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how will this efect my friendship
ok so last school year one of my friends told me that she heard this girl and my friends ex(bf at the time) say that he was thinking of making out with someone and he said i like her last name and that was my last name and then the girl said well she has a boyfriend and he will kick your ass and plus her and your gf are friends and he said ya i know and im scared that since he didnt do it last year he will do it this year and school starts in like a week also i kinda want him to do it so i can get revenge on my friend cuz she stole my ex bf twice (same guy too) so what should i do
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
If your heart is bent on revenge, I can not help you. If you want to look at other options of ways to view this situation, and how to respond, that you may not have thought of, then I'd be glad to try. Please read on:
One thing to realize is that pretty much all women will act territorial towards a situation that involves a guy they like or are dating, regardless if that guy really likes them back or not.
So you will feel it and so will your girlfriends.
The problem is we tend to sometimes put a claim of 'ownership' on a person (he belongs to me) and therefore get angry when it seems someone 'stole' that person away. We really can't own rights to another person and yet throughout society we see people reinforcing this belief. We have all sorts of rules and vows to protect our hearts because when 'ownership' is involved on people instead of objects, in this situation jealousy becomes involved.
If a guy were truly interested in you and develops feelings for you, (other than lust of raging hormones and wanting to make out, have sex) then that guys interest in you would remain as long as the two of you have things in common, have similar tastes, beliefs, hopes and dreams, etc and both treat each other like a best friend with added benefits of romance, then that guy can not be stolen away to begin dating another girl.
This principle works from the teen years on, through out our lives, at any age.
Since you can't own him, that means he has a right to change his mind and do something different. This is the only unfortunate thing in dating. One had interest and the other did not. After a divorce in later years, I can say this stuff still happens. The girls who tend to get upset with guy or the girls who they began to date instead, develop a reputation for being clingy, demanding, controlling, drama queens with no self confidence and THAT will turn a guy off about you SO fast it would make your head spin. It will turn off potential new boyfriends.
Guys want a woman who understands that she does not own him... but is secure in who she is, knows what she wants and doesnt want in a guy and therefore would not be hanging out trying to date a guy who doesnt know how to keep a commitment, doesnt know how to be a man of his word, isn't afraid of showing his feelings and affection, is good at communicating, etc... all the good stuff. If a girl choose a guy who is all the good stuff, AND they have alot in common and she knows from how he treats her and what he tells her that he loves her personality, her smile, laugh, humor, her hair, eyes, everything...then she would not have to live in worry for the day that some other girl will steal him away.
In teen years, we date for fun and social reasons, but the best way to look at dating is as it being a way for girls and guys to form an opinion of what they like and what they won't tolerate in a guy. Many males are too immature to handle dating from that point of view yet because they are led more by their sexual urges. If all you want as a girl is to take care of those urges in you too, then thats all your' getting, a sex partner, not a boyfriend. Also in dating, a relationship does not last forever because it is a learning process and you can't make comparisons to see what you like for a future long term partner or marriage partner. Yes, it starts now.
You mentioned being scared. You don't have to be scared if you can know for sure why you are dating and what you are looking for and what to do if the guy isn't right for you. So I will now explain the fundamentals of the dating process....listen close cus this part will help you for the rest of your life, starting now.
Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.
If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.
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