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Should I do it
I'm female. Okay so I'm in high school right now. My final year. Prom is coming up soon...we'll not really soon but you know how it is. I'm going with a guy I find really attractive. On the night I know it might lead to us getting physical( p.s we're not dating) because he did tell me a lonnnng time prior that he really likes me. He's one of my best friends so I know he won't bullshit me. He confides in me and I know of his past relationships. He's not a virgin(but I am). We talked about a relationship but I that's not going to happen because I dated one of his close friends. The thing is on the night it might lead to us wanting to get physical. And I don't know if I should do it. I want to experience it finally because I'm very curious. He makes it seem so interesting. But should I wait for it to be with someone more special? I don't want to be in a relationship with him but I'm still curious. Any advice
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I agree with all the reasoning of Drewb. So rather than rehash what he already said, I will go on to pick out a couple more things for you to think upon.
I want you to ask yourself 'why' you think prom night might lead to getting physical. Logically, I can't see the reasoning why one night over the other would have any more influence. Here I believe you are fantasizing and considering the fantasies as already being reality. Learn how to keep your fantasies in the make believe realm, and reality in the real world realm. Negative thinking can also lead us down the wrong path. One fear, worry or negative thought can lead to another and another until we have an entire scenerio or story rolling around in our minds. Its people who are able to do this well who are authors of best selling novels but they know the difference between the fictions in their head and reality. It's okay if a fantasy feels real, cus thats normal...part of our sexuality is a mind that is able to come up with all sorts of fantasies regarding sex and that helps enhance our sexual responses and experiences. The reason it works? Well the mind is known to be the biggest sexual organ we have...a reason romance novels are so popular with women and Playboy or Penthouse is so popular with men.
Now on to the next: You said," We talked about a relationship but that's not going to happen because I dated one of his close friends."
Exactly in whose mind is this a problem or issue? And why? I don't need you to answer me, answer to yourself. Just because girls feel odd dating a girlfriends ex boyfriend and feel they need to ask "permission" to do so. Since when do people have such 'ownership rights' over a person they are no longer dating. The idea is logically not sound at all. So what it probably boils down to is fearing that there'd be issues with jealousy? Why, if one person doesnt work out to be the best person for you, why should it prevent a close friend from forming possibly the best romantic relationship ever.
Did you know that one of the main ways people find their marriage partner is through getting introduced to someone who is close friends of a person they used to date? AND, the ex dating partner is actually happy for both of you.
On to the next: Willpower. Ever hear of that word? Willpower is used in many areas of our lives, its something that helps us to quit a bad habit like binge eating or smoking, instead of caving in to our cravings. The same goes for sex. Your body may be getting to the point where it no longer wants to wait to have sex. Theres something to be said about taking care of sexual urges without using a partner until you have the right one. Masturbation goes a long way towards helping with this. However, no matter how badly you feel the need to connect sexually with a live male body, the important thing is that it be the right body, that you both have deep feelings for each other and acknowledge those feelings. You are not at that point of both having deep feelings, with your prom date friend.
Or are you? and you just don't realize it? Some male/female best friends end up being the perfect long term/life long partners for each other because the one important factor of being best friends is already there. However equally important is having that spark between you. Most assume it hits you only in the beginning, when you see the person, are attracted and feel wild feelings of desire in their presence. Just because it didn't start that way doesnt mean that over time that a little ember can't become a blazing fire. In fact this is the main reason some people don't make the move to exploring if they have stronger feelings for each other now. I am married and my body isn't sensing my husband 100% of the time on a romantic level. We interact the majority of time on a best friend level, but when one of us initiates something, it quickly changes to a romantic or sexual one. The sexual aspect won't be prominent all the time. It would be the same for friends just starting out.
If you can get past any excuses in your mind why not to explore this aspect, then I think you should give it a try. He has feelings towards you. You won't know until you try if it feels right to kiss and touch each other in more flirty and intimate ways like running your fingers through each others hair.
To explore by having full blown sex on prom night is not the best way to go. Get it straight in your head first. Tell him you're not sure yet if the two of you can develop the romance side of the relationship, and you're not making a promise or commitment to him by trying but you are game to try and see if that sits well with him. I am sure he'll be okay with it. There is a chance the two of you won't both feel that chemistry. You'll know when you're feeling it and if you're not. But he'll be willing to try in case there is a chance that it IS there.
If so, then it would be a good thing to explore that now in small ways, with kissing and the type of touching that would help to tell you if theres anything more to this. Then later, if both of you want to share the sex experience together, You can do the right thing, go in to get on birth control (ie planned Parenthood) and make sure it will be built up in your system before 'doing it'. It doesn't have to happen on Prom night and can wait until after. Just make sure that you both are fully ready and have feelings for each other. Cus if you don't, you have no business having sex with him to begin with.
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Have you ever heard the saying, "Curiosity killed the cat"? Well in my opinion, you should not get physical on your Prom night because when you have sex just to have sex, it creates a whirlwind of problems. Just because you like this guy, DOES NOT mean that you have to "put out" to please him. If he genuinely likes you, he WON'T FORCE you to make a decision.
Just like tea, sex is better the longer you wait.
And besides, you said that you don't want a relationship with this guy. So why settle for as one night fling? It almost sounds like he wants a relationship, and you want to bang and dash.
One night stands complicate things because most of the time, you don't know who you're getting into bed with. That's why you need a relationship first. I know the both of you are really good friends, but people change. And they change A LOT. Every guy has a friend that he tells everything to. What if you and him have sex, and then the next week it is all over school that you slept with him? People can be cruel and they will come up with all sorts of names about you, and that's not how you want to remember your Prom.
I know you think that he won't say anything, but how can you know for sure? I had a friend who watched a movie after Prom at a guy's house or something like that and the next day at school, a whole bunch of people knew about it. She didn't even have sex with him and he was telling everyone. And this is a guy that she has known for a while.
Bottom line, I believe that people should wait until marriage to have sex, but if you can't wait that long and the urges are too strong, at least make sure you use protection. Prom is supposed to be the best night of your life, not a night that you will REGRET.
I hope this helps.
~Andrew~
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