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Hey!I am 22 years old! My situation is kinda tricky!
I have been talking to my best friend's good friend since 7 months! We both started talking as friends and a few days back, he hinted that he likes me and I like him too! He said this to my best friend and she reacted in a way that was totally weird! She said she would want us to date but she will maintain her distance from us! She said she lost two of her only friends! And she has been avoiding me since! I have always put my friend before him and told her that I will not date him unless she approves! She had issues previously as most of her friends have been interested in me and I never bothered! With ths guy is been different! He is confused and feels really bad! Am I a bad friend? I am letting go of my needs to make her Happy! Does this make me vulnerable and stupid? Is this a sign of weakness??: O please advice! Soon!: (
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So none of these guys were people who met you first and became friends? And later befriended her?
Since I am an outsider, have no idea about both your looks and personalities as girls, I wonder why you are not initially attracting guys, and why she does but is not able to interest them in being more than friends.
Guys who understand that friendship is important to cultivate first and then go with the flow of attraction and start to date and become the romantic couple.
I am sure she has gotten tired of seeing this pattern repeat over and over. Wouldn't you if every guy who was intially interested in getting to know you, once they got to know both of you better, were no longer interested in pursueing you further, only showing interest beyond friendship in your girlfriend? The questions in your mind would be "Why is she stealing all my guy friends attention? What is she doing to get that? or "What's wrong with me, that they don't become interested in being a dating couple with me.
I am betting none of them have told her that they 'like' her beyond friendship level.
I am also betting that your friend is pretty good looking to the guys...cus guys will be attracted initially to a female whose looks are very desireable to them.
this is how relationships go. First there's attraction. The attraction gets you to hang out with someone as a friend for a bit to get to know them better to see if you'd want to date them. Do they have qualities that you like in personality, or not? Its at this stage that people should be deciding to stay and start dating if the person is attractive on the inside as well or break up if not.
She's probably feeling like the bait on the hook cast out there to lure the guys, and reel them in for you. It's not the guys fault or yours and there is no reason for you to feel guilty. Without meeting her, I am pretty sure there is something about her that doesn't hold a guys interest same as you can. Each of us have unique personalities that because of their uniqueness are not going to appeal to everyone, even you. Once a guy spends enough time with you, he will see things, not bad habits or such necessarily but things that show him you are very different than him and over time those differences could cause a break up. So he may enjoy your friend better.
I am thinking it may be that you are more bubbly, lively, talkative, outgoing and she may not be. Otherwise, why would every guy who whose initially attracted to her, discover they don't like her, but like you instead? I can understand one or two, even 3, but all? There is something about her, once they get past whatever attracted them to her to begin with, her looks, her smile . .. and they find they don't have any interest in dating her which likely is the goal here. She isn't attracted guys who are currently dating another girl, as her new friends, right? Not a single taken guy?
The sticky part is how does she discover that there is something about her the eventually makes the guys lose interest.
If you weren't always hanging with her and these guys, would they still eventually lose interest in her without you there to distract them? Probably not as fast, but eventually they will lose their interest. Can you see all these guys there as friends when their real goal isn't just to make a lot of long going friendships with a bunch of girls, and never date? They want to find one girl to date. Once they find their goal, a girl to date, the girls they were friends with are not going to get much attention, their interest in the "friend girls" drops because they got what they wanted. Well, at least this is one possibility I am imagining. It sure would explain why she feels she is losing you and Him! How many of those guys who were her friends continued to hang around her once they met you and you turned them away as dating partners? There was no reason for them to hang around any longer unless they truly liked her as a friend for who she was inside and had no attraction to her looks. A guy who has the sexual attraction to a female as a friend, will become friends and hope that one day she will fall for him that way too. As soon as he knows that she is not attracted to him the same way, it's painful to stay as friends with someone who doesn't return your love. And the guys leave. Can't blame em, the guys are going about it the right way, working the friendship end of it first and trying to get to know the girl and see if feelings develop between them. Apparently feelings were not developing between any of them.
At your age range, guys that age are going to look first and look more closely at that which catches their attention. If she is shy, quiet, doesnt talk much, has anxietys with guys, etc... it all comes out eventually and a guy is turned off by that. What does attract is a female who is confident, knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it....or at least, she is willing to converse with him.
The only thing that would make you a bad friend is if she truly won a boyfriend on her own and you made it your job to steal him away from her just for fun, for spite, cus you didn't want her busy with a guy having no time for you or whatever reason. tHAT would be a bad friend. You are not that.
Your mistake is deciding to set aside your happiness with him because you put other people before him. Every guy you date could end up your potential husband one day. One does not put other peoples happiness before your husbands. No he's not a husband but that is a lesson for you to learn. You have given her some vows that you will now need to break break it was a bad idea to vow to another person to not date him without their approval. Either that, or you stop seeing him ever again.
But if it's her approval you are waiting for, you're not likely to ever get it for any guy you meet, as long as she is still single, not dating. Once she has a guy, she wouldn't care less if you found a guy. Its the syndrome of being left behind, last girl to get a guy thing. It's possibly that she doesnt really care as you may think she does as a friend. "She said she wants you to date. Those words are said because those words she assumes are expected to be said be one's girlfriend. But her maintaining distance, is plain old, having a fit because once again she doesn't have a guy. Do you know if she even wants a boyfriend? or is she happy with just friends?
Truly finding a non romantic relationship with a guy and becoming best friends with him is pretty rare but it is very possible. I highly doubt all these guys initially wanted to become her best friend. You can't make her learn the dating do's and don't of how to attract a guy. To make her look at what she does or doesnt do to catch a guys interest and keep it. If a guy was truly meant for her, no matter what, then no other girlj could sway his attention away from her, he'd have eye's only for her and wanting to be at her side as often as possible. So either she hasn't met such a guy yet, or has feelings for some of these guys but too afraid to share it with them so they assume she doesnt like them that way. Or she only wants them as a friend. You said she stated you both are her only two friends? She may have a hard time making friends and it could be true she doesnt have any close friends but making the statements she has sounds like someone throwing a fit, jealous, and probably selfishness in there too. If the tables were turned, would she truly be thinking of getting your approval on a guy she wants to date?
One way for her to learn if it is her that is the problem in finding and keeping friends, let alone landing a boyfriend, is for you to date this guy.
If you are taken, and always seen with a guy, there is no reason for any male friends of hers to come after you. this gives her to opportunity to spend enough time with her guys to catch their interest at a deeper level.
You can try this logic on her. Tell her you miss her and that you and boyfriend would like to see her sometimes. You both need to cultivate time tho on your own getting to know each other better. If she decides to not see you at all... thats not all bad, she will attract guys as she always has and discover that none of them hang around for long or they like her more than she likes them or vice versa. And it has nothing to do with you if you're not there. Its something she needs to learn and probably can't do with you around. If you met a really great guy, don't throw him away for misguided virtues as far as the girlfriend goes.
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