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I lied to my boy-friend and am now afraid to have lost all his trust
Hi:)
So over the last two months two things happened to me in a club. Once a guy that I knew and that I was dancing with touched my ass and I stopped him and danced with other people afterwards, but later had to spend time with him again, because I was visiting a friend.
Another time I was in a club and a random guy came up to me and my friend and said something I couldn't hear. So I said "what"? And he came closer, I turned my head, cause I thought he would say something into my ear, but he kissed my cheek instead.
I did not tell my boy-friend about both these happenings, but today I remembered again and felt guilty and realized that even when back then it was not my fault, I was now guilty for not having told him.
I apologized, explained what happened and asked him for forgiveness.
But I know that he now cannot trust me anymore. I mean I understand that he might think I will hide things in the future.
I don't know what to do in order to make him feel better and in order not to lose all the trust we build up over three years.
Do you have any advice?
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From my perspective, there's no reason why his trust in you should be broken.
You received some unwanted physical attention in clubs. You didn't reciprocate, you didn't enjoy it (from what I gather).
You feel guilty for not telling your boyfriend, but that was because you brushed it off at the time as "Ew, these guys are creeps" and left it at that, only to remember later and feel shame. It's common for victims to feel ashamed, even when they've done nothing wrong.
If your boyfriend is upset with you for being groped in a club, you've got to remind him that you didn't ask for it. You were minding your own business and some guy decided to get all handsy. Not your fault.
If he's upset about you not telling him earlier, you can let him know that you were feeling guilt over it even though you know that it wasn't your fault and were worried to tell him. Promise to tell him if things like this happen in the future. Chances are, he's more worried about your safety than anything else.
I'm pretty sure that you haven't lost any significant trust from him. You aren't in the wrong, and your heart is in the right place. There's no quick band-aid solution: you've just got to let time do its work.
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