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Pregnancy - Breaking the News to Old-Fashioned Relatives
Currently I am paranoid that I am pregnant. I have not had a regular period since late October. Recently I experienced something that was like a period, but because it was so light I am convinced that it was just spotting. I read somewhere that sometimes a woman will have a light period when she first gets pregnant.
I don't know if this is in my head, but I am experiencing back pain, nausea after meals, headaches, constipation, which I have googled are some of the symptoms.
My boyfriend and I have plans to see each other, where I will take a pregnancy test at his house. Since the two of us are both in college we still live at home, so I would be taking this test in his mother's apartment. If it does test positive, I will ask him whether or not he feels comfortable about breaking the news with me.
Something tells me that his mother will be fine with it, since he is much older than some other people in his family who have been pregnant. His two female cousins on his mom's side became pregnant as teenagers. Even his mom had a child when she was 19, who she gave up for adoption, so she's been there.
His brother already knows and he and his girlfriend are being extremely supportive. I texted his brother's girlfriend last night, who has been here in the past, and she asked me what I wanted to do since it is a big choice.
My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend thinks that since I bled it is unlikely for me to be pregnant, but I look at that a little differently. I assume that she is primarily advising me on what she experienced, and online medical websites have told me that it's a possibility.
At the moment, I am confused as I ponder over what is the best choice for the two of us and our potential child. My boyfriend and I have an extremely loving and supportive relationship, and I don't know how I could possibly get myself to abort his child or give the baby up for adoption.
I am not sure if being raised by me and my boyfriend will be the best choice, because of finances and my education. Next semester will be my boyfriend's last semester but I still have another year left to complete.
Still, this is not the primary issue of my concern because I know that my boyfriend and I will make the best choice possible for all parties concerned. He's being amazing and totally supportive.
The problem is breaking the news to my own family. My boyfriend is so lucky to have the family that he does, which is so different than my old-fashioned upbringing. I am frightened of telling my parents. Primarily, my mother and my grandmother, who have already concluded that they do not like him.
How do I break this news to them if I am pregnant? I don't really want to tell them until I start showing. Is this best? Should I bring my polite, gentlemanly boyfriend who they have decided to turn against (even though he helped my mother get along using a cane during my cousin's wedding) to break the news (if possible)? I would prefer the perspective of a parent or grandparent.
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I am a parent and old enough to be a grandparent though my son has yet to bestow that honor upon us. I am though a Great Uncle in all aspects of the word.
First: If you are pregnant you would be somewhere into your third month or the first trimester. Your uterus would be hard and depending on your weight you should have a fairly noticeable baby bump. Besides the symptoms you described, your breasts should have enlarged in preparation of feeding the baby.
Second: There are many reasons besides pregnancy for missing your period. Stress is the biggest one and is the cause of more missed periods then even pregnancy. Stress over a possible pregnancy of being pregnant is number 1 on the hit parade of stress related missed periods.
Taking a home pregnancy test is a good idea. It will either put to rest the fact that you are not pregnant or that you may be. Follow the directions on the package as to when to test to get the most accurate results.
I don't know your mother so it is hard to say how it is best to break the news to her. Since I do not have a daughter but I have two nieces I am very close too. I can tell you that as a father or an Uncle in this case there is no man good enough for them, never see a guy good enough for their daughters. My nieces are married to two very nice men on a firefighter paramedic as is my son so he gained slightly more acceptance at first.
My thoughts are as they are with any problem; to attach this head on as quickly as possible and then deal with the fallout. Mom and grandmother, you say, already don't like your boyfriend. Well they don't have to you’re the one who will live with him if you marry. If you’re pregnant married or not you will share this child with him forever.
Having your boyfriend with you when you tell your mom and grandmother will be great support for you I'm sure. The problem becomes do you want to put him in the line of fire of the rath you seem to expect when you inform them of your pregnancy. It is very possible they will not be as upset as you think they will be. Even as old fashion as you say they are, perspectives change when faced with the fact they are potential grandparent and great grandparents. Babies do that to us.
As to how to tell them, once you confirm your pregnancy. As I started with the best way is straight on. You say; "mom grandma I'm pregnant." Then wait for their response. They may some very nasty things. If so your response is very simple and one I truly believe in and give as advice practically every day.
"I'm over 18 and an adult responsible for my actions and allowed to have a sex life." You can in effect go on to say we made a mistake and we will deal with it. This really is all you need to say and all they need to hear. If they are supportive that is different and you can have a different type of conversation with them. IF not you have done what is required of you and let it be known that you and your boyfriend will decide what to do.
Speaking for myself if you were my daughter; I would be upset that in this day and age you would not have taken the proper precautions. I might say something to the effect of; "How could you have allowed this to happen." "I would not chastise you I would ask what help you needed from me.
That is me that is the way I work. I can't speak for your mom or grandmother. I do believe though that given time they will warm to the idea and eventually come to accept your boyfriend; for they will want to be around your child.
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