|
Follow-Up to "Living w/ boyfriend at school versus parents when home :/"
Hi adviceman49,
Thanks for your response. The only thing is, I really can't just lay down the law and walk away. They help pay for college, and I'm on their insurance, and at least for now while I don't have a car, it's their car I borrow when I'm home.
This summer I had the option to move up in my job - instead of a suburb office, I could be in the corporate office which is in a major city. They told me NOT to do it, because they thought it would be too hard to figure out the logistics. I on the other hand didn't want to pass up this opportunity!
I found an apartment very nearby that was safe, affordable, and had a lot of amenities, and presented all the information to them. They said no, that I was to work in the suburb office. Finally I convinced them to let me be in the major city, but they insisted that I would commute. And not with a car - my dad would drop me at the train station on the way to work, and then pick me up from the station on his way home from work. I am trapped and controlled by their time schedule. Last summer, though, I would be threatened with "you won't have the car at all this week!" which would screw me over for work, and now I feel it's going to be "you won't get a ride to the station tomorrow!!" so they are still going to be able to make sure I comply with everything they demand. I'm hoping to make friends in the office who maybe have a place in Boston so I can stay over there sometime? It's just dealing with whatever consequences when I come home that's the issue.
Any other advice sparked after knowing a little more would be appreciated! Thanks so much for your time!
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Realize that you are an adult and they are treating you as a child. This is not unusual, in fact I was guilty of this with my son until I actually saw him as an adult for us it happened when the two of us responded to the same fire call. I don't recommend you becoming a firefighter to prove to your parents your an adult. Yet that is what you must do.
Take the job you want, especially if this job is going to be a boost to the career you studying for. Normally I do not recommend rebelling but in this case it is not rebelling it is declaring your need for freedom to control your life. Remind your parents when they object that controls are a two way street.
Explain to your parents you appreciate what they are doing for you. But not at the expense of your ability to grow as an adult. If they cannot accept that you are an adult and allow you certain privileges that come with being an adult. That as much as it may hurt you all you can finish school at night while working full time and living on your own. The only control they have over you is monetarily and they are not being fair. There are going to be times starting now where you need to make decisions and you cannot say, "wait I have to call mommy or daddy to see if they agree or if it fits their schedule." That is no longer in my best interest.
Hopefully you plan to marry and have children. As parents we look forward to the day we get to see and play with our grand children. This is the control you have over them. You can allude to it or be blunt about it. That their controlling has to stop or their seeing their future grandchildren will be severely limited for you do not want them controlling your children.
This is called fighting fire with fire. It is up to you if you have to go this far. You need more freedom and they should not be controlling you with college funds or health care.
]
More Questions: |