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Thinking about leaving him
Hey there..
My boyfriend and I will mark 2 years in the next two weeks. However, something doesn't feel right and I get the feeling that we are hanging by the thread.
He seems distant of late. He has been going through some rough patch, which I understand.He has opened up to me and I know he has been honest.
My problem is, we have discussed his way of handling things and the fact that it doesn't sit well with me. Normally,he just goes silent.He even switches his phone off with no warning. What's left is me trying to get through to him and all he does is ignore until whenever it suits him. We had a talk the last time he did this, and I expressed why it hurts me to not be able to help him and instead get shut down like the rest of the people.
It hasn't taken long for him to do the same.
I have tried to call him now for almost two days. He has ignored my facebook and whatsapp messages. I had his brother inform him that I was trying to get through to him, but he still did not see the need to respond to that.
Mean while, the reason for calling was because I was also going through some trouble and he was aware of it. He had opened himself up to me and made himself available if I need to talk. That upsets me, because not only do I not have a friend in my current state, but I also cannot be a friend to him.
How do you leave someone who isn't available? Should i just write an email? Maybe he'll respond to that and see the magnitude of his actions.
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You should just keep your distance. Maybe he just doesn't want to bother you or be bother right now while he's in thus rough patch. But don't break-up it'll bring him deeper into the patch and you don't want that. Just give him time and it'll work out
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If thats your only option, write an email. If your mind is made up to leave him now, then leave. If you want to better understand why this is happening and what the goal should be, read some of my thoughts here:
I don't know your ages of if either of you have dated much before. Perhaps due to his age, he's still fairly immature.
I will say that some girls feel that the amount of time they try contacting a boyfriend is normal when to others watching or the guy himself, it's pretty excessive.
However, if a guy is really into a girl and is the talkative, communicative type he will be eager to chat and keep in contact.
I understand that having something stressful going on can upset a person so they aren't quite themselves. It is during times like this that they need to communicate if they need some time to themselves to get over it, while other people instead of wanting to be alone, want to have others around to help boost their spirits and lean on for a bit.
If the two of you can't find even ground, it wont get better over time without anything changing.
Then again, perhaps changing would mean trying to be someone you are not, just to please the other. It's always possible that these are not the only differences between you two and that you aren't the best match for each other. You will know at what point you have fully tried every to work the relationship out, as long as he is putting in equal effort, it wont work if its one sides with you doing all the effort to make things work.
Long married couples are not immune from stress or going through something like let say: losing a family member to death. It is in a perfectly functioning marriage that when one is down or suffering, the mate happens to be strong and steady and can help the other. It's not one supporting the other forever, but a give and take, each finding times they are helping the other or helped by the other. You need to have that type of thing working in your dating relationship now because in long time relationships of dating or marriage, it isn't going to all of a sudden start happening. What you see is what you get. Most people do not change much of their character and personality. By age 30 we have pretty much defined who we are as an individual. Any time leading up to that point, we are still naive, immature, inexperienced, and not quite sure of who we really are and still trying to 'find' and discover ourselves.
If he is naturally a quiet guy, and you are more outgoing and talkative, it can be a challenge but do-able. Myself, being very open and communicative, I couldnt be with a guy who is the silent uncommunicative type. I met a guy once who was just like that. By the end of the coffee date, I told him it wasn't going to work.
If he has been open and communicative before and it all of a sudden changed, then it's not who he is normally as a personality, but something that is causing him to change, or he is choosing to become that way for a reason. If you are a top priority for him then he should be willing to at the very least communicate with you. Dating is learning who is best for you, improving with your next partner until you find the one you want to be with life long. Its like practice and lead up to marriage. So if he can not or will not allow you to be his best friend, and trust you enough to reveal his most intimate secrets and feelings, and is fearing being judged or thought less of or loved less, then he is not good relationship material. Everyone has to be willing to trust and be best friends with each other to make a relationship work. You may want to write a long letter using some of what I shared to put in your own words as to why it is important that you hear from him and you both have some indepth talk and get to the bottom of what is REALLY going on. If he doesnt respond, then certainly leave. He doesnt have to see your message or respond for it to end. All it takes is you leaving and its done. Cus he cant have a relationship with an absent partner anymore than you can with him making himself scarce.
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