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Breakup/Parental disapproval
I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months a few days ago. I initiated it and thought I was able to get through it fine since I believe that I've never actually loved him as much as he loved me.
When I broke it to him on a Friday, he did not want to accept it and so I ignored him. I texted him on Saturday morning, urging him to say yes and agree to it since I'm hoping to find my closure too. He called me and we talked over the phone and I said very hurtful things to him. I told him about the two guys who tried to hit on me while we were still together and I admitted that I played along with them and did not make it a point to them that I was attached. (I still feel very bad about it but it was the period of time when we quarreled very often). He accepted it and said that he would still come over to my house to fight for me since he said that I didn't cheat on him. And yes, I've never cheated on him. During the phone call, I didn't know why I said all those hurtful things, but perhaps it was my own way of pushing him away. Then, he said something that ticked me off (I can't even remember what) and I hung up the phone. He tried to call several more times and I declined the call.
His mother called me afterwards and started screaming at me. And this was really the straw that broke the camel's back. After which, my mother called back to scold her and I never heard from him again. As a form of closure, I sent him an email but he has yet to reply. Right now, I'm feeling like I'd give anything to get back together with him because I know I will never find someone who will love me that much. (I know this is really selfish on my part too).
I can't text him or call him now since I think his mum will check his phone and my parents forbid me to do that since they think that this guy isn't worth it. also, I believe that if we tried to get together gaian, our parents would strongly disapprove which makes me feel like there's no way this relationship can go on.
Any help? :-(
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Don't know your age dear. If you're a young teen, this is part of the territory and the parents having been that age once should know that 99% of relationships of teens do not last long in the first place as they are busy going through the learning experience. If you are college age or older, you're an adult and do not need the approval or disapproval of any other adult, parents included.
His mother sounds like a mental case and if you were to become married to him one day, she'd be the interfering mother in law making your life miserable. It may also mean that he clings to Moms apron strings and lets her rule his life instead of make a stand and handle his own life affairs. Either situation would be enough to convince me not to try to get back into a relationship with the guy.
I can't tell you why you did and said what you did either. We all do such things in life at some point and regret it later. However if you look close and find yourself actiing like that consistently, then perhaps time would be best spent trying to challenge yourself in such areas to grow up a bit more, as you're the only one who can make yourself change for the better.
As for whether to get back with him or not, if you are still under 18 and not an adult, what the parents dictate pretty much goes. You need to learn to have open in depth conversations with them, you and them both listening to each others points of view on any subject including this guy. But you also need to trust that it is entirely possible that your parents with their greater amount of experience in life, are able to see something that has them concerned and therefore disapproving of the relationship now. I trusted my parents and listened to their advice. It seems you may want to do otherwise. If you do, you will break your parents trust and you may get hurt in the relationship by his interfering mother.
When I was 20 and married, I thought I had found the best person for me. At 20, I was an adult but without a brain that was fully complete growing to its mature completeness which doesnt begin to happen until the mid 20's. Anytime before then, our decision making ability is compromised by a mind unable to weigh outcomes, or make good decisions. It was a big mistake and he became abusive. I stayed way too long with him through raising of our children. So while you may think now that you'd never find someone any better than him who loves you as he does, that is yet to be seen. Same as it was for me. I am now remarried to a man who is as different from the first husband as night from day. And of the boyfriends along the way inbetween, even those whom I thought were the best I'd ever be able to come across, I always found someone a step better while I learned and grew with my experiences.
If he was really the ideal person, and you were really deeply in love, it would have been near impossible for you to break up with him unless he had been treating you in a destructive manner, hitting, verbal abuse, lying and cheating, etc. Even then, many women stay with an abusive person, settling for less. Young love or first love can always feel so special that you think nothing can replace him. Let time go by and see how you think about him after months have gone by or another year. No, you won't forget him, we will always have our memories but the pain of the separation or hurt of breakup will lessen over time and it becomes easier. If a couple years go by and you've both matured more and still both have extremely strong feelings for each other, it will be worth a try to get together and see how you do. But if you are a teen living with parents, it might be best to let him go dear.
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