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I'm really worried that he won't like me when he sees me
I'm a 14 year old girl and I'm meeting this boy tomorrow, I know he likes me and I kinda like him too!
But my problem is that we have never met before or seen eachother in person. We have FaceTimed before and we've spoken on snapchat, we can usually keep the convocation going for a while. I know that I am very shy around boys, especially if I like them or if they like me. I'm not confident with the way I look even though he calls me 'beautiful' ect...
I'm really worried that he won't like me when he sees me, I've FaceTimed him but it was kind of awkward because we hadn't spoke before other than online... I know for sure that tomorrow i will be so nervous to the point I'll start feeling sick, it always happens! I broke up with my ex because I was too shy and I don't want this to ruin it. I want to be confident around him and I'm also worried that we will run out of things to talk about, he said to me that if I admit i like him back (I haven't said yet) he will kiss me and hug me, I'm not too sure about that! I want to but I'm soooo nervous!
I would go to my friends or family for help but I just don't know how to explain this..
Thank you! X
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So you kinda know him but arent totally comfortable with him cus you havent known each other in person? Well that's normal for friendship over the net where there isnt a face to face relationship so its good that you plan to meet in person. You don't have to feel totally comfortable and have full trust with him cus that is something that can only be developed in an in-person relationship and will take time. So if you aren't ready to kiss and hug at first meet, say so.
The other issue is your not being confident with the way you look. I think I am average looking. However before meeting second husband, I got lots of compliments from men who found me attractive as my husband does. I have lived long enough to know when it is a genuine compliment. You and I are bombarded by advertisers and Hollywoods portrayal of what beauty is. While I understand that fashion and beauty industry standards can not be actually met by any live female because its all a combo of photography tricks, makeup illusions and the rest, all photo shop. All the gorgeous female actresses you wish you looked like...look at what they look like in real life, without the makeup and trick lighting and computer alterations. I have seen several photos of actresses who I felt were beautiful and when I saw what they really looked like, it was nothing like what we see on TV or in photos. Its shocking. Real women and real beauty dont look anything like what we have been taught from infanthood to believe. So its bound to make you feel insecure about your looks.
Here's what you need to realize dear... some guys at your age are drawn into the illusion and think they want to find a girl like the ones in the media. Thankfully most guys have a more realistic idea of what real beauty is. Even so, in the real natural beauty realm, there are guys who have their own personal tastes in looks same as you do. We have our personal tastes in foods, music, etc. and thats what makes each of us unique. For example I tend to be attracted to men who are brunette and with longer hair. Others may be handsome too but thats what my personal tastes get me to give a second glance at.
Heads up on what not to do:
If a guy is telling you that he finds you beautiful, dont argue with him. Thats his personal taste. He likes the way you look. For you to tell a guy that he is wrong, or begin to point out all the flaws you think you have is a big downer for anyone even girlfriends. Dating coaches for adults have listed that one of the biggest things a guy finds attractive about a female is her self confidence. So if you continue to act like you don't believe him or down play the compliments instead of simply saying thank-you, your lack of self confidence in your looks may very well be the thing that takes a guys initial interest in you and kills it.
Another pointer is to stop the negative thoughts the moment they come to mind like "I know for sure that tomorrow i will be so nervous to the point I'll start feeling sick, it always happens!
It happens because you predict it. Your subconscious mind wants to help your dreams come true so if you state that you will be sick, nauseous and nervous, then even if you normally wouldnt get sick to your stomach, but a normal nervousness, your subconscious mind will force your body to actually do and experience that which you seem to focus on and make it come true. Thats a piece of psychology on how the human mind works. Can you get yourself to believe something positive in time for tomorrow? Maybe not...it took many times of you feeling like this to get to such a strong reaction, it will also take many times of battling the negative thoughts to begin to see positive outcomes, but dont give up, it'll happen in time.
For tomorrow, since you don't have the confidence built up in yourself yet, you are going to borrow confidence, like borrowing an outfit from a friend. I did this when going to a large party where I didnt know anybody other than the one person. I gave some thought as to what I felt my best attribute was, there will be at least one and then think of an actress that comes to mind who has that same actress. Mine was my eyes and I thought of an old actress not from your time, Sophia Loren. I imagined myself entering the party with her confidence, her captivating eyes. In my imagination I kinda super imposed her image on top of me. Not changing my personality or how I act, just the confidence an actress has that they are sought after for their looks. And an amazing thing happened, a half dozen people at least actually commented to me on my eyes how pretty they were...this was not just men but women also. I was dumbfounded it worked so well. So I now had my own confidence because I had people actually take notice of what I felt was my best feature. Try this tomorrow. Its the quickest thing I can think of to teach you.
In the long run you'll need to do more things to work on your confidence.
The best thing you can do regarding conversation is ask him questions about himself. People like to talk about themselves when asked. Hopefully he'll ask you some things in return. Have a couple of idea's in mind of things to ask that will get a person to tell you a story like "Whats the most embarassing thing that ever happened to you" or "What's the most interesting birthday you've ever had" or "Whats the most daring and exciting thing you've ever done." While listening to him, if anything he says reminds you of something you have experienced, then when he's done, tell him that story. Silence is also okay. If the conversation kinda dies and its quiet too long, to help yourself feel better...make a comment on the silence. "Wow, it sure it quiet right now. What are you thinking about?"
or I can't think of anything to say right now. But thats okay with me if its okay with you. I feel comfortable being with you even if we aren't having much conversation at the moment." That last one I have used many a time when out with a guy on a date...someone I didn't know too well yet.
This should help for now. Let me know how it goes and if you need any more help for the future.
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Oh my goodness! You remind me of my boyfriend and I we haven't met yet.. But don't worry you can never run out of things. But you can plan things to talk about beforehand that helps, then it will lead to other topics too. Most guys actually find it really cute and adorable when a girl is nervous and shy. Also about your looks you probably are really pretty but your just in the stage we all go through the insecurity one. You should wear your favorite outfit and hairstyle for it so your comfortable and you feel confident about your look. Also :) he already thinks your beautiful ! Don't feel nervous about your looks . And advice about trying to get over your shyness, well this is what I did to get over mine. I joined as many as clubs as possible and things with others to be more involved so I was forced to get over it. Also in some classes at my new school I would "fake" it till finally now I actually am confident. Lol I'm excited for you !
I really hope and wish you have a fantastic time!!:)
~Angie
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