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Lesbian
I can't talk to my best friend about this because I'm afraid she will not take me seriously, or she won't know how to respond. I'm having some questions about my sexuality. Are you comfortable talking about this with me?
I will give you a little background first so hopefully its easier for you to see where I am coming from. I'm female, and 24yrs old. I lost my virginity when I was 19 in my first serious relationship. However, when I was about 13, I was in a sexual encounter with a girl. I was unaware of what was happening because I was half asleep, she started kissing me and touching me and when I realized what was going on I woke up and tried to rollover. She then put her arm around my side and tried to touch me again, thats when I got up, left the room and told my parents.
I have always loved men and don't have any issues with being with men. It was after my first real relationship ended horribly that I started sleeping with other men and I noticed that my relationship attempts have been failing. It goes one of two ways, I find someone I am interested in and things are going well and then it just ends, or a guy is more into me than I am into them.
I have had sex with a girl before, it was a close friend of mine and it happened twice. I did really enjoy it and I often fantasize about doing it with her or even other woman. In fact, I mostly only watch Lesbian, or group porn.
I am very attracted to woman, but I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is real or just a temporary fantasy. Am I bisexual? Am I just going through a phase? Should I try dating women to see how it goes?
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Another possibility of something affecting you this way comes from your statement starting with: It was after my first real relationship ended horribly...
and I am assuming that first relationship was with a male and that other relationships didn't work so now that has you thinking it's a sign that you aren't meant for a sexual relationship with a man. I do know from talking to several females who were lesbians that there were two reasons they were lesbian. One, they always knew from a young age and were always attracted to females, NEVER males.
The other type, were females who started out liking males, believed they were heterosexual but do to physical or emotional hurts from a male or several males, they decided a female would be safer and maybe there was a psychological fear of men as well so they felt females are the better choice. These are women who chose to become lesbian as a result of negative experiences with males and in my mind does not constitute a true lesbian.
That said, there is also bi sexual females. These women are physically sexually aroused by both males and females. Just having an emotional connection to a female without sexually being aroused by her does not necessarily make you lesbian. I have found I have emotional needs met by both women and men but only feel aroused by looking at certain men, not women.
And then, there is the realm of porn or fantasy and what excites us there. Just because something excites you in porn or fantasy doesnt again mean you are lesbian. I have friends on SL second life game on the net. You can experience anything on there like being a Fairy or a witch to live out those fantasies. But regarding the areas of sex, there's lots of the unusual,People can experience having an avatar the opposite sex of theirs, experience sex with werewolves or other such creatures,, same sex, group sex, sub and doms, kinky stuff, sex with different animals, etc... whatever you can imagine, you can bet someone is doing it. The thing is, the great majority of these players have no wish to fulfill the fantasy in real life. Its the fact that something is naughty, wrong, bad or taboo that makes it exciting and when sex is involved, it creates sexual excitement. You believe what the girl did at 13, was wrong. That makes it wrong, naughty and so watching lesbian porn can easily give you that sexual excitement. There's women with fantasies of rape, sex with an animal etc...and it's not something they'd ever want to do in real life, finding it morally wrong and disgusting. But imagining it is enough to create sexual excitement.
You need to discover what you like strictly in fantasy only. What you like strictly in real life only and what you like in both areas. The only way to figure it out is to take the time to experience it. What is your mind set from, was there any religious up bringing, what positive/negative examples did you have from parents regarding relationships.
From what you write, It would seem your area of actual problems is relating to another person in a relationship. There are many do's and don't to learn when it comes to taking into account another persons feelings, how they communicate or understand you, their hopes, dreams, wishes, be it male or female. I do know from watching dating advice videos on you tube for women or for men that there are many common mistakes that both parties make over and over. If it's not a mistake in the daily functions of the relationship, the mistake is in recognizing and choosing a partner with the best potential. Most have no idea what they are looking for in personality and characteristics of a partner let alone how to look for warning signs that someone is not right for you.
So in my own opinion, based on what you wrote, are you bi-sexual? I say Maybe, I don't have enough info to determine that. Are you a Lesbian? I highly doubt it. Are you heterosexual? Yes. I am so sure that you are geared to desire men but your bad luck in relationships so far, combined with what gets you going in fantasys has you confused. So dating women wouldn't be the solution. Buying or checking out books on relationships and studying before you meet the next guy is the best thing. There are even seminars to attend that are held on the topic of relationships and dating. You have to sift through carefully but there is lots of good information on line also in articles and you tube videos. Learn what you want in a guy and then don't be afraid to ask for it right at the beginning, able to lay out a list of criteria you are looking for in a guy so he knows what he has to do to keep you or you will break up with him if he doesnt. Thats when you will finally realize the power a female has in a relationship if she takes control of the rules and boundaries and won't accept anything less than what she wants. Do that, and You will begin to attract more quality guys. If I can help you with anything else, or you have more info to clarify, or need me to explain something better, feel free to write to me.
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ok based on what youve told us here, it sounds like because you might have had a traumatizing encounter with another female as a youngster that your sub conscience could be playing a part here when it comes to thinking about having sex with other women.
im thinking a few things here and im just shooting this out there for you to chew on ok.
what if because you were basically molested by that girl when you were younger, your brain is thinking its ok to explore relationships with women when your actually straight? could this play a role in how you see friends and other women now?
and could the lines between normal friendships with other women and intimate relationships be a bit off because of that past encounter?
It makes me personally wonder these things because that was your basis for comparison about your thoughts on relationships with other women.....((if hadnt had that encounter would you still think this way??)) or have you always fantasized about other women?
after asking yourself these questions you might just come to your conclusion and have a clear answer.
its not totally abnormal for woman to be attracted to and want to be around other women, thats what your friends are for, i have some that are fine taking their clothes off around me and its just not a big deal because they know i dont care and wont judge them because i dont see them that way.
i didnt hear you say that youve "always" thought of women in a sexual light just as much as men, and then with the encounter with the girl just leads me to believe that your somewhat tramatized and your views on the lines between friendships and relationships with women are potentially a bit skewed. maybe thats something to work on within yourself.
something to think about ; )
good luck sweetie.
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It sounds like bisexual to me. One of my best friends is bi. Yes I think it would be best to explore a relationship with a girl. Not just physical but date also. Then you will know if it feels right or not. You know? That is just my opinion based on what you mentioned. :)
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