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I'm friends with my exes and he is too
21/f, 27/m
I have been friends with almost all of my exes. Some of them are close friends (the ones that were not serious and dated when I was in middle school/high school). I don't see them as often and I don't talk to them as often, whether or not if they are my close friends.
He is friends with this girl who was his first serious relationship... And for some reason, it bothers me.
I want to be okay with it because it's not fair that I'm friends with all of my exes but I have a problem with him being friends with... I don't know how many but her in particular. How can I be okay with it? How can I stop being paranoid?
I remember he told me he was planning on giving her stuff back. We've been seeing each other for a couple of months but not exclusively. He's told me he doesn't like her anymore but I can't help but worry he may want to start things up again with her since they only broke up in the beginning of the year.
How can I be okay with it? How can I stop being paranoid? How can I stop thinking too much into it?
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Have you told him how you feel? It's tough especially if it's his first love? Are they talking constantly? Because if that's the case then he needs to get his priorities straight. I don't think it's okay to talk to your ex when you're in a relationship. They are an ex for a reason. I don't talk to any of my exes. Yes I've tried in the past to make a friendship work between us but it never did because they was always hurt feelings or an argument. If you're going out with someone it's best to get rid of the extra baggage (ie your exes). I would really talk to him and tell him how you feel that is really the only way to fix things. Chances are if you feel like something is wrong than it normally is. Listen to your gut.
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You lack information to feel secure. So far there is no obvious reason for you to feel this way. But most of our emotions being blown out of proportion is due at least in my life experience to having a lack of knowledge or information. So I learned to ask lots of questions since of course I am not a mind reader. that would make things easier I think.
He told you he doesnt like her anymore. While its not nice to pry, it could be helpful to you to know what it is about her that caused him to not like her anymore. And its not nice to share things about others that are not positive in nature.
But what you can do is ask him what he feels is the ideal girl to date. What is he looking for in a female or does he have a clue yet? Tell him he can think about it and give you answers as it comes to him. When put on the spot, my mind often goes blank tho i may have much to say.
You can also ask him what it is about you that he likes. A guy has to be extremely lonely or desperate to go back to a girl he doesnt like. At the basest of needs, a guy may go to an undesirable girl personality wise if he just wants sex until he finds a gal he loves personality and sex with.
If you know nothing of the reasons behind their breakup that also can cause unsureness in you.
Was it something petty that they disagreed on, the kind of stuff that married couples hash out and continue on. If it was something frivilous and there are deep feelings, then they have a good chance of getting back together. But if it hasnt happened yet, then the draw isnt all that strong if there even is one.
If there were no longer any feelings on part of one of them or both, or they had too many differences, that is a very good reason to break up and you could rest assured he is not going back to her.
What you need to also come to grips with is realizing that you are perfect as you are, you dont have to be like another girl because every guy has different tastes in women just as we do in men. You are only going to appeal to certain men. the reason for dating is to discover if that person has the personality you are looking for and the romance is there for good, not just at the beginning like the excitement of something new, like the new toy at Christmas that loses its ability to fascinate you after some time has gone by. The excitement should level out when with the right person but the chemistry still be there so you still have deep feelings growing for each other. Right now you feel insecure and thats what is causing you to feel paranoid. Most of this is caused in our minds too, lack of info or misread actions, words and our minds make up the rest. And its funny but our minds waste more time on imagining the worst scenerio or scary awful things than we do pleasant positive things. You will need to take every negative thought and replace it with a positive one you choose to create. Hope this helps you out a bit.
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