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confused!!
So my bf (not sure if he still is) and I are/were in a long distance relationship for 4 months now.
Last week (Saturday), I sent him a text saying "hi" and he replied late night and I sensed something was wrong so I asked him if we are okay and he said yes and he told me we really were okay.
Then next day no contact.. I told him that I feel things are a little too distant and i'd like to know what's happening as I hadnt heard from him in 2 days and I even asked him if he wanted to do this anymore.
He said he does and he's not slept in 36 hours. I told him that I wouldn't know That unless he tells me.
And he said "I know. I'm sorry".
And after that i told him it would be easier for me to know why this is happening.. He said " he's got s lot on his plate. He's losing his mind ".
I told him things will be fine.
And I didn't receive any reply after that after last Wednesday. I haven't texted him since and I don't feel like it. Should i assume that we have broken up and move on. I'm really tired with all the drama.
Two weeks back this guy wants more communication and hated when I didn't text him. Now this is just contradictory.
I also asked him directly if he didn't want to do this as it would spare us from any drama.
What should I do.? I don't want to text him again as he was very cold in his messages. How long should I wait for his response if any and am move on??
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Definitely a lot of conflicting messages, and big discrepancies between what he says and what he subsequently actually does, I see? No wonder you're feeling tired, and confused as to the state of the relationship. I think really I can only highlight things you've probably worked out for yourself. The three options as I see them are: 1. He's facing some personal or work-related crisis that he is either unable or unwilling to disclose to you. Unwilling even to clearly state that there IS such a problem. 2. He has some psychiatric condition which may or may not be diagnosed, and is prone to episodes like this. Times when he is distant, secretive, confused and disorientated ('aka 'losing ones mind'). Possibly there are long lucid spells when he's 'OK' and you have not encountered him having one yet (it's the first since he's been with you)? Or perhaps he has hidden them? Also, there's a tendency not to want to confess to psychiatric conditions in many people. (This is a major problem. We do not 'hide' having broken a wrist' for instance, from our friends, or put off seeking medical help when we break it). 3. He does not want to continue with the relationship. It can be hard to tell someone it's over. But if that is his intent, I do feel on the whole he seems to have been drawing it out a bit too long, and is contradicting himself a little too much. Does it seem like that to you? Losing one's mind, under pressure, recently wanting MORE communication...these don't really map onto trying to tell someone kindly that they want out of a relationship, do they? If you pushed me for a conclusion, and one only, it would have to be that this guy is struggling with some emotional/mental demon or other, or that hs is facing some situation which is now, or will soon cause him a a good deal of trouble. The nature of the situation, or the trouble I could not begin to say with any degree of certainty. Work? Legal? Financial...even criminal? I would perhaps send him one more message. Tell him you are concerned. He seems distant and worried about something. Tell him you're there for him if he needs you. Ask him if there's anything you can do. Even if he just wants to talk to someone. No conditions. Probably make a vow to yourself that this is YOUR last communication. Time limits rarely fit well with emotional issues. You can't say to someone fighting their demons "You've got a week to get yourself together" for instance. But I feel you'd be justified in deciding that if he has made NO response (even his rather cold and unhelpful type) within two weeks then you should 'move on' in your mind. That is, NOT issue an ultimatum. Just leave the 'no response' as a provisional 'no' and if a new relationship with someone else presents itself then certainly grab the opportunity with both hands and don't let any of this hold you back. If nobody happens along to take your fancy, stay single. But don't dwell on the past. X
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