|
Bad coping skills
I've been with my fiancé for 6 years. We are both 23 years old. It has been the most stable 6 years and the reason why is because he struggles with addiction. When he relapses on drugs, he often pushes me away and I tell myself I deserve better and leave for a while. I never really get over him though and when he comes back with some sober time, it's hard to not slowly get back into a relationship. I know this is a bad thing. And this past time it took me months to get back into it.
He'd been sober for over a year this past time and was really moving forward. We never fought and we were both on paths in our lives that lead to good careers. But then something happened (trying to not be super specific) and things didn't work out exactly as they should have. I do feel for him because I know things get rough. Now the difference is if this had happened to me, I would have sulked for a bit and then gotten back on my feet and tried again. I've tried so hard to be there for him emotionally and building him back up so that he can go onto a slightly different thing. Well he got distant and then last night told me that he had indeed relapsed the previous week. And he had kept his distance because he was ashamed to tell me.
I told him I was really hurt by it and wished he could talk to me about things when he was upset. I know now that he's been clean and this could have been a small hiccup. But it also could not be and he could use for his life! I really really love this guy and know that he truly loves me. It makes it harder because it's not that he doesn't care and is laughing about it or something. He just truly has poor coping skills and an addiction. He's already been to rehab and I believe that the thing that will help him most is getting back onto a path. I noticed that when he feels like a loser is when he does the drugs.
He really is such a great guy inside and out. And I'd love to be there for him but it's hard for me to separate not getting hurt and being supportive. I can be really sensitive. If possible i would like to stay with him. Does anyone else have a similar situation or any advice that will help build him up so he doesn't feel the need to have substances make him feel better? Thank you guys for reading this! I just feel so lonely and anxious not talking to him :(
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I know a surprising number of people who have been through this. In fact, my best friend - whom I consider a brother - struggles on-and-off with a cocaine addiction.
Rehab is very helpful, but it doesn't always do the job by itself. Usually the best option is to complete rehab, and have therapy or counseling lined up for when the rehabilitation is finished. Having a professional to talk to, who won't judge him and won't be biased in any way, can really help an addict.
My friend tried quitting all the drugs he had been doing by himself, and it didn't even remotely start to work. But then he started therapy, and he's been off everything(other than medical marijuana) for almost a year. He now had a job and is moving into an apartment soon.
So try talking to him about therapy. Tell him it's nothing to be embarrassed about, and that sometimes we all need someone to talk to. It helps so much - it really does. Tell him you care about him, and you just want what's best for him because you care that he gets better.
I genuinely hope you take this advice and that he benefits from therapy. Addiction and depression are hard things to deal with, and no one can truly do it alone.
Best of luck,
~Panda
]
More Questions: |