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What has happened to my sex life with boyfriend?
First off, I love my boyfriend (I'm female), he loves me (I think) we've been together 3 years. I was his first, he was my first (we're both 20). We started having sex after 1 year together. Even though neither of us knew what we were really doing, it was great, trying new things, seeing what worked. I used to always like being on top.
Then something changed. I was using my hands to stimulate him and it wasn't working. Tried my mouth a different time, he stopped me. My confidence dropped, I thought I was doing something wrong, he said no I wasn't. I thought he was just shy so I took it as a challenge.
Over time, he doesn't like me doing anything to him anymore. I've asked him to show me how in case I was doing it wrong but he won't. He just makes me orgasm all the time. And sex, I can't help but breathe harder, get hot, moan a bit, you know and genuinely orgasm but his face never changes, he never makes a sound. I never know if he orgasms or not - he occasionally ejaculates but does that mean he orgasms? I stopped going on top cause it was like having sex with someone asleep but he insists he wants me on top.
I want to take control, be sexy. I fantasize about strutting into the room in a skimpy outfit, doing a little dance or something, pushing him back on the bed, straddling him, kissing him all over his body, feeling him with my hands (not even my mouth if he doesn't want me to) and actually see physical signs that he's enjoying it. Am I doing something wrong? I'm so upset, I feel totally useless.
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It is not you that I am confident of from what you have written. If a man ejaculates he has orgasmed. Now it is possible for a man to orgasm and not ejaculate. It is something like a mini orgasm you might have.
As to why the change in him I can't say. There are many different things I can think of that might be in play here. Since you were both virgins when you met it is possible that the so called seven year itch has come early. In other worlds he might be wondering what it is like to have sex with someone else. That would be normal and it would not mean his love for you has changed.
He may have sexual fantasies that he may feel you would not approve of. To this You need to talk to him and explain to him you are open to hearing about any fantasy he may have. That anything that takes place in the privacy of the bedroom between the two of you is not weird as long as he does not force you to do something you do not want to do. This is where good communication comes in between you two. Tell him about your fantasy and see how he reacts.
The problem could also be physical and in need of a doctor's intervention. If he is unable to ejaculate each time you make love this could be a problem for him. This could be a physical problem, a problem related to stress or caused by depression. Whatever the reason it is something a doctor can help with. He should not be embarrassed to speak with his doctor about this. Doctors have heard this before and more than what he may be suffering from. Offer to go with him to see his doctor.
If he has trouble getting erect, this something that is very embarrassing for a young man. Erectile dysfunction knows no age boundaries and if almost always correctable. High blood pressure is a general cause or rather the medication for high blood pressure is the biggest cause for erectile dysfunction in otherwise healthy males. If he is on blood pressure medication and this is the problem it is simply a matter of talking to his doctor. Here again he should not be embarrassed as sex is a very large part of our lives.
I hope I have offered some help.
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Your first problem is that you are not sure if he loves you in return. The other is that since both of you are each others 'first', you don't have any experience with someone different to make comparison. Is this as good as it gets or might there be someone a better fit as a mate for you? You have no experience to draw on.
Since you are his first sexual experience, he was only in the beginning stage of learning about himself, what he likes or doesn't, maybe something about his sexual orientation. Some people may discover over time they like and desire the romantic connection but have sexual desire only in the very beginning or not at all, no sexual libido. This is called Asexuality and I have a link for you to read concerning that. You need to understand what that is, have a talk with him about your concerns, show the definition to him and ask him if he thinks this describes him.
If this is who he is, there's nothing wrong with him, he doesn't need to be fixed because it is a normal sexual orientation but he will never have the sexual responses or you the satisfaction of being able to sexually please him. He cares about you that he is willing to do what he can to make sure you have your orgasms which is great but does that meet all your needs, like to need to experience a man's sexual response to you. If you stay with someone like that, you are settling for less and must be able to emotionally handle it being that way for life, never changing. If you have doubts, then it may not be a good idea to go down that road of having a long term relationship with him. A great relationship or marriage is built on a foundation of two things dear, one being a solid friendship which it seems you must have and the other being compatible sexually, having desire for each other and both able to please and satisfy the other. If one or the other is missing, the relationship will eventually have trouble of one, the other or both ending up tired of the situation as is and wanting more. This means splitting up or someone cheating to get what they crave emotionally, or sexually, elsewhere. Here's a link with description on Asexuality.
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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