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Insecure about him cheating--What should I do?
21/f, 27/m
Here is some of my relationship history: I have been cheated on multiple times in my past. I've been looking for patterns in the guys I have been dating and they were all different. I saw no patterns. I've been lied to and hurt a lot by different guys.
My current relationship. We're just dating right now. We're only seeing each other (it's like we're exclusive but we just don't have the label). I think he may be waiting for me to tell him that I'm ready for an exclusive relationship. He told me that he's on board if I am. I'm not sure if he's saying that just to be in a relationship or if he actually sees a potential relationship with me. As you can see, I'm kind of doubting him.
We've gone through a few problems and worked them out. For example, he was on a dating app and I asked him to get off of it because I felt like it was disrespectful towards me. He agreed and now he stopped using it.
I felt like we haven't been communicating as often as I'd like (just simply knowing how his day was, etc.) And I think we're currently working on that.
I haven't been able to tell him things about my life because I felt like he came off as judgmental, so he tried his best not to.
I didn't like how he kept bringing up random facts about his ex-girlfriend. Now, he asks before bringing her up if something reminds him of something that happened.
He hasn't lied to me about anything and we have been working through our past problems but yet, for some reason... I have this feeling that there is something wrong. I can't trust him. I don't trust him and I don't know what to do. I've asked myself these following questions:
1) Do I trust him? No.
2) Has he done anything that made him not trust me? He was using that dating app while we were together (but not anymore) and he kept talking about his ex-girlfriend (not as much anymore), he's a private person who doesn't like to talk about himself a lot (?), he's admitted to not telling me everything because he's a private person but gets me curious if he's actually hiding something.
3) Has he ever lied to me? No. I don't think he would, either. If I confront him about something, he'll tell me the truth from what I've experienced. I just don't want to constantly confront him about things for him to tell me the truth.
4) What makes me feel this way? I'm not sure. Maybe it's because I don't trust him for whatever reason?
He knows how I feel about cheating and how much I dislike those who cheat. He has been cheated on before and he knows that it sucks. But I noticed that whenever I bring up the subject, he doesn't say much about it, cuts off the conversation and tells me he's tired and goes to sleep (considering our conversation is sometimes at night). I'm not sure if that's something I should look into, maybe he is seeing someone else on the side, even though he has told me he isn't... I'm not sure if I'm paranoid and insecure because of my past relationships and I'm bringing that into my current one, or if this is my gut instinct telling me to get out now.
What should I do? How do I get rid of this feeling of paranoia? I've felt this way in other relationships, too, even when I had no reason to.
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Hi honey!
Its sounds to me as if your gut is telling you to run away.See sometimes our minds and body take some type of reaction when our gut is telling us,to get out of the relationship.
In fact,you are not paranoid,you are just cautious.And thats not a bad thing.
But if you are always in that mode of thinking this and that thats bad about and over him,your gut is telling you,this guy is not it
You want to feel happy,secure and respected,not be suspectful or doubt anything.
That is a relationship is not normal.
And you need to do and feel what is right to you.If you feel something is out of line,sit down and think about where that thought came from.
He doesnt like confrontation which is not a good sign,because down the road if you stay with this guy,it will cause problems and arguments because he is not upfront and honest.
Sit down,and have a re-talk with your sweetie.
Tell him,that at times you have doubts and worries
You both need to communicate and make sure you are the same level in understanding that you are on the same page!
Be blessed!
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