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twin brother hates my girlfriend


Question Posted Friday January 23 2015, 11:24 am

I'm 31 years old and female. My twin brother can't stand my girlfriend. My brother told me to choose, him or her. I ended up choosing him and broke up with her. I couldn't take being without her. I love her very much and could see myself with her for the rest of our lives. So we got back together. Now my brother hates me. He ignores me and barely acknowledges my existence. We live together with our parents and the tension unbearable. I don't know what to do. I love my brother very much and I don't want to hurt him. But I also love my gf. Should I give up my soul mate to please him?

[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Friday January 23 2015, 11:47 am:
I am a recovering addict. Our older brother died from an overdose at the age of 21. My twin and I were 17. Since then, we have gotten so close and became best friends. My girlfriend and I have used together in the past. I went to rehab and she moved to the country with her dad to get away from everyone. She only comes to town once or twice a month. We have both been clean and sober since September. My girlfriend and I have both done some terrible things because of our addiction. My family found out some of the bad stuff we did. We have both forgiven each other and ourselves. We are just trying to move on with our life. We both want to make something of ourselves. We plan on saving money to get our own place in June. I feel so confused. I don't know what to do. I definitely want my brother and I to be best friends again. But I also am madly in love with my girlfriend. My brother constantly talks about the mistakes she made in the past (nothing she did was worse than what I also did). He says there is nothing ever that could change his mind about her. He thinks she is the devil and that she brainwashed me. He thinks I'm only with her because I don't want to be alone. That isn't true at all. She is my first girlfriend though. I've only dated men before. What should I do? Should I break up with my soul mate to make him happy? If I did my girlfriend and I would be broken hearted and miserable. But my brother would be my best friend again. Or do I stay with the one I love and pray that one day my brother and i can be close again? My brother doesn't even say hi to me or anything and we live together. My heart is broken because I hate that my brother is hurting so bad. He hates her so much that it affects his daily life. He is depressed, withdrawn, isolated, and just miserable. He can't eat or sleep. I understand he doesn't like her and I respect that. I don't ever bring her around anyone and don't even talk on the phone to her if he's around. I feel like my brother must have some deeper issues and could benefit from therapy. He refuses to get help. I hate to see my brother so upset and would do anything to make him happy (except break up with my gf). I don't think it's fair at all for him to give me an ultimatum. I don't understand why he can't just accept that I'm dating her, and move on with his life. He doesn't work now and doesn't hang out with any friends anymore. He stays in his bedroom 23 hours out of the day. I just feel so guilty that it's because of me that he feels so miserable. Well, he says it's because of me, but I think he's using that as an excuse sometimes. I just dont understand how he can let my relationship status ruin his whole life. I feel caught in the middle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. .
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Ocalaphernella answered Friday January 23 2015, 10:26 pm:
Well if you think she is the one for you, and you're happy with her, definitely stay with her! You have to follow your heart and can't base decisions like this on other people. It's your life, and your love life, and that's all up to you. I'm sure your brother will come around eventually, even though it might take some time. Family can be important, but the person you're with becomes your new family, and that'll happen eventually, so you have to put them first if that's what you want.
Hope this helps~

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