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Dating My Friends Brother
Whenever I seen my friends brother he would playfully hit on me and hint that we should date. Eventually I started subtly flirting back and one day he decided to act on it by picking me up and taking me to his house. As soon as we got there he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck passionately... He was the sweetest guy ever. He held me in a tight embrace and we hit it off instantly as we talked all night on his couch. Ever since then we've been seeing eachother, secretly. We've been going out for meals, watching movies and hold hands whenever we have the chance. After the last time I could tell that he is smitten by me and I feel the same about him. He told me I've been the first lady he has wanted to spend time with in about 7 years. He was married before and hasn't been with anybody since, so I don't want to disappoint him if he wants to become serious - I want him to be happy. The only thing I'm kind of worried about is losing a friend if I date her brother. Part of me says that she should be happy for us because I've been in her shoes and let my brother date my best friend before and we still liked eachother. The other part of me says she's going to hate me and we're not going to be friends anymore. Honestly, I just wish her brother and I could see eachother without her drama. Drama follows her and sometimes we both need a break from her... Am I being too selfish? They're not blood related, What would you do?
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No matter that they are step brother and sister, they are still family. So if ultimately you were to marry this guy, unless the dating didnt span out, then you would go from not just being her friend but now also being a sister in law. I don't see that is anything other than a plus. YOu are still the same person, but now she can count you as family. If she liked you enough to be a friend, then I dont see what issues she could possibly have unless she has said something to you or perhaps your friendship was on rocky ground long before you had an interest in her brother.
I assume I am correct in believing this to be the man you've written about before who you mentioned had a 3 yr old and was in custody battle with the ex.
Even without marriage, just in dating, there will be family related occasions for get togethers and since you would be each others significant other, his family members and what ever issues they come with is going to affect your relationship, you can't escape it. It will either cause him to learn he must take a stand, support you and demand you recieve respect and better treatment if someone is treating you poorly whether your girl friend or another family member. Or he may choose to wimp out, say nothing and allow someone to run all over your feelings which can cause you to avoid any of his family, feeling resentful that he can see his family, but you must remain home, and resentful that he would even consider hanging with them over you. Over time, that can drive a wedge in your relationship with him and cause problems that can grow.
It is best that you talk to him now of your fears of what could possibly happen. Give him some time to think about how he would react and handle it if it were so. Don't lead him or give him the solution....wait to see what he says. If he thinks it isn't a big deal cus it isn't an issue right now and may never become one, you can agree with him that it is not an issue now but you are still in the building trust stage with him and want to get a feel of how he would handle it and if he would support you or not.
I believe that the perfect boyfriend, domestic partner, or lover and husband start out as being your best friend. You can have more than one best friend, females ones, and one special guy. As your best friend, that man should be backing you up, supporting and reassuring you, standing up for you, etc... just like any female friend would. The only extra is that he becomes your lover as well. I can tell from what you've written that you have the lovers part down...but I know nothing of how strong a friendship there is. If you can talk as easily as you hint at, then there should be no problem telling him of your worries. His response should not be to put you down but to reassure you, not tell you that you worry too much cus it is a very important thing to not want to lose your friendship with her. The man you want to hopefully end up with the rest of your life should be someone you can confide all your thoughts in, your imaginings, good or bad, and therefore any worries or concerns, with him open to and actually wanting to know what weighs on your mind so heavily because he loves you so much he wants to be able to help share the burdon and comfort and reassure that you two will talk again and come up with a plan of action IF any problems arise with his step sister. Thats the kind of husband I have and I could never settle for less again. I hope that he is this for you. Don't over think it for now. You have a normal concern. What I think you need more right now is some good deep conversation with him about your concerns and see what his response to it is. Is it the kind of man such as I have or is he other, and lacking in understanding and support and you don't feel any trust in him. Without trust, you are standing on shaky ground for a relationship. It just may be that building trust with him right now may be the bigger issue than the possibility of how your friend will react.
I hope you don't find me too forward to attempt reading into this. I may be totally wrong, please forgive me if i AM. But if there is any truth to what I say, then it is important to look at this area of the relationship. Dont worry if trust isnt where it should be yet. It takes lots of time to build it but there should be several examples already of things he has done right to make 'deposits' into the bank account of trust.
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