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Love or Obession?
23f I was in a relationship(1yr) in which both my ex and I changed. Jealousy came into our lives and pretty much destroyed the girl I was. I became chaotic, suicidal, angry all the time. He became cocky and felt superior to me. One day I decided to stop all contact, because I knew it wasn't healthy to be that way. I left and never looked back, it was the only way I could leave, I felt I couldnt do it if I told him, and he would try to stop me, I would give in, and we would be going at it again. Its been over 2yrs and in moments I remember, and it breaks my heart that I left with out a word. But I feel like I am still in love, and that I won't feel that special feeling we had once. Ive have bf before and didnt feel this way after we broke up. But I havent been in a relationship ever since. Im scared that I will be the same way. Become chaotic, jealous and suicidal. Am I obessed? Could I still be in love? Or does this always happen when you break up without closure? Is there anything I could do to help move away from this feeling?
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I think you are in love. Have you ever heard the expression "If you love someone, let them go"?. You did that. You loved him so much that you were willing to be alone so that you did not hurt him.
You don't need closure. What you need to do is take some time for yourself. Take bubble baths, learn to cook interesting desserts, etc. Take some time to center yourself.
In time, you may decide to contact your ex. But, don't do it for closure. Only do it if you are interesting in getting back together or if you would like to become friends. Contacting someone else for closure only confuses the other person. And it would confuse you too.
From Moi to you,
Miss Piggy
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When we are in a romantic love relationship, deep feelings can develop that cause an emotional attachment. When we become physical with someone it might mean that these emotional attachments just grow stronger. Although you or the other person could develop feelings that the other doesn't have. You did not say this was the issue so I will assume both of you have feelings of love.
To answer whether it may be Love or Obession, I will start with explaining a bit about emotions. Our subconscious mind is where all our emotions are stored.
Our subconscious is more like our inner child, and as a child prone to make childish decisions and actions based on the emotion at the time. Our conscious minds are more the adult and logic based. Our 2 minds need to work together for a person to be truly happy and at peace, compromising as needed.
Surprisingly, Jealousy, is not an emotion. Jealousy is nothing more than an warning light, like an indicator light on the dashboard of your car to draw your attention to something that needs to be taken care of for the car to run well.
For a relationship to 'run well', there are things that must be addressed too if jealousy crops up. What those things are, can vary.
In most cases, I have heard that the emotion behind jealousy is FEAR. a Fear of loss is the most common. I didn't know this stuff when I was your age. We kinda learn this over time as we get older. So, like myself at your age, females often find themselves experiencing jealousy when it comes to a guy they are with. We fear losing him to another girl. So the next step would be to figure out why we fear losing him to another girl.
If he just looks at another girl or talks to her and we feel jealousy, is it fear or anger. Anger that this other girl has something we don't to catch his attention? Then we are comparing ourselves. Or fearful at the same time that he might find and like something in another girl better, enough to make him leave us. This is a common feeling to occur in everyone.
The only difference is the health of our thought processes regarding the feeling. I can admit to having "stinking thinking" at times in my life. I still see it try to sneak into my mind and I am now grandma age. When the fear crops up, if you dwell on it and feed it, it will take over and control you and cause you to behave unreasonably out of these emotions of fear of loss that your subconscious is reacting to, which your conscious mind did not deal with the moment they showed up.
How to deal with it? You basically have to give yourself pep talks. If you are with a truly good guy and he isn't doing anything to cause you to have doubts in his love for you, then positive statements you make in your head or out loud to yourself will help. Example: He looked at that girl at bit longer than a casual glance. He must think she has something I don't have and wants someone like her instead. Your response to that thought: Thats silly, if he wanted that girl, he'd go after her. He is attracted to me for many reasons and I am the one he prefers to spend time with, he's the one cuddling with and kissing me.
You did mention his behavior being cocky and superior. So perhaps he wasn't behaving in a way that would build up your confidence in how special you are to him? A woman needs to hear that, be built up with positive affirmations and compliments from her guy.
Some people can handle working through whatever insecurities they have on their own, others may need some help from a counselor/psychologist. If I were you, I'd try on my own first.
The feelings you still may have for him are subconscious, where the emotions are, remember. And the subconscious doesnt always follow logic. So whatever decisions your conscious mind makes such as leaving without notice and not looking back, it doesnt mean your two minds are on the same page. Just because you still have these feelings doesn't necessarily mean you are still in love. I once got to see an old boyfriend after 3 years had gone by with him deciding on another woman over me. The feelings I still had for him while we were apart, were not the same once I had a chance to run into him and rekindle old times. I felt that spark was missing and I could see his shortcomings more clearly now and realized that the feelings I thought I had were based more on the good parts of past memories, rather than total reality. It can differ for others. Not trying to predict for you. Just saying that you really may never know why you feel something still. An obsession can be more like the stalking thing, in person, or on the computer via tumblr, twitter, facebook, snapchat, etc...., thinking about him all day long to the point it interferes with you being able to concentrate on daily tasks. Obsession doesn't care about the other persons feelings and choice, and just wants to force the situation so the other ends up pressured into being with you. If Feelings of depression is not in other areas, just regarding this relationship, then you do not have clinical depression and can take care of it yourself by doing things that raise the levels of feel good hormones and neuro transmitters in your brain. If interested, let me know and I'll share that list with you. Focus on yourself for a while. Become as whole and confident as possible before your next relationship. If the guy is a good well balanced man, then the relationship should turn out well.
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