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3 guys. 1 girl. 2 heart breaks. still love?
hi im 14.female.georgia usa. i know two young to have so many issues but i do. i ask for no judgement but i will have alot of questions asking to be answered. all on different things this first on is one of the big issues i have tried to solve on my own its just not going well so i ask for your help.
first i had a huge crush on my best friend who i have known all my life for six years. then last summer i told him. he rejected me i was so upset my other friend his niece who is three years younger then us was no help she told me to suck it up and get over myself.. but i tried. then two months later he says he likes me over facebook i was shocked up thrilled so we talked about it then over time he even said he loved me i was star struck. if it wasnt for the fact that he could go from sweet and happy to a total jerk in 5 seconds flat. and god help me i tried to tell myself it was just school and everything being hard on him. we dated for one week ..i even spent the night at his house with his cousin that week.. he didnt so much as talk to me the entire week it was so upseting then 5 minutes after his dad dropped me off at home he sent me a message saying hey i want to break up i hope this doesnt mess with our friend ship..i was like...yeah alright..i was so hurt i mean i would have hurt eather way but he could have at least said it before i came home you know face to face..and then he became worse of a jerk i have abandoment issues like severe ones and he is so close to me i dont want to loose him. he used it as a weapon for the longest time when he gets pissed he threatens to end our friendship i dont know how much i have cried over him. but i dont love him like that i see him as a brother now. thing is this is where guy number two comes in i ment this guy online we were friends for 4 months then he confessed to me without ever seeing my face or hearing my voice. he liked my personality. i dont post my picture or anything online so the first time we skyped was the first time ever he saw my face and me his. we dated 6 months no issues but guy number one started taking intrest in me again as more then a friend..i had to juggle loving my boyfriend and keeping my friend all at once..now a problem comes 3 months ago my exclusive boyfriend doesnt want to be exclusive so he dates other girls i was fine with that because he promised when summer started it would be back to the same old exculsive dating. i hurt everytime i saw his status change to in a relationship with someone else i cried more for him then did i ever did for guy number one. then..4 days ago..my love ..told me his school is out but he decided he doesnt like being in a relationship with anyone. and i had noticed that when he was not with someone he seemed happiest. so i understand why.but it hurts so much we agreed to break up and hes single now so am i..i hurt so much..but now guy number three he has a thing for me for a while i kept saying no to him because i was hoping id get back with guy number two. but now im single and guy number three told me he loves me...and we have been talking and i feel like i care for him but i still love guy number two sooo much and guy number one my first love and my best friend..is being himself..and all and im just..i feel torn into a million pieces..i hurt and i want to just curl in a ball and morn my lost love..but i care for number three but i dont want to get involved until i have gotton over two ..but i dont think i ever will. another thing. guy 1 lives not far from here. guy two lives in michigain. guy three lives in florida
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Internet dating is fine for getting used to having conversation with boys but in the long term, there are too many parts of actual in person relationships missing and you will never learn how to have a real relationship if you rely solely on these. It is worst if the LDR isn't in the same city let alone same state. It lessens the chance once old enough to be on your own to ever marry and have kids with someone you've only known on line, never met in person or only once, and neither is willing to leave their hometown and friends and family and a good job.
So, first off, that strikes two off the list as true dating possibilities.
That leaves the friend who is on again off again and seems to be unstable with his feelings and Very confused. Well, that is a given at this age. There is a lack of experience and no clue whatever in how to understand the opposite sex let alone understand oneself fully at this age and so this is a recipe for lots of confusion and hurt and rough times. It is so for most everyone.
So what do you do? Evaluate each individual guy with a set of criteria which you create and will change over time as you experience certain things. You probably have a good clue what you don;t like already from watching the issues and problems or your parents or girlfriends parents as couples. You will add to it as you experience the things you don;t like either. You'll also have a list of the things you are liking in a guy that you date. Whats important to you now may change in 5 years time and so will your list but it is a good thing to refer to when you are confused as to who to choose for a boyfriend. I did this after a divorce when I entered the dating arena again after experiencing all the worst possible things that could go wrong in relationships. Learn to recognize the early signs of what that looks like and back away from any guys who exhibit that behavior you don't like. It isn't worth putting up with all the bad stuff just because he's handsome and the only guy interested in you right now. Never settle for less. Decide what you want, look for guys who seem to have some of those qualities and go after them if they are single or when they became single again. At this age, relationships tend to not last very long according to studies done on teens of each different age. So consider it a good thing that you and some guy was even willing to try. Until you try and fail, you wont have a clue how to adjust to have a better chance next time. If a dating relationship lasts 6 mos to a year at this year before breaking up, that is actually quite successful an accomplishment as most dont last but weeks or a month or two at most.
Whatever you do, do not date a guy to feel complete. That never works because of basic human psychology reasons. You need to be and believe you are a complete individual and find another who also is complete and self confident also before a relationship has a chance of going anywhere for any length of time. At this age, too many have a low self image, social anxietys and low self confidence for dating to work. In time, you and your peers will hopefully most grow out of this awkward stage and have more success with future dating. Keep this all in mind as you think about dating. So your guy 'best friend' is confused which is normal for this age. What helps often is some good heart to heart talks when there are no distractions and done face to face...no texting and finding out what each others concerns are, what each of you is comfortable with and what you aren't. Maybe he gets teased by friends about liking you and can't handle it and that could be a reason for backing off again. He has never explained what his thoughts were that led up to his call to break up and why he couldn't do it to your face. I will say guys hate to see tears from a girl and its worse if they caused it, so they'd rather avoid face to face and try to pretend to themselves it didn't hurt you. He needs to know that no matter how he does it, it hurts all the same and it hurts worse if he cant give a good explanation as to why he changed his mind. Obviously he has some issues, worries and concerns which may include you but may not involve you at all. Good communication dear, is one of the important keys to having a good relationship. If you find a guy who will not cooperate but being willing to do this step with you, no matter how quiet and shy a personality he may be, then there is no hope for an easy relationship if any relationship at all with him. So try and have that talk. this means you both need to trust each other enough to share your thoughts, your feelings and fears in depth which is something that two people who are best friends for years should already have, that kind of trust. If neither of you can trust each other that way, that is another crucial key needed in a relationship that is lacking and its not going to go anywhere without it. You will learn in time of other crucial things needed to make a relationship work. If they are missing, you won't want to waste any more time on a guy who has problems with those areas.
good luck with the friend.
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