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married in name only
I guess I should fill you in on what started the whole mess that is my life. OK I was married for 5 years then divorced we had a 4 yr old son at the time so I thought it would be best to leave him with his father at the time. I found out I was wrong about that. he would use it against me when he was upset about anything and also threaten to take him away from the grandparents if they didn't do as he wanted.He got himself into a psycho relationship that ended up in court, she wouldn't leave him alone, so he said if we got married again she would leave him alone. So with me being ME saw a way to get the custody arrangement tossed and doing nothing without a reason agreed,in name only. I asked him if he could live in a loveless marriage with no relationship between us only our sons parents I would do what and who I want and he do the same, he said yes.NOW it's been 4 years and he seems to have forgotten that conversation. I have met and started seeing someone for the past couple months but haven't told him. How do I go about telling him without hurting him? I know he loves me but I do not love him am not at all attracted to him, he never goes out has no friends except me and family. I do not plan on divorce and the other guy knows about my situation and is ok with it but wants more time together as do I. We don't want to feel as we are cheating. can you help me please
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Let me see if I understand you correctly. For different reason, none of which had to do with loving each other but a means to an end for each of you. The two of you remarried on the basis that it would be an open marriage. There was to be no affection shown between you, no sex, hugging or kissing. Just two people raising their child.
I have heard of people having open marriages but this one is off the charts. By what else you have written your husband, in name only, has fallen back in love with you, though you are not in love with him. You have found someone you want to have a relationship, affair with, under the rules of your call it marriage contract but you are afraid of hurting your husbands’ feelings.
You must have some feelings for your husband or you would not care if you hurt his feelings. That is just my opinion though. You most certainly are between a rock and a hard place.
You both went into this went marriage with your eyes open. You married him to save him from a psycho woman. Now you want to exercise your rights under your contract of marriage. You should have every right to do so and he should not be stopping you. The fact that he has changed his mind or feelings for you do not change the contract you made from bilateral to a unilateral contract. Now this all has to do with contract law and nothing to do with this situation. As this contract would most likely not stand up in court verbal or written.
I say this only for the fact that it makes a good argument when and if you tell him. If you have related everything in your agreement and there is nothing in the agreement to say that one must notify the other of an affair then you have no reason to say anything to him. Should you tell him? I believe the answer is yes for moral reasons alone.
The best way to tell him is straight out and you deal with the consequences as they come. You're in a different situation now and know what you need to do if he says if you do we are through. Living together for the sake of a child is never a good option. Whether you believe this or not the children of such marriages generally suffer because of it. Eventually your son will pick up on the fact that his parents’ marriage is different from his friend’s parents. How do you propose to handle that question?
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So let me get this straight....you got married...again? I think you need to not be cheating on your husband, BEFORE you tell him that you don't want to be with him. Granted...no he was a jerk to you, and I understand that, but marriage is a very serious matter. Marriage is a commitment. You shouldn't get married if you're not willing to work things out, and fight for your relationship until the day you day. Now what you did was your choice, and you had your reasons to do it. That's your choice and your life, but you shouldn't be dating someone when you're married. Do you guys have sex...have you had sex since the second marriage? Or kissed...or did anything? Please get back to me. Thank you. I'd love to further help you. :)
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