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How to help your girlfriend with debt?
I'm 23 and she's 25.
My girlfriend has been really depressed and stressed lately and I just hate seeing her this way. Before us, she was married then got divorced and due to the divorce she was left with around a $12,000 Credit Card debt. She's paying it off every month, it's just she barely has enough left over to treat herself and our two dogs. She loves to spoil our dogs first before herself. She has a full time job but just doesn't pay enough and she's already on the look for another job. She's living with me and I'm handling the house bills and sometimes she contributes as well.
My thing is, I hate seeing her depressed and sad. I really wanna help her with her debt but she won't let me. So far to me it seems it to be a pride thing, her pride is very admirable but I just hate to see her suffering. I want her to be really happy again and show that I'm there for her and have her treat herself and the dogs again.
So far I think I've broken the barrier down a little by giving her $200, I basically told her to take it and that I didn't need it, but for some reason I don't feel that much good about and I kinda feel like I shouldn't of done that? Why is that?
Also she doesn't deserve this debt. During the divorce she took on the whole amount because her ex-husband threatened to take away her dogs or "put them down" since he didn't wanna take on half of the debt. That just angers me and I just want to make that burden go away.
How do I help her with her debt? Do I set some money aside for her? Pay it off? Or let her handle it since she's already been for half a year now.
I don't want this affecting our relationship in a way but at the same time I don't want to affect it in any way either if I decide to help her. Like, I really want to but is it right?
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Let her handle it.
It's lovely that you offered her money, but if she turned it down you need to stop. Stop trying to 'wear her down'. She desperate, and will probably take the money and feel like shit about it.
Instead, when you have a bit of money to spare, drop by the pet store and buy her dogs something that will make her laugh. Take her out for dinner when she's had a tough day. Or splurge on a bottle of wine. Show her you understand what is important to her by respecting her boundaries and her ability to deal with her own burdens, and use the money you want to share with her by showing her you know what it is special to her.
You can't solve your partner's problems - of course you want too, but that isn't how healthy relationships actually work - and if they don't want your money, you shouldn't push and push until you make them take it. That is sure fire way to lead to shame and resentment. Instead, show her your support.
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Ok what it sounds like here is she feels shes mature enough to think " i got myself in this and ill get myself out of it and i dont want to burden other people with this" She could be feeling like late down the line if your relationship really is serious that she doesnt want there to ever be any resentment over it or for it to come up during an argument that "you paid it off and if it wernt for you....." do you see where im going with this??
She sounds like a strong willed woman who is able to take care of herself shes just stressed about the whole situation.
I say if she doesnt want you to help her then instead of her pampering the dogs, YOU do that. Maybe say that you WANT to and that it means alot because you love them too. play to her emotional side on that one and then tell her "well i also want you to have more money to push towards that bill so it can get paid off faster"
she may not like right now that your trying to be her knight in shining armor even though thats very admirable of you. ; )
maybe just try to make OTHER things in her life easier so she doesnt have to worry about them and only has that debt to worry about. She sounds really focused on getting it paid off and thats a GREAT trait **cough** wife material** lol.
shes obviously trying to be serious about bills and money and thats rare with quite a few females cause they dont know how to budget and spend and pay bills alot of the time (at least from my experience)
I realize this also may be a hard conversation but after all they ARE dogs and will live if they arent spoiled all the time. So maybe cutting back on spoiling them (depending on what that is for you) grooming, expensive types of food for a while might be a good idea, they will live. As soon as the bill is paid off she can go back to spoiling them, but right now just showing that your on her team by trying to take care of everything ELSE so she doesnt have to would probably be the best way to go.
good luck ; )
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