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why Mom keeps comparing me with others and insult me?
I grew up in a middle class slightly conservative family.my mom raised me with all her care and sacrifices as she had so many unfulfilled dreams as she was forcibly married to my dad at the peak of her career and my dad and his family didn't allow her to go after her wish and tortured her mentally.so my mom wanted me to fulfill all her dreams and never believed on my ability.my dad on other hand kept comparing with my cousin sisters since I was born.he used to say I am not polite submissive and I have no female component in my nature.my
mom always kept comparing me with others and neglected me as who I was really."A is good in studies, B keeps practicing dance n all" she used to tell me all this even in front of others.now I proved myself by pursuing masters from the no.1university in country.mom n dad take pride in it.but when it comes to insulting me they shout n compare me with the neighbor girls who are far more inferior than me, one who eloped and married to her neighbor n the other stuying hons from a worst college.this is the way my parents insult me when I always have been thinking how to give them happiness and peace and never made them to suffer for me.why?as my mom's marriage was an arranged1 and she was the 1amongst her cousins who didn't go for love marriage so she wants me to hide my relationship from everyone as they can discuss that her daughter is dating a guy openly in her town whereas no1 can spot out any fault in my mom from her own town.
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I'm sorry you have been hurt like this. Unfortunately as parents we parent, many of us parent, as we have been parented for it is all we know. I know how you feel always being compared to others never being good enough even when what you are doing is better for yourself or your community. My father was very much like your parents. He never had a kind word for me always telling me I could do it better or someone else could do it better. when he started in on my son in the same manner that was the straw that broke the Camels back. I stopped trying to please him and stood up to him.
You are the only one you have to please. I developed a motto that worked very well for me. I goes like this; "The only person I have to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today." What this has always meant to me especially as a District Sales Manager is not how many sales were made today. I never worried about sales, what were not made today were made tomorrow. What this meant was I needed to learn something new each day that would help me grow. That would either help me in my business or personally. Even now as I am retired I look each day to learn something new." "New besides providing growth is fascinating.
As I found out, you will never please your parents, it is just not possible for their expectations are jut not there. They will always find a fault with something or anything you do or take pride in so do not do for them do for yourself. You also have to be careful with your children around them when you have them for they will be no different with your children then they have been with you.
I'm going to ask you to do one other thing for yourself. I found out much later in life that because of my childhood, my sister as well, that we suffered from depression for most of are lives. we didn't know this because this was our lives our normal. Please see you family doctor and get screened for clinical depression. The screening is painless and amounts to your doctor asking you a number of questions. The doctor will also want to do a complete physical, allow it, as to rule out any organic cause for depression.
If you are found to be suffering with depression get proper treatment and talk therapy. You will feel much better and see what life is supposed to be and feel like. You can always private message me if you want to talk about anything.
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