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What do I do about my relationship?
Hi there,
Ive written here before and going to summarize before I get to the point.
Im in a long distance relationship,Ive loved this man for about 4 years now,we met when we were teens,Im 25,he is 26.He is California,I am in Washington.
4 years ago,I knew when I re-connected with him,that I liked him,and made a choice,to pursue him.
We were friends of course,and were flirty and one day I said I love him,and he admitted the same. Things were great,and then he went through some things,and he seperated himself from me,during that time,we say hi and bye,and I was always there for him,and we re-connected and picked up where we left off,time passed,nothing official,but it was nice. But some parts in bewteen didnt always pan out.
But about a year ago,we became very very very serious.And I wa just so happy.He opened up more and he really liked me,and told me.We'd talk for hours and hours and hours,we really had love between us.I was suppose to see him in August of last year,but backed out because I was afraid of flying,and was too scared to take a plane,and my mother refused for me to take a Greyhound.She said take a plane,or else you cant go.I choe not to go,and me and my love parted ways.I have always regretted that choice so much. You have no idea.I still cry about it because of guilt.How I wish I had gone.I couldnt deal being away from him,so long,almost 2 months,and I sent flowers to his house because I didnt know any other way to contact him to say I was so very and truly sorry.It was very emotional for me.He said he really missed me,and agreed to get back with me. Speeding this along,he has been unemployed and keeps getting let go for his jobs.He so far has had at least 4 in this year alone.He wants to save enough money for him to get a place for him and I,so we can finally live together. What I always dreamed of. He always kept saying ''Im broke,I dont have money'' I asked of course when I could see him,and he said when ''I have money'' However,he managed to get himself $800 to go to EDC in 2 weeks,in Las Vegas. He didnt have any money huh? When I talked to him on the phone,he told me just how he kept trying to make sure could pay for this and go to this event. This was so important to him.
Is it wrong of me to be pissed that he spent all this money for himself and not a penny on me?
''Be patient,be patient'' he keeps telling me
Patient? 4 years isnt patient? All that money you spent? You want me to be patient?
As if that wasnt enough,he doesnt think we should talk everyday,he says hes comfortable enough and we dont need to anymore,and he doesnt need photos either.
We always said good morning to one another,and now,its an issue.He never complained about my photos..However he makes sure to like all his photos of models and porn stars on his Instagram,for that he has always made the time for.Oh he doesnt mind looking around.
Its breaking my heart. I asked''When can I see you?'' He responded ''When I get the money......or if you could get the money too''
Yeah,do it all myself.
I have always done all the work.I have always done it all myself. I have always been the first to text.call,write.you name it.I have always been there in every bad time he has been in.
And this guy,is just sitting back.
So what is this?
Oh you can handle one more thing,just one more time.
Or my favorite''I should have a place by Christmas''
He always kept promising,he is still promising.
Im sick of it!!
As if that isnt enough,here;s a topper for me,he had a relationship for 10 months in 2013,and never told me.He posted some photos of them on his Instagram.And made an announcemnt on Facebook,due to the fact,I was blocked from the accounts,I was never able to know until,actually a week before I was suppposed to see him.
He still likes her photos on Instagram,even she has a fiance and he leaves comments for her. Very weird. She has been respectful enough to delete the photos of the 2 of them when they were together. He still has yet to delete his off his Instagram.He still doesnt know,that I know about the relationship he has with this woman.
All my work,time and dedication for nothing! I havent just poured my heart and soul in this,I have put in my life in this!
Im just outraged that he spent all this money to go to Vegas,yet tells me''I dont have any money for you to come see me,Im broke''
Seriously though?
How long does it take to send a text message? Say 10 seconds? He cant 10 spare 10 seconds to say good morning after I do? Uh,I dont think so.
But boy,he just has to like his all these women's photos on Facebook,its like he's addicted.
Anyways,my heart is so shattered. He kept promising and promising.I dont want all that Ive done for nothing. It cant be. I really do love him,and quitting is always there for an option.
I just wanted us to be happy and be together.
But has rejected me alot,and he is so now,by purposely ignoring me,but every once in awhile he says good morning,hi babe,I love you,that kind of thing.
What do I do here? Please,what do I do?
Is someone else involved in his life?
What are my options?
My heart has fallen apart
Thank you all for your advice.
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I will go back to the first thing I found odd, you saying your mother forbade you from taking a greyhound bus compared to a plane? You did say you are 25. that is an adult and it doesnt matter what your mother thinks anymore about your choices. Any that involve her living and you living under her roof apply as its her house. But your choice of use of transportation is not her territory, but yours and your decision alone. For you to go along with her wishes and cancel tell me something in seriously wrong. It may be subtle enough that both of you can't see it, but mom is controlling you and you are not strong enough, haven't enough backbone to stand up to her. If could mean you've been controlled all your life and as such never had a chance to discover your own self and strengths. I have a suspicion of other things you may struggle with unknowingly but will not bring that up.
So to get back to your questions as to whether someone else is involved? Who's to know? Its a possibility. But if not, then the question that remains unanswered is why he's so warm and friendly at times and goes the opposite the next.
I hope you were over exaggerating in anger when you said that you are the only one initiating contact each and every time. He never does. Because this is a potential issue that could shed some light into your situation. Have you tried waiting to see if he will after some time contact you? this may be the best thing to do as you will soon have your problem solved. If he never contacts you again, then you were never high enough on his prioritys of life to be his true love the woman he wants to be in life long relationship with. this is just the way it is. A friend falls to a much lower position on the totem pole and is not at the top where you imagine yourself to be. You have unintentionally been sending a message to him if you've been to only one to initiate contact, that you are for one...desperate to have a man, and two, that you do not own enough self confidence to look for something better, just settle for less. Deep down, he knows he's been playing you, promises with nothing to back it up, excuses that are flimsier than a see thru nightie. I know you would never want to be seen as desperate or low self confidence but I have studied enough from relationship experts and those are two things his subconscious mind will pick up on, rather than his conscious mind and make him even more resolved to never go anywhere with you. Not to say he isn't going anywhere himself, sounds like he is spinning his wheels in place too. So if two needy people get together, can they expect a rosy future? NO! It will be nothing but turmoil as the both of you fight to lean against the other first for personal strength which can't be got that way. You have to own it, before going into a relationship. It is easy for a heart to been very attached to someone ever if the person is very very abusive. that is one reason abused women don't tend to leave their husbands, fear of a broken heart. So instead they chose to be hurt on a daily basis emotionally or maybe also physically to stay with him because they fear their heart would break and never heal if they left him. As pitiful as it may sound, there are plenty other fish in the sea, and given enough time, and knowledge of how to look for what you want or even know yourself well enough to know what you need and want, you can find it.
I see very few options. Certainly no magic words that will make him want you.
I really don't see the point in being able to claim him as your sweetheart and he profess that too and live together if you are forced into taking care of him. For once he has you there, he won't need to work in his mind, and sit at home waiting for you to bring in the bacon and pay all the bills and never lift a finger. All he'll be likely willing to do is have sex if even that. If he's had 4 jobs in one year, he's doesnt even make the scale of 1 to 10 in how good a prospect hie is for you. Not the fact his is unemployed, many are, but habitually unemployed, most likely points to emotional or other problems he has with one of them, not wanting to grow up and having someone else take care of him, another being a kid in an adult body, wanting to put money towards the immediate thing that interests him most, going to Vegas rather than coming to visit you or inviting you along. Obviously, you dont make his list of top priorities in life. If you continue to go after him, I am afriad, that like me, you will have to learn the hard way. I was in a bad marriage for 30 yrs before I woke up and saw the light and decided to leave him. I hope for your sake, it doesnt take as long.
Good luck dear.
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