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My fiance's family is trying to get him to leave me for someone else
I'm a 19 year old girl and I've been engaged to the love of my life for over a year now. He's 19 as well. Our relationship is great and everything runs smoothly except one thing. He's met all of my family and they love him but I haven't met all of his family yet because they live out of state. The problem is is that some of them have judged me cruely; told my fiancé I wasn't hardworking and wasn't worthy enough to be with him, even though they don't know me. Because of this they've been trying to get him to leave me for a girl that's a family friend down where they live. My fiance's reassured me that their opinion doesn't change how he feels about me and never will and they will have to live with it, but I don't know what to do. Not only was all this very hurtful but now I'm very worried about meeting them and if something bad will happen with them plotting to get my fiancé with another girl. I've even started wondering myself whether I'm good enough for him now. What should I do? Should I just ignore them? Should I talk to my fiancé more about it? I'm so afraid to meet them now because I don't know what will happen. Please help me. Any advice will help. Has anyone else had a similar situation?
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First thing is to believe in your love. If you love eachother the way you say you do then you have nothing to worry about. You and your fiancé will stick together and if you have to stand up to the people who are judging and saying your not good enough. Do not let them make you feel bad they dont even know you. There comments are useless and disappointing. IF what you have is true love you can get trough anything. Also if your fiance really loves you then he wont evenn be bothered with his family trying to set him up with someone else.
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Adviceman is right, This happens all the time.
Unfortunately, There is an old saying that when you marry someone, You marry the entire family too.
Meaning, This can go a few ways, You're fiance can talk to his family about how disrespectful it is too him that they are not accepting of his relationship and engagement to you as he is a grown adult who is entitled to his own choice.
Many times when a family pressures another family member over a relationship they are in, The relationship overtime becomes vulnerable and strained. One thing you never ever want too do is come between your fiance and his family. I am married, I could go on and on about what a rough road it was between my husband and I with is side of the family but long story short, Just be you and hope they will come around in time.
Unfortunately on my behalf, Certain members never did come around 6 years later. That is okay, You do not have to be best friends with these people but show you are respectful and mature enough to remain on mutual terms with them. My best advice is that your fiance needs to have a serious talk with his family. Tell them to stop and that the choice is his and he chooses you and it will remain that way.
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This is unfortunate it has happened but it happens more often than you may think; most of the time the problem has to do with religion. Other times it has to do with geography such as the civil war never ended. Whatever reason there is for it the hardship is always going to be there for the person it is directed to. In this case you.
If I was to hazard a guess I would say the problem probably starts with his mother. While most moms' feel no women is good enough for their son. His mom may be taking it a bit farther.
Should I be correct then my advice is to stand up to her. Be strong, tell her that you two are going to marry and that you intend to care and cherish him. You don't say if you two plan to finish college or if you are in college. If you are and you do plan to finish then tell her so.
Don't bother asking her why she doesn't like you it will be all BS any way. Just tell her if she continues to try and get between you and your husband that she will pay a price. Be frank with her. Tell her you wear the panties in the family, panties her son enjoys getting into and one day in the future his enjoyment will bring about a child. If she ever wants to see her grandchildren see her grandchildren and enjoy the she better bring about a cease and desist with in her family.
Yes respect needs to be earned. There are times though while earning that respect you have to resort to a sledge hammer to get it. I believe future mom in-law will respect you if you stand up to her. My wife earned my mother’s respect that way. Fortunately I didn't have to earn the respect of my wife's family they took an instant liking to me.
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