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Girlfriends drama!!!
Okay. So I had a girlfriend who I was dating for three weeks (I'm a thirteen year old girl by the way) I know it was a short time but I had been crushing on her for ages and I was (maybe still am?) in love with her. She has a friend who she was close with, too close with, out of school with texting and stuff it was fine. But at school her friend (everyone in this situation is a girl, this is at an all girls school) was all over her, and she barley spent any time with me at school. I told her I was uncomfortable with this and she said that her and her friend wouldn't be separated by a boy or girl, and that if I wasn't comfortable then I should leave. I said that I will always love her but I couldn't be in a relationship where I was unhappy. So I broke up with her nicely and we left it at that. The next day we didn't speak to each other at all. I didn't want to abandon our friendship so I asked if she still wanted to be civil. She said Ahaha, no. We hadnt spoken in about two weeks after that. During this time there was a girl that I had also previously crushed on, and as it didn't seem like girlfriend 1 wanted anything to do with me, 2 days after I broke up I got together with girlfriend 2. Girlfriend 2 is kind and pretty and sweet, I can't find 1 flaw with her. But once with her I realised that I had moved relationships too quickly and I was still dwelling on girlfriend 1. But I thought that if I broke up with girlfriend 2 it would ruin a chance to date her when I was ready to move on. I still dwelled on Girlfriend 1 at times, telling my friends I hates her to suppress my feelings. And then I got more into the relationship with girlfriend 2 and we told each other we loved each other so much and stuff with love hearts and a billion kisses on texts, exetera. But deep down I'm not sure wether I love her like that, or she's just a distraction. Yes I know! I could be being a real bitch but I'm super confused and that's why I'm asking for advice to help me with decideding what to do with things. Anyway, so I'd have been dating girlfriend 2 for 2 weeks tomorrow, we've got each other gifts and stuff for our two week anniversary. But then tonight girlfriend 1 text me saying this exactly:
So
Um hi
This is just to say I'm really sorry for being such a bitch two weeks ago and I know I'm probably the last person you'll ever want to speak To again
But I'm willing to take up your offer on being civil if not friends again?
It's just that I do miss having you as a friend (let alone girlfriend) because you were an amazing person I appreciated having in my life even if I didn't show it much
So
Wanna be friends again?
Seeing this instantly made any progress I made go down the drain as old feelings were brought up again. Girlfriend 1 doesn't know I'm dating girlfriend 2. Old feelings were brought up and I agreed to try being friends again. I asked her about her sudden change in feelings after 2 weeks, she said that she missed having me in her life. I think she may want me back from his she's put things, I think she'd wait awhile before she asked anything though. But if she does want me back I feel like I'd want her back as well. But then there's girlfriend 2 and I think I may like girlfriend 2 as well, but who am I kidding? I think I still like girlfriend 1. Someone please tell me what I should do!!! I'm so confused and upset and I really need some help. Thanks :(
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This sort of thing happens often whether it is same sex or opposite sex couples. It is especially more common when those involved are older and just don't know what they are looking for in a partner or too young and starting out to have any previous experience with this.
Think back to how you felt when 1st girlfriend left you for another. You may have heard the saying that two wrongs don't make a right. This is where you are at right now. For if you leave #2 for #1, you will be doing the same thing to her that #1 did to you. You will be hurting her when she's done nothing to hurt you and doesnt deserve such treatment, just because you happen to love two people at the same time.
There are relationships like that which do work out for couples who have more than one they love at the same time but all partners are aware of the other and have given their okay for the one person to have two partners, in your case two girlfriends. It is however very rare as it is intensely much harder to handle than just one relationship and most older adults can't even handle the complexity of it. However I have heard of teens who are able to make it work. I do not think this will be necessary in your case and most likely won't work but just in case you end up at a stalemate with both girls and neither is willing to give you up, then it's something to at least mention.
My advice would be to stay with #2. Even though #1 wants you back in her life. Life is about forgiveness when hurt by someone and giving a person a 2nd chance. However in your case, it would mean hurting someone else. So you will need to be clear with first girlfriend that you found someone really sweet and are dating her and have feelings for her while at the same time your feelings for the first one (her) never went away so now you feel torn between two and don't want to give either up. She needs to know this as this is the risk we all run when we break up with someone and change our minds. The person we break up with just may find someone new. It happens to adults too dear and sometimes, that person is now happily married so there is no chance of getting back together with the other. Its how life turns out sometimes. It sounded like she was just asking to be friends cus she missed you, but I am guessing she is hoping for more which you can not give now without either cheating on your second girlfriend without telling her you're back with an earlier girlfriend at the same time you're dating her, or you tell her and break her heart. This is what's called “Being between a rock and a hard place, you're being squeezed to make a right decision and none is going to be great but there will always be one that is a bit better than the other and is part of what learning to make mature decisions as you grow up, is all about. The best would be to be honest with the old girlfriend. You are not responsible in this situation for doing something terrible to her as she did to you, even though her feelings may be hurt either way.
At your age, most relationships do not have a track record of lasting long anyways, months only usually, it comes with the territory of just learning about relationships through experiencing them. Its not an excuse, just saying that in time, most likely you and number 2 will decide to agree to part on good terms and move on to someone else. So if your first girlfriend is willing to take you back as just friend now without being her girlfriend and wait until you are single again and available, then problem solved. It doesnt change the fact you have feelings for both. But even adults find themselves attracted to or wanting someone else when commited to another. Just because they have those feelings doesnt give a person freedton, its best to use self-control, and choose to not pursue the other, if they are not single. Even adults mess up on this but more do get it right.
If being friend only to first girlfriend is something that you are sure would make yourself too tempted to take her back and dump #2, then it may be best to explain to her that you just can't do that right now and be just friends because of the feelings you have for #2, as you be too tempted then to do the same to #2 as she did to you. You can tell her you forgive her and still have feelings for her, as also for the other and that the right thing for you is to stick with your commitment. In the end, its all your decision and part of your learning process. There is no easy way for a happy ever after endings. Someone isn't going to be happy with the results or at worst, someones heart will be broken.
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Well bottom line it sounds like your really confused here and you dont know what you want. the only way to really NOT hurt anyone right now would to either be not date either of them until you can figure yourself and your feelings out, or tell gf number 1 and hope she accepts it. Its not your fault she decided to snub you and then while it was happening you met someone else. thats her fault, she made the mistake of treating you like that and you shouldnt feel bad about it because you did nothing wrong here.
sometimes its important to let an untrained baby sit for a little bit in their own pee so that they can understand what it feels like to be clean and do what their supposed to do (go to the potty and pee like everyone else) get it??
if you want to be friends again thats fine but i would keep her at a distance for a while until she proves that she can act right again or is willing to acknowledge that she messed up.
secondly, dont take this out on gf number 2, if shes a good sweet person then why would you go back to the person that hurt you?? do you WANNA get hurt again?? probably not.
i say just stay with number 2 and if you ever brake up then youll have number 1 to go back to since youve stayed in contact but at a friendship ONLY level.
; ) good luck
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