getting regular use of their sexual organs, either through masturbation or with a partner, a person can slowly begin to lose the ability to be able to do everything they were created to be able to do. Men might still enjoy touch, feel aroused but no longer be able to get hard, and I am not talking about ED, erectile dysfunction in older men or those sometimes affected by medication. Women can also find their desires fall asleep, only sometimes resurrected with the right sexual partner but can remain asleep permanently. While their body may be still capable of having sex, they feel dead, no desire whatsoever with no chance of those urges being reinstated. I heard that women who don't get enough sexual exercise of the vaginal walls with sex during their life can in older ages have weaker walls that collapse and must be supported by a cylindrical tube inserted that she must wear at all times. On a visit to my GYN, he said sorry for the delay, he couldn't use his exam room cus the lady before me was one with such a tube, which when removed to do her exam let loose the foulest odor in the room, that wasnt going to dissipate soon. So it can't be healthy, but more a way for germs to remain stuck in there.
With these real practical reasons alone for masturbating or having sex, it is a smart practice. Trying to coddle Christian men so they aren't aroused and expecting the women to follow suit, is doing a great disservice. We need rather to be taught self discipline, of not forcing ourselves on others. this is one reason why certain priests not allowed to marry get in trouble, why some priests have sexually abused children, and why some christian men can have all sorts of bad sexual habits, bad because he used only pornography to take care of all his needs, marries, and can't remmain faithful cus he's now got an engrained habit of only being aroused by different women all the time or porn.
So masturbate and also decide for yourself what you believe in other areas of life that the church has strict views upon. As I learned to think for myself, I have discovered many things that are not sin. You can always pray and ask God to let you know if a certain thing is sin or not. I've learned to listen to God directly over the doctrines of the church as those have been compromised and severely misunderstood in certain areas, not all. But every belief is like that. Has some good parts to it, and a bunch of junk thats better not believing and adhering to.
Until you turn 18 and are an adult, I suggest you keep this and other such things under wraps and not allow the family to know as you will most certainly find opposition. You may break free of the ' blind belief trap' and go further than your parents ever will. You can't expect them to ever understand the choices you make throughout your entire adult life, even when married, or even who you choose to marry. These are all your choices to make. God expects each of us to live our own life, not live our life through someone else or our children. You, only you are accountable for your actions and what you even choose to believe that will direct those actions.
These are all the reasons I know of
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Hi there. You sound a bit of a mash-up of conflicting feelings here mate? First-off masturbating is natural and harmless and enjoyable. Parents are not likely to be genuinely surprised or shocked that their 16 year old daughter masturbates. They'd probably be surprised if you hadn't. It's not something parents and their offspring usually actually sit and discuss, true. This feeling that parents and religious beliefs strongly dissaprove will certainly not help you 'let go' and reach an orgasm. It'll act as a strong subconscious 'brake' on your enjoyment. Most women can have an orgasm when they masturbate as physical reasons why they cannot are very rare indeed. Now, whether a woman likes to penetrate herself or concentrate on the 'outside' (as we might call it) is purely a matter of choice. Some like feeling 'full' and some don't. Your clitoris is mostly 'outside' as you know and really it's the part most likely to make you 'cum' when it's stimulated as it's extremely sensitive. Porn is a matter of taste too. Many guys find it a great aid to masturbating in a satisfying way. Some women do too. If you don't, no worries. Your imagination is a very powerful tool. Even porn actually works by activating our minds, there is no direct contact with the images, is there. And women are more likely to be thought/idea-stimulated than males who tend to be more visually-stimulated. (It's not witten in stone. there are plenty of contrary cases. And of course women like a good-looking guy as well as a guy likes a pretty girl). So where are we going with all this?? OK. I wouldn't try to 'give-up' masturbating. That's a massive ask, as it's a very important part of our sexual behaviour as humans. And since you don't want rush into a sexual relationship with a guy it's such a good way to handle your (perfectly natural!) sexual urges and tension. I would suggest choosing a time when it's quiet, and you won't be overheard or disturbed. Relax. Try to put any ideas that it is wrong in any way out of your mind. Instead, let your imagination run loose and imagine a really ideal guy and situation. You 'direct' all the action. He can be a celebrity, a millionaire on his luxury yacht, or just that good looking guy across the street you see around. All up to you! Try stimulating your clitoris and the whole area. It can get very sensitive to direct-touch when you're aroused and a little lubricant, or wetting your finger tips with saliva (aka 'spit') can help things stay smooth and slick. Don't rush or try to force anything. Just see what happens. Think of the orgasm as something you 'reach' and not 'have'. It's about building up that nice tension of expectaion while masturbating until you reach the climax, when it's all released. That's your orgasm of course, and it should feel very pleasnt and satisfying indeed. I'm sure you'll get there with a bit of practice and patience. Remember, it's natural, completely positive and life-affirming and there's NOTHING wrong at all about you wanting to have yours.
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First off, there is nothing wrong with masturbation and really no need to feel ashamed, pretty well everyone does it, its healthy for your body, and especially beneficial if you wish to avoid having sex, while combating you're hormones.
As for things that can help, you can also try rubbing your nipples, rub around them slowly, squeeze you're breasts, can rub slowly around your clit to tease it and help the stimulation build up, sometimes teasing yourself can help greatly.
I've met quite a few girls younger than me who like older guys as well, good luck, hope you can cum soon.
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