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Did I chase him away?
* This isn't my first time asking about the same exact relationship* but here it goes:
I'm female, 30. I have been dating a guy (31) for a month now, we've hung out four consecutive weeks. I've spent the night last week, and again this weekend...we get along very well and enjoy each other's company.
I spent the night, and he asked what my plans are for the day--I didn't have any so I let him know that I'd maybe catch up with some reading. He said he's got errands to run and has plans w/ friends. First mistake: I think I sounded like it don't have a life by having no plans on a Saturday. Anyway, last night I told him I'm going to a weekly meditation group in his neighborhood tomorrow- he knows about it and asked before so I thought I'd invite him to join. I told him again before I said bye to leave his place--I also said the time and that I will text him details. He said he might be busy with work stuff but can maybe come.
So now I am thinking that since I spent last night and part of the morning with him, my inviting him to join tomorrow was overkill and maybe came across as being overeager. My questions are (would love to hear from the guys on this):
A) Did I seen overeager, etc.?
B) if so, what can I do now to slow things down and keep him interested?
C) or...is this basically a signal that he is "busy" or aka, overwhelmed and wants to back out and not see me again?
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Question B is where your problem lies!How do I slow things down NOW? Well NOW, the horse is already out of the proverbial barn so to speak and you are in that awkward position of having been intimate with someone you don't really know. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation in the future, reverse this process. Get to know him FIRST and then sleep over! I am not saying this from a prudish point of view just a practical one! There are few things worse than having to try to pick up on "signals" because you don't know the person well enough to just ask! My advice: back off and see if he pursues you. If he does then tell him you got off to a little bit too fast of a start and you would like to slow down and get to know him better. If he doesn't pursue you then chalk this one up to experience and refer back to paragraph one!Best of luck to you!
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This really isn't a healthy way to handle relationships. You need to calm down. Maybe talk to a therapist about your anxiety, 'cause this over-thinking is going to poison your relationship with any man eventually. You need to sort your shit out.
All the advice you've received before STILL applies.
Nothing has changed.
Believe what he says. You can't build a healthy relationship if you don't tell the truth (which you did) and accept what he says as the truth.
For fucks sake do NOT play games or 'hard to get'. You are not a teenager, you are a grown-ass woman who can ask for what she wants when she wants it, and can expect grown-ass men to do the same. You decided you'd enjoy his company at a class he'd expressed an interest in - so you invited him - like any sane person would. Assume he is also a sane person, who may genuinely be busy with work.
Stop assuming he's a fragile crazy person and that any little thing you might do will chase him away. If he doesn't want to be with you, then he doesn't want to be with you! It'll suck, and hurt, but it happens and it's important to be honest about it when it does. So just tell him the truth, and believe what he tells you, without agonizing over it for days.
A guy who leaves because you where honest about enjoying his company isn't 'chased' - he was just not a good fit for you - but your anxiety will chase away nearly any guy, eventually. So find a way to address that problem in yourself, before it becomes a problem in your relationship.
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