|
waiting on him... also how do I handle this?
Hi there. I'm in a long distance relationship. Its been about almost a year we've been together. I have known this guy for a long time now. Longer than a year. Things have been going good for the most part. On valentines I got a video from him. And I haven't heard from him since. He's still liking my Instagram photos and viewing my Snapchats. He's also viewed what I have sent. He hasn't spoken a word to me. Its so weird. And all this waiting is making me very Andy. And I've cried a lot because I believe he has left me without saying anything. He has never done this. I'm so taken back but I think if he wanted to break up with me that he would have said something. He also would have taken me off his Snapchat and unfollowed my Instagram too. So. What is going with him? We haven't seen each other yet and it painsvme so much. My mother has done whatever possible so that we never see each other. In fact. Just yesterday she complained and couldn't understand why why we needed to see one another. I want to take off and see him of course. Its not fair or right that our that our relationship should fail all because mama put the brakes. Please. What do I do?? I've cried so much. And I'm in so much pain. I'm 25 and he is 26
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Well, at your age, you're an adult and can decide what relationship to get into or not. Likely your "Mama" is relying on her life experience or stories of people she knows to determine whether this is the best way of going about finding yourself a partner. I too from experiences in my own family know that long distance relationships in general do not work. there are exceptions of couples who were dating and then go off to different towns and colleges and keep in touch and visit on holidays or breaks and then marry after college. Or the military wife whose husband goes off to whatever he is scheduled to do but its away from home and he's gone for months or years at a time. They keep in touch via long distance. These LDRS have one thing in common, they knew each other, met and were together before situations drew them apart for a while. Not saying these are are successful, there is still a possibility of failure in the relationship due to the stress of being apart but its far far less than those who meet on the internet and have never met.
I am not saying the internet is not a good way to meet people, I am saying that when used as a way to learn of someone's existance and if focusing on those close enough to actually meet, as soon as someone sounds to your liking, you find a way to meet them as soon as possible. I suggest within a week and if not possible, then within a couple months 2 at most. The reason is that with the internet, it is all 'theater of the mind' and those things you believe are fact may not be at all, it is too easy for a person to hide things about themselves. Never mind that when you do meet, the two of you may have no chemistry. Chemistry and pheremones is a very real thing. I used the internet and dating site to meet guys after a divorce. I am social and desired a new life partner. I met some that sounded so wonderful to me and when I met in person, about 1/3 of the guys had been hiding something from me. Example: I get allergic reaction to cigarette smoke so I said 'no smokers'. One guy thought when I met in person, since we did so great in chat, that I'd fall for him even though he was a heavy smoker. I stuck to what was important to me and told him it wouldn't work for me, as nice as he was. I wasn't looking to make a guy change to be with me, he had to already be there.
I also found a guy who I clicked with and talked long hours each night on the phone, his face shot was pretty handsome. I wanted a guy who was height and weight proportionate, a nice way of saying, you can be overweight but must be able to be as active and energetic as me and have same diet habits, mine more lean to health foods. Well, when I met him in person, the large collar hid his double chins and he was extremely obese. He ate a very poor diet, mostly into fast foods, never cooking for himself, always eating out or just consuming junk foods in between. I was shocked again. If I had spent a year or a couple just being in relationship with either one and falling for them deeply and then met, it would have all been for nothing as I had criteria for myself of what I was looking for in a guy. And they didn't meet it.
Now I found a guy who was extremely handsome. the kind of handsome like a model, where just the looks of the guy makes you drool and feel sexual juices being stirred up. I was thinking at the first meeting, wow, how'd I get so lucky? I was so taken up with his looks it blocked out my ability to pick up on chemistry until a couple dates later when he had me over for dinner. We kissed when I left and the chemistry was slightly there but not that strong in the kiss. I am guessing he felt none at all as I never heard back from him again. Chemistry is just as important as the friendship you feel and friends is about all you can have on line and then, even the in person friends are way more rewarding than someone to chat to on line.
The family I don't who had a long distance relationship, and was younger than you, but when they met, they were so excited, they kissed and held hands and were so lovey dovey and then he went back home because of school. And now that draw, that excitement to finally meet had been taken care of and both of them found their interest in each other starting to lessen. They didn't write each other as often and eventually it stopped totally. that was NRE, New relationship energy which seems to be sustained and go on longer in LDR's because of the inability to meet in person. NRE mimics the real thing, real love but it isn't. Its the same as the excitement as a kid over a Christmas toy. It was exciting while you saw it on TV, or tried it in the store and begged to get it, and it was exciting for the first few days or weeks you had it but eventually you lost your interest or it didn't draw your attention like before. With an LDR, you can't build trust, it must be built in person. There is no way to know if he doesn't have a couple other girls in LDRs as well or if he's dating one where he lives. Its too easy to keep secret from you as others have found out the hard way. A year in my opinion is too long to spend waiting to meet in person. You're both old enough to have jobs and your own money to travel and meet when you both coordinate vacation time. If he wants a relationship with you, let him come to you. Set a date time and place, then you will know if the two of you really want to be together and no longer separated by a computer screen. You'd both have to work out who has a profession/job that is easily found again anywhere in relocation, and who had the job they cannot leave, tenure, or whatever. Then the two of you plan for one of you to relocate, get a place together and then you see if it can work long term. Living with someone 24/7 means nothing can be hidden for long from you. This is the only way to really know whats important to know. Does he have any behavior that is destructive to the relationship and mistreating of you? You won't know til you live with a person.
You may love mom but you no longer are being raised by her. She had her chance to train and influence you the best she knew how. She may be right as I in knowing that LDRs are not the best way to find a mate. Its one of the worst ways to find one in fact, another would be trying to find your mate by hanging out at bars. If someone need drinks to be outgoing or gets drunk all the time, not a good place to find a life partner.
But in the end, it's your life, your choice. I've told you all you need to hear to realize what an uphill battle this may be and he still may not turn out to be the guy for you. So why waste more time pretending he's your boyfriend over the internet, when you both can arrange to meet in person and discover for real if he's the one.
If neither of you are ready to do that, neither of you are ready for a real face to face relationship and may never be. Often a reason is that LDR's are safer if kept that way, you don't get feelings hurt. But as you know, you're hurting. So whats the solution? Do nothing and you keep hurting because nothing is resolved, you don't have an end or revelation positive or negative so you know where you stand.
If you do meet, you risk finding out he isn't who you though he was and there is no future there and you go home hurting. But that hurt, like a breakup in real life, will go away eventually over time. If you meet and its love at first sight as well, then hurray, problem solved, you found your guy and now can work out compromises to be together. If one of you isn't willing to compromise, then back to feeling hurt and having to drop the guy, no matter how great, if someone places too many other things in life as more important than you, then you fall too low down on the totem pole and he is not in love with you as he may claim.
]
More Questions: |