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Please help need advice about my friend?
Ok so i have this guy friend that i have been knowing since kindergarten. Almost every single time i talk to him he always has to ask about my love life. Like "Do you finally have a boyfriend?" or "who do you like?" or even about possible past relationships. The truth is that im not exactly one of those girls who throws herself at guys. I dont have a crush on anyone and i dont really attract attention to myself. But somehow i get attention that i didnt even ask for and from people i dont even look at romantically. I havent been in a relationship before(im 15). I think it has to do with self confidence issues. I dont think of myself as attractive despite the compliments i am given its kind of hard to accept them. My friend has a girlfriend that happens to be my bestfriend. I support their relationship and happy for them. He just feels like he has to kind of rub it in my face that he's in a relationship and that im not and goes out of his way to tell me details of their relationship and his feelings for her when i dont even ask. He starts to compare me to my bestfriend. My bestfriend is for the most part a "bad girl" who swears alot, has been in other relationships, kinda perverted, and slightly tempermental. Then there is me who is basically known as "goody two shoes" around the school who is on honor roll, and kind of tries to stay out of trouble. He says im "too good" and "too nice to people" or "too bubble" He even goes to the extent of saying im "lonely" (when i assure him im not) and i even broke it down to small details of what kind of guy i would end up dating and he would be like. There has been people that has came to me telling me that my friend likes me but i dont believe it because 1. If you like someone you wouldnt want them to be in a relationship with someone else 2. He has a girlfriend that he seems to be really into. What frustrates me the most is that this is my guy friend's first gf and whenever they get into it and break up for a short time he starts clinging to me trying to talk to me more but also at the same time he will be a total jerk to me just having this attitude and being rude to me in particular but also being somewhat possessive. Its VERY confusing. But when they get back together he treats me like IM the one that is clingy to him and starts saying "i need a boyfriend" and makes it seems like im bothering him and he gets very arrogant. Mind you i don't talk to him unless he comes up to me and starts a conversation or calls/texts me. Im just kind of questioning our friendship a bit and totally confused about everything.
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Wow, he sounds like an insecure guy thinking he's doing a good job of hiding that fact. People at your age have all sorts of hang ups...I did....its a time we are not totally happy with our selves, trying to find out who we really are, confused all the time or just copying others, we want to be wanted and accepted by others but the people we want to be accepted by have lives full of their own set of troubles of teenhood and pretend to have a clue, mostly acting the part but are no better off than the rest. That about sums up what I remember and I know its not any different today.
When you get older, and look back, you will realize that a real 'friend' does not treat their friends the way this person is treating you. So he doesn't deserve the title "friend'. He is an acquaintance growing up. We all have some of those and these acquaintances never become friends because the acquaintance doesnt have things in common and we are not looking out for the best for each other as true friends do. While in school, or while living with such a person for a neighbor, its hard to escape running into them. The best thing is to stop talking to them or spending time with them to cut them out of your life as much as possible. Once you're an adult and can choose where you go to college, where you live or work, you won't have to see this guy anymore popping up into your life.
In the mean while, ignore him. If he asks why you are avoiding him, you tell him that just cus you've known him a long time does not mean he is a significant person to be a friend of yours and you have decided, you no longer want to spend time with anyone who doesn't meet a certain standard for how they treat you. You are only looking to divide your time among true, real, good friends cus you have had enough of fake friends, false friends, and those who treat you badly friends. PUt it in your own words cus that should get the message across if he asks.
I would also look at why you have this one girl for a friend when the two of you have nothing in common...and she is pretty much the opposite of you. Tho opposites can attract, at 15, our will power to overcome and not be influenced by someone whose lifestyle is not the path we want to walk, can be very weak and after some time unable to resist. I'd be concerned of that happening to you at some point in time if you continue to hang with her.
All in all, I recommend finding a whole new set of friends, other 'goody two shoes'...I was called the same in school, look for the other high grade point students for friends in school. They may not end up friends for life, but it's good enough for during school. Look for the nerdy types more into science and technology. These students are more likely to not be worried about impressing others with their personal self, but focus more on their personal skills and accomplishments. There are always others like you, its just hard to spot them if you're not really looking cus we tend to fade into the background a bit, not easily visible.
You did describe me quite a bit with not throwing self at guys, not a low self condifence but not thinking there was anything special enough to attract male attention so wondering why I still got it. The attention I got was always to do with how I looked rather than who I was and my personality. I got my bum swatted by a guy in the crowd exiting school at the bell quite often. I guess I musta had the kind of behind that got guys attention, or maybe it was my walk. I was not trying to attract attention but I didn't know then and do now that boys that age are driven by their raging hormones. It is not unusual for them to have a need to masturbate several times a day because they become erect so easy, at the drop of a hat, they don't even need a girl around, just a thought of a female and they're hard and it wont go away. So they are prone to think of sex and lust rather than love, and dating.
If a teen actually does feel love and attraction for someone, they will do everything but come straight out with it, do even the opposite and treat the objection of their affection poorly, try to make them jealous by dating and talking about another, the kind of things you're having to endure from this guy. Only you would have a sense if he's just being a jerk or if theres a possibility he does have a crush on you.
You could always try to ask him point blank and if he says he doesn't, just tell him you dont believe he doesnt have feelings for you cus of the way he is treating you. Then challenge him to prove he has no feelings for you by stopping contact with you, stopping what it is you dont like....spell it out. That should get either a true confession from him or his withdrawal from your life, leaving you alone for good. Good luck.
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