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Why ask to alone for a while... But doesn't want to stop talking?
I've been with my boyfriend for 3mths 1/2... We instantly fell in love with eachother when we first meet... He wanted to meet my family and He did... Then he surprise by taking me to meet his mom... He has talked about marriage and moving in... Starting on the 2nd month we agreed to wait on being intimate until we got married possibly... So we enjoyed eachother's company he would cook for me, take me on the sweetest dates... But during this he has been struggling because he wasn't making enough to live in his apartment, pay child support.... He lost his job and sold his car wasn't working that great... He would always tell me and remind me that he loves me... But he recently ask to be alone for a while... He texted me "You are a bright shining light I my life and I don't wanna lose you but I can't be anybody's anything right now.. I am just too focused on making myself the best that I can be. I love you so much and I'll do anything I can for you but I need to just be alone for awhile. I don't want to stop talking, I just need to shed some of the expectations that go along with being in a relationship. It's killing me inside knowing that I have such a great lady trying to be my everything and I just can't give you what you want and need and deserve. That said, just keep being yourself and everything will work out just like it's supposed to. " so how tough it's been for I'm giving him his space didn't text but he started texting me two days... Saying good morning and wondering what I was doing, letting me know he was going to be his daughters and the weather... I just don't what to make of it? I'm confused...I'm hurting... Just miss him... But I'm trying my best to give him his space...
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There are two ways to look at what he has said and what he means. Take the line where he says; "I just can't give you what you want and need and deserve."
Is he saying that because he can't take you on fancy dinner dates or buy you fancy or expensive gifts he doesn't deserve you; or is he saying you expect those things and he can't supply them and until he can he will not see you?
There are men out there who believe they must shower their ladies with gifts and expensive meals or other things to show their love and appreciation for them or who believe this is what their ladies expect from them. My wife told me long before we married that this was not true that a quiet night at home just the two of us was even more important than a fancy dinner out.
If you feel the same way and believe that I have just described how he feels than you need to tell him as my wife did me.
I'm not sure how to interpret this line, "I am just too focused on making myself the best that I can be.. I do believe in being the best you can be and I use that line myself but in a different context then he is using it.
There is nothing wrong with being the best you can be though using it as an excuse confuses me as for me it is a goal in life not a focal point. The way I'm looking at his use of this is confirmation that he can't afford to give you things or take you places because he is focusing on living maybe just day to day. I'm certainly reading into it there but it seems to fit.
The rest of what you write about what he has said seems to me to be window dressing around what I believe he is saying without actually saying it.
Now what to do about this? If I'm correct in how he feels about you; that he does have great feelings for you but feels, to be blunt, he can't afford to show you those feeling in a manner you want to see. HE has asked for some time to get his life in order, so he can meet his obligations and give you the things you want and deserve. Remember this is how we feel it is no reflection on you. This is how our mothers teach us to respect women and it is ingrained in us whether we are 18 or 81.
What you have to do is convince him that you don't want those things you want him. Be he a rich man or pauper it is him you want to be with and for the rest of the problems he may have. IF you want you tell him you will work them out together.
Of course there is another meaning to all this. One that is a lot shorter to explain. He too is confused and not sure of his love for you and doesn't want to be hurt again as he was when he separated from the mother of his child.
No matter which way you want to interpret his meaning you need to open a discussion with him and ask him which of the two is the problem. IF he is scared of being hurt again then talk to him about couple counseling if you see him as someone you want to make a life with.
If it is as I first said then you need to convince him you are not that type of girl; that it is him and not things you want.
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I know it hurts. I do...but sometimes, people are stupid. In MY opinion, if he doesn't know whether or not he wants you in his life, then that should be the end of it. I KNOW my fiancé NEEDS me in his life, just like I NEED him in mine. I don't question whether or not I wanna be with you, or if I need space.
Since, you, want to stick around, don't text him. Don't text him for three days. Read his texts, put the phone down. Ignore it! After the three days, he may shoot you another text. Respond in as little words as possible. But no more than 3- 4 times. And then end conversation. Wait a day to text him back. If he asks why you aren't responding, just tell him you're busy. No need to give him any answers, since he won't give you any. If you need anymore help after this, great. Shoot me a message. Hope that will help you.
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