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Girl Is My Neighbour
Hello.
I'm looking for some advice. This involves my neighbour down the street, she lives like 20 houses away on a little crescent just off of my street. My street is also a crescent, but it's a whole street long. The crescent she lives on ain't very big - about 7 or 8 houses and is going around an "island" which was bush surrounded by red bricks. All the kids in my neighbourhood (which isn't much btw) used to play on that island and hangout. There were 8 girls who lived pretty much next door to each other on that crescent and who all spent a lot of time together. I'll get more to the story but that's where I met this girl.
When I was really little I met some of these girls. For the sake of anonymity, I'll call her Lilly. Me and Lilly were really young but I still remember helping her up after she fell on her tricycle. She gave me this look, like I was her hero. It was weird. Anyways, I've got 3 younger brothers and she's got a younger sister. The girl next to her has no siblings, and there were two other sets of siblings that lived near there. The older we got, the more my brothers and I quarrelled with these girls and their families over the freedom to play there. There was one day where we all had an argument there, but she stayed there in the back (she's always been shy) just staring at me. And it's random, but I fell in love with her. I learned to brush off the things said to me and in time they stopped hating me and started just hating my siblings and our friends. In time, all the fighting stopped.
It would be for the next few years (3-4 years I think) where no more fighting occurred. Every time I rode by the island on my bike she'd be getting into her van and she'd be staring me down. Hard. It never stopped there either. I didn't see her for a few years (as weird as that sounds) till high school. I ended up in her drama class. The same night, I got a friend request from her and her friend on Facebook. She flirted with me over Facebook and her friends (ALL of them) knew my name. Her guy friends told me that she'd say yes if I asked her to semi-formal (she got really nervous I think and said no when I asked her) and her girlfriends were telling me she loved me. Admittedly, she did nothing but stare me down throughout all of grade 10 (I was homeschooled beforehand) and high school.
Then it stopped. She deleted me from Facebook and stopped talking to me during the last half of grade 10. She's never given me a reason and refuses to talk about it. Her friends all tried to get to know me in grade 12 - 2 years after all this happened. I've been in love with this girl since grade 5! I've graduated college and I'm going into law, but I still think about her all the time. I still see her too. Her sister, even now, still adores me, and her parents have had conversations with me and they love me.
I heard from someone years ago she thinks I'm creepy but she never has acted like I am. I messaged her twice when I got drunk and asked to talk over coffee but she never replied - but she never blocked me either. I've never had her friends tell me to back off or tell me anything negative so I can't tell what's happening.
The few questions I have are...
* Do you think she has ever had feelings for me?
* Do you think she's worth trying to get?
* How can I get over her? I've tried EVERYTHING but nothing has worked, not even a little bit. I've loved this girl for about 13 years now. I was 10 when I fell for her and I'm now almost 23. She's a year younger than I am.
Can someone please help me? I can't get this girl out of my head, no matter how hard I try. If she really hated me, she'd tell me to piss off and/or block me. Why hasn't she done this yet? I'm dying inside...:(
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When you say has feelings, it may be different than what I consider 'feelings' to mean. And it will differ depending on the age. When I think of feelings for a person, I am not even using the word, instead the word I use is 'attraction'. A young kid can feel attracted to another kid more on a friendship level, a curiosity level. From puberty on, when we are attracted to a person and actually 'feeling' something, usually those initial feelings of interest are largely based on a physiological response in yourself to visual stimuli. The other senses, besides sight play a part, you might like the sound of her laugh, the scent of her perfume, but visual is the biggest. There is no one who will consider dating someone they are not attracted to, where they are not 'feeling' the sped up heart beat, butterflies in stomach, heart doing somersaults, breathing changing, finding it hard to speak to the person all of a sudden--tongue tied, feeling the blood begin to pool as sexual organs are aroused, feeling tingling down there, getting wet.
Next would come a surface level of knowledge about a person from seeing them often either in the neighborhood, at school or at work. For example, from simply observations, I learned a coworker of mine who brought leftovers for lunch liked to cook the same recipe I did, something not well known, called drop noodle soup. This kind of knowledge we can pick up tells us if we have some things in common but its still not enough to know whether a person is going to be right for us in a long term relationship, that can't be learned well until hanging out with them 24/7 which won't happen if the other doesnt have a strong attraction to you and willingness to check you out on a deeper level. She's older now. So ask her out. She turned you down for a dance once. The only way you can know if she ever had feelings is to get her talking and ask.
Is she or is anyone worth trying for? Hey, it kinda depends on you and what you are looking for in a girl. Sometimes we dont know that until we have dated around a while and come to discover things we like or don't like. There are some things that can become deal breakers to a relationship, like one being communicative and outgoing the other silent and introvert, one having a high libido, the other low, one wanting kids one day, the other not wanting them at all and being of radically different spiritual beliefs if very active in them. From what you say, it sounds like you have never dated because of interest only in her.
How to kill this interest in her and move on? Well, you will always have memories of her and can't erase this from your mind or wondering the what ifs, but you can start to date and the day you find the one you want to be with forever who is very special to you, she should outshine the memories of what you had of this girl. The real life relationship will help your attention switch to focus on that what you have in front of you rather to focus on what you think you might have had and never maybe had a realistic chance of getting. What if this girl is bi or gay and her friends dont even know? She might not be likely to date any guy simply for not being attracted that way or as a bi, afraid a guy wont understand and so does nothing.
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